


Loser in the streets, BAE BAE in the sheets; in the end, there's no place, no love to go back to

by W_Ing_W_Ing9



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: M/M, daesung and seungri arent really jiyong's like lovers, he's fierce and pretty yknow?, here goes my fashion skills, kinda like crooked era jiyong is very emotional, pretty boy and bad boy jiyong, rich ass millionaire seunghyun, they're more like his supporting people he turns to them for comfort and assurance, this is kinda similiar to a crooked night, youngbae's his best bud homie and all that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-08-28 23:43:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 53,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8467609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/W_Ing_W_Ing9/pseuds/W_Ing_W_Ing9
Summary: Jiyong doesn't know what he does with his life. He fights, gets hurt, goes clubbing, hangs out with friends. He's done with people hurting him and all he does is fight and pretty himself up for clubbing. He wanders the streets of New York, kohl around his eyes, making him look fierce as he picks fights. He's a dog on the loose, really. Until he gets mobbed. It's not a rare thing; it happens all the time until he meets a rich, intoxicating man outside the dark alleyways between the buildings. And this man changes his whole being.





	1. King Sh*t

   His knuckles are bloody and Jiyong's sick of washing the blood that's his as he stood over the sink of the bathroom. It's 2 AM and he just came back home. His cat, Ai, waited patiently by the doorway, his tail wrapped around his paws, yellow eyes watching as Jiyong stared at the mirror at himself in the reflection. His eyes are lined with black eyeliner and he opens the glass cupboard, pulling a makeup remover wet sheet from the dispenser and rubbed the makeup from his face. After he washed his face, Jiyong shut the panel closed and he took Ai into his arms, walking to his walk-in closet.  

   He let him down to change into shorts and a loose tank top. Pulling it down, Jiyong walked to the kitchen where he got a can of beer from the refrigerator, popping it open as Ai meowed by his legs. He walked back to the bed where he sat next to the large window. Ai next to his legs, laying his head on his knee as he purred. Outside, it was dark save for only the amber colored lights from the lamp posts. The streets were shadowed by every object; a perfect place to start a fight. 

   Ai's meow made Jiyong look at his leg where Ai looked up at him with warm eyes and Jiyong stroked his head, smiling. "I only have you, huh, Ai?"

    Ai purred in response and Jiyong finished the can with three gulps, his head tipping back to finish as his Adam's apple bobbed with every swallow. He left the can on the windowsill and crawled under the covers, Ai making himself comfortable at his chest as Jiyong turned on his side. He closed his eyes and fell asleep. 

 

    When Jiyong wasn't out fighting people and being a mean delinquent (for a man in his mid-20s), Jiyong sent in fashion sketches or blueprints at the designer label he worked out. He was one of those exceptional people where they just draw and turn in sketches every end or beginning of the month. He had indirectly received high compliments from Karl Lagerfeld. Once. 

   "Good to see you, too," Larry Higgens, one of the fashion designers at the brand took the manilla files Jiyong handed out to him. He was tall and handsome with a sharp jawline and high cheekbones. He wore a black double-breasted jacket that showed his broad frame of his body. He stood outside of the doorway and he was peeking inside behind Jiyong's back. 

   "One of your earlier works is being made; the Team Head wants you to come out next Saturday for it," Larry said.

   "Okay, I'll go in at 11," Jiyong said and was about to shut the door when Larry stopped it with his fine dress shoes from Dr.Martens. Jiyong looked at him and Larry was standing close to him. 

   "You ever thought about being gay?" Larry's sudden question made Jiyong blink back with a neutral expression. 

   "I already am," Jiyong said and just when Larry was about to say something when Jiyong almost glared at him. He shut his mouth then and Jiyong looked behind to see Ai meow for food. "You should go. Thanks for dropping by," Jiyong shut the door on his face, locked it, and turned to the kitchen. "Sorry, Ai," He set the filled cat bowl down and Ai hungrily began to eat. 

   Jiyong once again took his spot by the window, folding his knees to his chest as he bit on his fingernails, watching Larry get into his BMW and drive away. It was a cloudy day today and it made Jiyong feel somber. Somber about so many things. Breakups, being mobbed until he looked like he came back from the dead, and then wanting to burn everything down with his lighter. He had no one. No one to look for towards help except some few people. 

   One person turned Jiyong gay. He was the first person Jiyong had talked to when he moved here in New York. He was just a scrawny 22-year-old with a blonde faux hairstyle that everyone said that looked cute on him. He first took the job for the brand he currently worked at presently and met the man who was his Team Leader. Back then, Jiyong had come every day to the small workplace to sketch and present his ideas. The man's man was Soohyuk, a handsome man with a rich deep voice that had made Jiyong shiver with anticipation. Back then Jiyong didn't really know how to pick up guys, let alone date one, so he held his feelings until Soohyuk asked him out. It had been the best year of his life...until Soohyuk cheated on him and didn't even give an explanation. 

   That had become his turning point of becoming a delinquent. He would be the first man Jiyong dated and perhaps the last. It still hurt him and he still had his phone number in low hopes he would call and apologize. After that, he got mobbed on a rainy night and came out barely living. He felt like burning everything down. He probably still did. 

   Jiyong sighed through his lips and watched Ai wash himself with his tongue and Jiyong smiled. Only Ai waited for him at home. Poor cat was a kitten when Jiyong stopped his car to save him in the middle of the freeway. Jiyong was on the verge of crying too when the cat was mewling with fear and loneliness. 

    Then, Jiyong met Youngbae in a fist fight. Jiyong wasn't so bad considering he never took martial arts. Youngbae had saved his ass on that night. It was two against sixteen. After winning, Jiyong was about to leave when Youngbae offered him a cigarette. "You're not bad," He had said. "I'm Youngbae." From there, they were two different people but became the best friends of friends. They both enjoyed fashion so they often went to SoHo and went clubbing together. Youngbae was a dance instructor at Professional Performing Art School in Manhattan. He had gone to Parson to study fashion when he realized dancing was his forte. He often came over to Jiyong's for a good chat over wine or beer and sometimes slept over if it got too late. To Jiyong, Youngbae was a friend of ten years more than two years. 

    A phone ring mused Jiyong out his thoughts and he took a peek at the screen. Youngbae's name was on the caller ID and Jiyong took the call. "Hey, Youngbae," He said. 

    Short, ragged breaths greeted him back and Jiyong frowned, sitting up as he listened intently. "Youngbae?"

    "They have Daesung. Your friend. The one with-" There's a grunt and voices in the background. "The one with small ass eyes! Jiyong, this is the street near Chelsea Market!"

    Jiyong jumped out of the bed causing Ai to look up as he finished grooming. "I got it," Jiyong said, feeling his pulse race. "I'll be there, Youngbae. Just wait!" Jiyong yelled before hanging up and he quickly pulled on jeans and a leather jacket. "I have to go, Ai, I'll be back soon," He planted a quick kiss on the cat's head as he meowed and he left in a flash. He was jumping down the stairs with speed Jiyong didn't know he had. He burst out of the apartment, unlocking his car and jumping in. He was racing towards Chelsea Market, his teeth gnawing on his fingernails as he drove with one hand on the wheel. 

    Jiyong finally came to the street where the Market was and instantly saw figures between in the alleyway. Jiyong didn't bother to park as he jumped out. "Hey!" Jiyong roared and the standing figures turned. "Fuck off!" He punched one in the face, hard. 

    "Son of a bitch!" One roared and Jiyong shoved him, kicking at his balls and the man instantly fell, writhing as he clutched his crotch. There was more and Jiyong could see the shine of the knives in their hands as he saw Youngbae holding Daesung who was sobbing. Jiyong ducked as one hurled himself and Jiyong felt someone grab his wrist, spinning around and then suddenly, out of nowhere, Jiyong saw an image of Soohyuk grabbing his wrist to turn him around into his chest where arms held him into a hug. Jiyong gasped and a punch made him snap back into reality. Regaining his senses, Jiyong spat the blood from his mouth and fought back, feeling pain muddle his thoughts as he yelled and cursed. 

    "Fuck off!" Jiyong yelled. 

    As many of the group was hurt, they cursed and fled. Jiyong felt his legs crumple beneath him and he fell to the ground, knuckles stinging, head throbbing, blood in his mouth. He felt like crying. But there was someone else to care about that. Jiyong shook his head and crawled to Youngbae stood up, holding his side. There was a cut on his face and blood on his clothes. Daesung had bruises and Jiyong made him sit up so he could see his face. Tears and blood littered his face and he just kept crying. Jiyong held his head, holding him. "You're okay, Daesung. You're okay."

   The male just kept crying and Jiyong could feel his arms around his shoulders. Jiyong just held him there in the alleyway, stroking his hair. 

    They came to Jiyong's apartment and Ai instantly greeted Daesung first. Daesung burst into tears again and Jiyong pulled him towards the bed. "Let me treat Daesung first," He said, handing Youngbae a roll of bandages. 

    Youngbae nodded and Jiyong took the rest of the kit to Daesung. The younger male was idly scratching at his bloody hands and Jiyong began to wash the blood off with alcohol. Daesung didn't even react to the stings as they silently worked. Daesung occasionally sniffed, but he had stopped crying. He had bloody scratches all over his arm, his face littered with bruises, knees and elbows scraped. "What happened?" Jiyong asked and Daesung only fumbled with his hands. 

    "I just...just got mobbed," Daesung quietly said, his husky voice broken. "They said that I shouldn't see Aeria anymore." 

    "Who were they? The one with dreadlocks and few other white guys?" Jiyong asked, practically slapping the bandaids and patches on Daesung. 

   Daesung shrugged. "I think so."

   Jiyong studied him closely. He looked devasted, lost, broken, and hopeless. He was always the strong one, the one who had the positivity Jiyong never knew anyone had. But to see him like this made Jiyong's heart ache for him. Jiyong pulled Daesung into a hug, gently stroking his hair. "It's okay, Daesung," Jiyong said. 

   Daesung didn't respond until Jiyong could hear his soft whimpers. "I can't believe she let me go like that," Daesung sobbed. "I loved her so much," He hiccuped as he fought to say his next words. "I still remember her wrapping the handkerchief around my neck, Jiyongie-hyung."

   Youngbae sat beside Daesung to pat his back as Jiyong stroked his hair. His hair was oily and unkempt and he smelled of the streets. It seemed Daesung was out for a long time. "Me too," Jiyong whispered. "I loved him too."

 

   That night, Daesung appeared relatively better after taking a fresh shower. He had slept the entire day on Jiyong's bed, Ai acting as his support animal. It seemed the cat knew who to hearten. Youngbae had gone out to get groceries for a good dinner and Jiyong had stayed by the window, drowning by his own memories. He kept seeing Daesung as himself and Jiyong didn't want him to end up like him. 

   "What's this?" Daesung cheerfully said, sitting on the bar table. 

   Jiyong took out one his wine bottles, three glasses on his other hand. "We're going to eat dinner and then go clubbing," He said, proudly. Youngbae nodded as he set the plates. 

   "Clubbing?" Daesung looked confused about it and Jiyong rolled his eyes. "I really don't know how to club."

   "It's okay," Jiyong said, giving him a fork. "All you need to do is drink all the shots I give you and then you'll be on the dance floor, drunk as a skunk, and ready to lose all your worries for today."

   Daesung shrugged as he took a forkful of the Aglio Olio pasta. "Okay," He grinned. "Sure."

   Jiyong poured him a glass. "Eat up, big boy."

   The three idly chatted and ate, talking about the things they've been doing. They talked of their times when they first met. It was a pleasant talk since they haven't gathered around much to talk and knowing each other's well-being was important for all them as friends. After chatting for a long while, they got ready to go clubbing and Jiyong went into the bathroom to stand in front of the mirror to apply his makeup. He even applied eyeliner on Daesung's eyes. After his makeup was done, Jiyong changed into tight leather pants and a fishnet sweater with a black tank inside.

   "Aren't you going to be cold?" Daesung asked as Jiyong locked the door. 

   "It's going to be hot in there," Jiyong said, making sure his rings were on his fingers. They began to walk as Jiyong adjusted his earrings. He was going to club and he had to look like the most desired one there or there was no point in going. Jiyong made sure his boots were tied tight around his ankles and he was just making sure as they went down the stairs. When they got outside, a gust of chilly wind made Jiyong shiver as he got out his car keys. "See?" Daesung said and Jiyong laughed. 

   "It's okay, Daesung, really," Jiyong said as he got into the driver's seat. Daesung sat in the back while Youngbae sat in the front. Jiyong began to drive towards the Meatpacking district. He saw the club stream in with people and he found a good parking space across the street. As soon as Jiyong got off the car, people were already staring and Jiyong sprayed some perfume on his wrists and neck. Daesung even sniffed. "That smells like my bed," He said making Youngbae burst into laughter. 

   Jiyong only smirked knowingly and he wrapped an arm around Daesung. "C'mon, Dae, let's go."

   The three of them entered the club with Jiyong's membership and on the way, he hooked his finger on the man's dress shirt, unbuttoning one button while flashing him a smirk before they delved inside towards the EDM that shook the walls and floor. Jiyong felt a thrill of excitement and anticipation. There were people dancing on the dance floor with dark trance lights traveling the ceilings. There was even a second floor where people held their drinks and chatted idly against the railings. 

   "Okay, Daesung," Jiyong said, working their way towards any vacant high chair and table. They found one and Jiyong went to get the famous six shot plate from the bar. He set it on the table as Youngbae took a seat. Daesung only stared at it with a vexed look. "C'mon, Daesung," Youngbae said, nudging his arm with his own. "Just for tonight."

   Daesung still looked hesitant before he took the shot. Jiyong and Youngbae watched as he took it one gulp, his face contorting into a sour-faced look. Jiyong burst into laughter, leaning onto him as he giggled loudly at his reaction. Youngbae was grinning as he took one of the shots to drink one himself. 

   "You okay? You don't have to drink of you don't want to," Jiyong said as Daesung looked taken aback. 

   "I already feel drunk," Daesung said and Youngbae laughed out loud. 

   After Jiyong took the three of the shots, Youngbae took the remaining. They were soon a little drunk and Jiyong was the first to step onto the dance floor. He wasn't a bad dancer and soon he was feeling a man up, his hand wrapping around his hip bone as Jiyong felt his mind spin. He pulse was racing from the euphoria and the haziness of the alcohol. His eyes were half-lidded and he felt lips against his neck. Jiyong breathed out, closing his eyes. Until, suddenly, a flashback sparked in his mind. 

    _"Jiyong, come here,"_ A deep rich voice said. Even if it was in his mind, Jiyong felt goosebumps along his skin. 

    _"Why?"_

With a gasp and a shove of his hands, Jiyong stepped away. He could finally think and the man looked taken aback. "I'm...I'm sorry," Jiyong stuttered. "I'm really sorry," And with the spin of his heels, he fled the dance floor. He found himself blindly running out into the chilly air of New York City. He took in a breath before his eyes got warm with tears and finally, he let out a sob. He slapped a hand over his mouth and he leaned against the wall, crying into his hand. 

   Whether he was drunk or not, Jiyong figured that he never let go of Soohyuk after all. 

 

   At 3 AM, Jiyong began to cry silently. He didn't want Daesung to wake up, so he just cried silently, sniffing occasionally. It had been too much to hold in for two years and Jiyong wanted to let it all out. Ai had curled on his chest under the covers to hearten him as he did to Daesung but the pain was too immense for Jiyong to feel better. It had been so hard...

   Suddenly, Jiyong felt arms around his waist, pulling him against a hard chest. Jiyong gasped, hiccuping and Daesung's voice was in his ear. "It's okay to cry," He said and Jiyong really cried. He sobbed like there was no tomorrow. He buried his head into Daesung's chest as Daesung rubbed slow circles between his shoulder blades. He cried until he fell asleep. 

   When he woke up, it was 11 AM. Jiyong had woken up with an immense headache and a dry face. He sat up, his hair messed, his face tear dried. Daesung was sleeping beside him and it was a miracle how Jiyong woke up first. Jiyong stroked Ai's back, watching the cat purr in his sleep and Jiyong smiled, swinging his legs off the bed. His feet touched the cold laminated floor and he went towards the bathroom where he washed his face. 

   There was a loud groan and Jiyong giggled as he went out. He saw Daesung look wrecked as sat up. His hair was also a mess of light brown. His face was swollen and Jiyong could imagine his own. Daesung chuckled and Jiyong almost spat out his toothpaste as he brushed his teeth. What a funny sight, Jiyong thought. Daesung brushed his teeth and Jiyong called Youngbae. 

   "You sounded like you cried and Daesung sounds out of it," Youngbae commented. 

   "I did," Jiyong said as he took out two bagels from the fridge. He sliced them into two pieces and shoved them into the toaster as Daesung poured the orange juice. He looked at the carton before placing back into the fridge. 

   "You okay, Daesung?" Youngbae asked, amusement in his voice. 

   "I'm so done," Daesung chuckled as he took a seat at the table and both Jiyong and Youngbae laughed. "I'm not clubbing anymore."

   "I'm glad you guys sound okay," Youngbae genuinely said. "Take your pills, drink tea or water, go out, and get air, yeah?"

   Daesung nodded as if Youngbae was really there with them and Jiyong smiled. Always the mom. "Okay," Jiyong scoffed. 

   "That's good. I'll talk to you guys later then," Youngbae said and both Jiyong and Daesung said their "See you later," before Youngbae hung up. 

   Then they silently ate their bagel and orange juice. It was one of those comfortable mornings where Jiyong liked to just eat and be in the presence of someone. He glanced at Daesung who just chewed on his bagel with no cream. He sniffed and Jiyong cleaned up their finished plates moments after. 

   "Jiyongie-hyung," Daesung said after several moments of silence. "How did you get into your first fistfight?" 

   Jiyong set the plate of cat food and watched Ai eat before he sat on the bed, Daesung sitting on the chair at the table. "I was just one of those angsty young adults. So I picked a fight with a gang," Jiyong answered, rewrapping his knuckles with a bandage roll. They were still ripped and still healing. 

   "Just how?" Daesung asked further and Jiyong looked up at him. Jiyong couldn't really see his eyes since his fringes were long and covered the half part of his face horizontally. 

   "Well, you harden yourself and just get mean," Jiyong simply said. "But, for good's sake, don't be like me, Daesung," Jiyong warned. "Don't be a loser like me," He added more quietly. 

   Daesung got quiet at that and he only nodded, a bit numbly. "Yesterday night...," He hesitated and Jiyong waited for him patiently. "Were you just drunk crying or were you really crying?"

   Jiyong ripped the bandage with his teeth and pressed it firmly down so it stuck. "Someone I danced with reminded me of someone. So I cried and couldn't stop crying," He said instead. 

   Daesung stroked Ai's back and answered with a small "Mm". 

   There was an uncertain silence in the apartment. Then Daesung broke it with another question. "Do you have plans today?" He asked. 

   "No," Jiyong answered. "I should be, but I don't know what to do."

   "Oh, do you mind if I stay here for a while then?" Daesung asked, looking a little apologetic. 

   Jiyong smiled. "Sure, I don't mind the company," He said and then added,"I might go out at nights. And just disappear. Don't worry about it, though."

   Daesung nodded, his face lighting up with relief. "Okay, thanks, hyung."

   Jiyong instantly could feel relief release from his shoulders. He remembered how Daesung could lift one's spirit with just a flash of his smile. It was contagious, even. "Stay for as long as you like, Dae," Jiyong gently assured. "I won't be bothered."

   "Okay, hyung."

 

   "I kinda miss her," Daesung said as they drank that night. 

   Jiyong took a gulp of the cheap beer, only listening as Daesung talked. Normally it was the other way around, but Daesung was probably still hurt. But who said love didn't hurt? Only true star-crossed lovers would say it wouldn't. Daesung already knew about Soohyuk and Jiyong, but he never asked. He shouldn't. It was still a sensitive topic for Jiyong. Still hurt, like a fresh scar every day. 

   "That handkerchief," Jiyong said, jerking his chin upward to the handkerchief around his wrist. "She gave it to you?"

   Numbly, Daesung nodded. "She'd always tie it around my neck," Daesung quietly said, his eyes shrouded by his bangs. "She'd tell me how handsome I am."

   Jiyong smiled bitterly. "Yeah?"

   Daesung nodded, still looking downcasted. "And how about you?" He asked. "You still haven't gotten word?"

   Jiyong shook his head, a rueful smile on his lips. "Nah. Nothing," He scoffed. "I keep waiting even though I thought I forgot about him. I thought I didn't care, but it seems I still do."

   Daesung was silent of that and then, more cautiously, he asked ,"How does it feel to love a guy?"

   Jiyong looked at him, thoughtful. "I don't know, Daesung. That kind of question differs from people to people."

   "Then, to you," Daesung said and Jiyong inhaled and exhaled, thinking. 

   It was a good question. How did it feel to Jiyong to love a guy? He was just a scrawny young adult who immediately got scouted into a fashion design team at a signer label. He was just a meek, shy designer who happened to think secretly that the team leader was hot. He never thought his thoughts made him gay. He never, ever imagined during his happiest times when Soohyuk loved him, that he would be cheated on and then thrown into the streets like a dog. But it felt different from loving a woman. It was more intense for Jiyong, more intimate. 

   "It's different from how you felt loving her," Jiyong simply said and Daesung tilted his head a little at that. "You feel more connected. For me, it was more intimate. It made me go nuts." Jiyong confessed. 

   "It sounded like you were happy during that time," Daesung said and Jiyong nodded. 

   "I was."

   "Are you going to go out tonight?" Daesung asked. 

   Jiyong slowly nodded after a moment's hesitation. "Yeah, I have to go find those guys and get them back for this because of no one," Jiyong lowered his voice. "No one hurts you like this, no one treats you like this."

   Daesung smiled genuinely and Jiyong stroked his hair. After a good hour and two, Jiyong got ready to go out. Daesung was out cold after drinking six cans of the beer and he was sleeping on the bed. In the darkness, Jiyong moved to the doorway where he laced on his black Saint Laurent boots. He went out and let the door close before making his way down the stairs, sliding a hand through his white dyed hair. 

   Jiyong already knew where that gang would be, and he won't mind getting his knuckles bloody again. 

   He went out into the cold night and walked his way towards the 7 Eleven store two blocks away. He saw them, lounging and playing rough with each other, a group of four. Jiyong recognized yesterday night that one had long dreadlocks and was black. He found the right gang. "Hey," Jiyong said, and they stopped, turning their attention to them. "Were you guys the one who jumped on the guy you guys beat up yesterday?" Jiyong said, glaring up at him through his black eyelined eyes. He should be looking rough. 

   "Yeah, and who're you?" One of them said gangly. They were surrounding him and Jiyong smirked. 

   "He's the one who came to save his pussy," The one with dreadlocks said. "You wanna fight?"

   And that was it. Jiyong didn't let them react as he slammed his fist into his nose, feeling the bone break. The guy groaned, falling back onto his ass and Jiyong felt himself being pulled back. He flipped on over his back with a trip of his feet and Jiyong spun his body out into a reverse hook kick, kicking him hard in the chest. The fourth one pulled out a knife, ready to stab him. Jiyong craned his neck, hearing a crack and the man lunged. Jiyong sidestepped and grabbed his wrist, snapping it with his knee smoothly. There was a pained screech and Jiyong watched as the four laid down onto the cement, holding their injuries. 

   It was too easy and Jiyong knew that there was more to it. 

   "Are you guys serious?" Jiyong said, looking at them. "I didn't come here to fucking mess around."

   "Man, this guy's for real, Jason," One of the guys--Jiyong snapped his wrist--said to the one in dreadlocks. 

   "You're name's Jason?" Jiyong said, and the man stood up, spitting out blood and wiping his nose. 

   "Don't be fucking petty and go back to being a slut, pretty boy," He cursed. "You're messing with the wrong person."

   Jiyong shook his head. "No, I'm not messing with the wrong person. You're the ones who messed with the wrong person," And with that, Jiyong grabbed the nearest chunk of rock from the construction, and threw it at him. The man caught it with his hand and crushed it and Jiyong finally grinned. 

   "Come on, you motherfucker," Jiyong taunted. 

   The fight might have been the longest fight Jiyong's ever been in. At least he came out victorious. But he still felt shitty like every other fight. They were all out cold in front of the store and Jiyong spat the blood out from his mouth and walked away from the scene. His footsteps were heavy with exhaustion and Jiyong took in a shaky intake of breath. His eyes burned for some reason; a reason he didn't know. With a single step, Jiyong stepped into the shadows the next neighborhood. 

 

   Daesung awoke at 5 am to find the left side of the bed empty. Ai was curled in the absence of Jiyong, his tail wrapped around his curved body as he slept. He sat up slowly, to not wake the cat, and looked for any signs if Jiyong had come home. _I might go out at nights. And just disappear. Don't worry about it, though._ Jiyong had said. Daesung heard from Youngbae that Jiyong often went missing for days, weeks even, and he'd come back the way he went out the door. He'd only heard, not really seen. But now that he had, he couldn't help but feel the worry pit his stomach heavily. 

   Jiyong may be strong, but Daesung knew that he was soft at heart. Jiyong's true self was his shy, bashful self that only a few people knew. He might be rough and a little menacing but Jiyong only did that to appear stronger than he looked. He'd wear eyeliner to make himself look rough, and he'd wear differently from when he went to work. And it hurt Daesung because he could tell Jiyong was beating himself up. He didn't know why. But Daesung knew. 

   Daesung got out of bed and Ai woke up with a jolt. He stayed still and the cat stretched, his tail high as he looked at him and then at the door. Daesung smiled, sitting back down and stroked him. "Sorry, he's not here yet," Daesung gently said. 

   Ai's tail wavered and he jumped down to the floor and walked to the doorway where he waited. Daesung's heart ached and he was glad that Jiyong had something, if not someone, that waited for him at home. Daesung laid back down, deciding to lay and wait for Jiyong. He'll even make his awful mac and cheese for him when he came back home. 

   Jiyong came home in two hours. There was smudged blood on his arms and hands, a few scrapes on his face. His elbows were skinned and his jeans had another rip. He had dark circles under his eyes and Jiyong crumpled to the floor in a tired heap. Daesung treated his wounds and Jiyong just sat through it, silent and a little out of it. Ai was meowing to get his attention. 

   "Hyung, want food?" Daesung asked and Jiyong shook his head. 

   "I just want to sleep," Jiyong said. 

   "Sure," Daesung said and Jiyong stood up and climbed into bed, pulling the sheets over his head and staying still. Daesung sat on the floor, cleaning up the rolls and patches, setting them neatly back into the box. He even organized it since everything was disarray. He shut it closed and slid it under the bed and watched Jiyong. The light was beginning to stream in through the window and Daesung began to make his infamous mac' and cheese. 

   "Daesung," A croaky voice came from the bed and Daesung turned off the gas of the stove and went over to Jiyong. Jiyong's eyes were red when he turned his head slightly to look at him. "Why do I fight?" He asked, his voice cracking. 

   Daesung stroked Jiyong's hair, smiling gently as he could. "Because you're lonely," He said quietly and Jiyong began to cry. "You just wanted to be loved, but you got cheated on and you couldn't do anything. So you waited and waited," Daesung said, feeling pain for Jiyong. "And waited, but he never contacted you."

   With every word Daesung spoke, Jiyong cried harder, burrowing his head into the bedsheets and sobbing into them. Daesung couldn't imagine how hard it would be for Jiyong. He'd been so strong, keeping all his emotions bottled inside. It hurt Daesung to see him like this--small and fragile. He pat his shoulder lightly as Jiyong cried. He must be so lonely to be here. Always sleeping and staring out the window. 

   After a while, Jiyong stopped crying altogether and he sat up, the loose t-shirt slipping off one shoulder as he wiped his tears away. A smile of bashfulness danced on his lips as he laughed it off. "This is so embarrassing. I've been crying for two nights straight."

   Daesung chuckled and Jiyong began to shake his head, looking better. He was smiling now. "It's better to just cry it out," Daesung gently assured and Jiyong smiled at him through his glassy eyes. 

   "I almost forgot that you took psychology and natural science in university," He said and Daesung laughed. 

   "I don't exactly look like I studied natural science," Daesung chuckled, looking thoughtful himself. 

   Jiyong grinned and Daesung could feel and see the genuine in the smile. When Jiyong smiled sincerely, his gums tended to show. It's one of the things Daesung found attractive about Jiyong. 

   Jiyong took in a deep breath. "I do feel better," He admitted, looking bashful. "But I should gather myself up."

   Daesung nodded in encouragement. "Of course, hyung," He paused. "You still want mac' and cheese?"


	2. Heathens

   

* * *

 

 

Seunghyun raised his hand as he saw his best friend, Soohyuk, enter the bar. Soohyuk noticed him and was walking towards him, a big smile on his face. "Hey," He said. "Looking well, as usual, I see," He sat comfortably on the armchair across from Seunghyun. He was wearing a red suit that Seunghyun saw somewhere. 

   "I see you've gotten yourself Dior's latest collection suit," Seunghyun said with a light smile. 

   Soohyuk adjusted the red blazer he wore, a proud smile on his face. "I had to get it," He responded. 

   Seunghyun chuckled. "So what's up, calling me out to drink. I'm a very busy man," He joked. 

   Soohyuk laughed. "I was curious about J.Estina asking for a model at your company," He said. 

   Seunghyun shrugged. "They just wanted a model who has an androgynous taste."

   "That's going to be hard to find," Soohyuk commented, crossing his legs and taking a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. 

   "They want someone who has the vibes," Seunghyun clicked his tongue. "They're picky people."

   "I wonder why they're asking you," Soohyuk said. 

   "I'm the man who can find the person you want," Seunghyun smirked. "I have power in the fashion management industry."

   Soohyuk chuckled, taking a sip. "I used to know someone who might fit that description. Although he's not a model."

   "Oh really?" Seunghyun asked. 

   Soohyuk had a bitter smile. "He used to be my boyfriend until I dumped him," He said. "It was getting boring being with him."

   Seunghyun leaned back. "Is this the guy you introduced to me two years ago? The scrawny blonde?" He remembered that one night Soohyuk dragged him to a strip club so he could "get him out his system" and had fucked a younger man that soon became his next boyfriend. Seunghyun had no interest to console him or meddle with his business, so he took the night off to be his buddy. 

   Soohyuk sighed. "He had the looks, but maybe not the boyfriend material."

   Seunghyun made a thoughtful face. "What was his name again?" He asked but Seunghyun knew it already. He was interested in the scrawny, shy boy who kept squirming nervously. He was a little thin and bony but it made Seunghyun's hard day a good time. The boy's gestures like when he hid his gummy smile behind his pale hand made Seunghyun smile. Soohyuk had brought him to the club where he and Seunghyun used to go all the time. Although he was shy and bashful, the boy was a good dancer on the dance floor. Seunghyun could tell why Soohyuk loved him. 

   "Not telling," Soohyuk said slyly. "I know you'll try to find him."

    _I already did._ Seunghyun just calmly drank the rest of his champagne. He decided not to respond to that. 

   "Anyway," Soohyuk said. "You're not getting not a girlfriend?" He asked, leaning a bit to eat some of the nuts. 

   "No, I've been too busy," Seunghyun said, wryly. "I would like one soon, though. I need a little bit of affection in my dull life."

   Soohyuk chuckled. "Want to take a walk later? After we drink."

   "Sure, I'd want some air," Seunghyun agreed. 

   And they did. After an hour or two of chatting and drinking, they paid the bill and headed outside, where they decided to part in front of Chelsea Market. The cold was almost painful as it stung their fingers cold. They both wore heavy jackets as they leisurely walked. It'd been ages since Seunghyun had come to Manhattan. He was always surrounded by tall company buildings in the heart of New York City and his favorite place to take a walk was at Central Park. Only Soohyuk knew this place well since he lived near the borough of Manhattan. 

   Until they heard yells and sounds of bodies hitting the floor. Soohyuk looked at Seunghyun who looked at him as they walked to the source of the yelling. In the darkness, there were men attacking a single man in the alleyway of the two buildings. Seunghyun watched interestedly as the man fought back rather fiercely. It was dark and the only way Seunghyun knew was by the flash of metal. 

   "You fucker!" One mall yelled loudly until the other punched him in the face, silencing him and the others. He stood on unbalanced feet, back turned to the both of them as the man lay on the ground in groaning heaps. The man turned and when he came to the light of the street lights, Seunghyun saw his face. 

   White dyed hair was messed up and there was cuts and scrapes on his cheek. Dark black outlined his eyes making him appear fierce. His lips were bloody and Seunghyun was piqued. He wore red Michael Air shoes and ripped jeans. His leather jacket fit snug around his small shoulders and Seunghun could see the peek of his protruding collarbones of his white shirt underneath. 

   The man stared at them and then he laughed, tipping his head back to expose his neck. Both Soohyuk and Seunghyun tensed and Seunghyun even wondered if they were safe. This man could be a killer for all he knew. 

   "Oh man," The man said, bitterness bleeding through his words and Seunghyun had a feeling that he knew the voice somewhere. He even looked familiar like he met him somewhere. "This is fucking insane," He said, looking at them as his head tipped back. 

   "Ji...yong?" Soohyuk said, uncertain and that's when Seunghyun realized. 

   The man, possibly Jiyong, gave him a leveled stare and Seunghyun felt a thrill shudder through him. This man had something that made Seunghyun really piqued. The way he stood, the way he glared at both them through his black eyeliner, the way his face was covered with bloody scrapes and the way his lips shined with blood. This man as beautiful and yet rough at the same time, like a deformed diamond.

   "How's life been hyung?" Jiyong asked, looking bitter. "Still dating that man from two years ago?" He paused. "Wait, I forgot. You loved dating people for a good six months before throwing them away. Whoops."

   Seunghyun glanced at Soohyuk who only cast him a half-smirk and half-smile of extreme amusement. His lips quirked up a bit at the corner. 

   "You want me to console you?" He said calmly, unfazed by the rough words. 

   Jiyong had changed. He was no longer the fidgety, bashful young man. He'd grown. Handsome and stronger. Seunghyun found himself smiling a little. 

   "Console?" Jiyong echoed. "That's a funny word coming from you," Jiyong began to approach him and Seunghyun moved a little, watching, as Jiyong entered Soohyuk's personal bubble, his hand coming up--Seunghyun could see bloody knuckles--to lightly take Soohyuk's tie. The situation turned a little intimate as Soohyuk only watched with a neutral expression. Seunghyun could feel nothing from his friend but he could feel something from Jiyong. 

   "You're going to console me, hyung?" Jiyong said quietly. 

   Soohyuk leveled his stare. "You said you weren't ready that time when I held you," He said and Seunghyun noticed Jiyong's stare wavering. "Are you ready now? To be fucked?"

   Jiyong's hold on his tie tightened and his hands were shaking. "I'm going to fucking kill you," He whispered, his voice thick and Seunghyun wasn't sure to stop it or watch. He didn't have to think for long until a hand rough pulled Jiyong away and Seunghyun saw another man. He was wearing an oversized bomber jacket with bangs thick across his forehead. He had big lips and small (ass) eyes. 

   "I'm sorry," He said quickly as Jiyong opened his mouth, looking like he was trying to calm himself by inhaling air. "I'm really sorry."

   "Don't be fucking sorry, Daesung, he doesn't deserve it," Jiyong bit through his teeth. 

   Daesung, the man, looking panicked and unsure, only bowed his head. Then, his hold on Jiyong's shoulder gentler guided Jiyong to turn. "Let's go," He said, his husky voice soft. "Let's just go home."

   "Home?" Soohyuk said and Jiyong stopped still, Daesung looking back at Soohyuk. "He has nowhere to go to. No one to love." 

   Seunghyun glanced at Soohyuk and then at Jiyong whose back was turned on them. He didn't say anything but Seunghyun can tell from Daesung's look, that Soohyuk's words hurt Jiyong. Then he continued to walk and Daesung followed. After a moment of silence, Soohyuk scoffed. "Want to come over and drink with me?" He said to Seunghyun. 

   "Sure," Seunghyun said and then smirked. "I pray you'll tell me everything?"

   "Oh, definitely," Soohyuk said. 

 

   Jiyong smashed the mirror with his fist, angry, hot tears falling down his cheeks as the blood dripped down the cracked mirror. His knuckles were stinging with every pain Jiyong has felt so far, but there was more pain in his chest, choking him. Daesung exploded into the bathroom, eyes wide, mouth open as he silently gaped at the scene. Jiyong clenched his teeth, his tears burning on his cheeks. 

   "I hate him so much," Jiyong whispered angrily. "I hate him so, so much."

   Daesung hugged him tight and Jiyong hugged him back. "I know, hyung, I know," He said, quietly in his ear. "I know," Daesung took a shuddering breath. "But you have a home and you have people to love."

   Jiyong closed his eyes and held on. 

 

   The morning felt better for Jiyong. But his knuckles weren't. They still bled through the bandages and Daesung began to fret about how Jiyong might have to see a doctor and get stitches for them. He even went as far to worry about if Jiyong could even hold a pencil right. But Jiyong assured he would and it shouldn't go that far. Daesung still looked anxious. 

   "You're such a mom," Jiyong playfully poked his chest where the muscle spread out in a tight canvas. Then he opened his mouth in awe. "Woah, look at you, you're so ripped," He pressed his hands against his chest, feeling the muscles. 

   Daesung chuckled. "Last time you did got so interested, Youngbae-hyung was so savage saying that real men did pectorals."

   Jiyong made a face, taking his hands off. "He's just being a douche."

   Daesung laughed out loud. Then he paused, looking thoughtful. "Hey, hyung," He began and Jiyong looked at him from stroking Ai. "I'm thinking of moving."

   "To where?" Jiyong asked. 

   Daesung shrugged. "I want to live near Central Park," He said, smiling. "So I can take a walk there whenever I feel lonely."

   Jiyong stroked his hair. "I guess going home would be too painful, huh?"

   Daesung nodded. Then looking down at his hands, he said ,"I want to move on."

   Jiyong smiled. "Okay, you do that. Can I help moving?" He asked.

   "I was going to call Seungri and Youngbae-hyung," Daesung grinned. "And you too."

   "Yeah!" Jiyong said, excitedly. "Let's do that!"

   Daesung grinned excitedly with him and they held hands as Jiyong began to chatter how Daesung's new place should be. Even if being happy felt like a lie right now, Jiyong didn't want to think about it anymore. Like Daesung, it was time he moved on. Yesterday night confirmed it. 

 

   "It's been a really long time since we laid down like this," Youngbae commented. 

   "It has, now that you think about it," Jiyong agreed. 

   Youngbae answered with a high hum and Jiyong heard two excited voices that passed by them. "That's cute," One of them said and Jiyong agreed. His head was on Youngbae's stomach after all. Youngbae's fingers were knotting themselves in his hair. To them, this kind of position was one of the close gestures of affection. Jiyong was someone full of love, even he knew it himself. He couldn't help but hug people and hold their shoulders and be all touchy. It made him feel closer. Youngbae didn't mind the touchy part of Jiyong. Or so Jiyong thought. 

   "I haven't been at Central Park in a long time," Jiyong said, listening to the chatter and the birds. 

   "Me neither. All I smell nowadays is sweat and feet," Youngbae joked. 

   Jiyong laughed. "Man, that's gotta be so harsh being a dance instructor."

   "It's all good for me," Youngbae said and Jiyong chuckled. 

   They came to a comfortable silence and Jiyong felt comfortable. The sun was warm against his skin and the grass was a little puffy under him. He could hear the city life bustling, but the sound of people talking, the sound of hard running, kids screaming, birds singing. It was almost music to Jiyong. He'd never come out here alone. It made him feel lonesome in such crowded place. 

   "I heard what happened from Daesung," Youngbae said and Jiyong felt the fingers in his hair uncurl. "You okay?"

   "Yeah, I guess," Jiyong said, staring at the partly cloudy sky. "Hurts, but I'm," Jiyong paused.  _Used to it._ "Used to it," Jiyong slowly said. 

   "You know I'm here if you need anyone right?" Youngbae said and Jiyong felt him shift so he shifted too. Youngbae was sitting back and Jiyong just laid down beside him. "I know Daesung's more of a caretaker and listener, but you know," Youngbae looked troubled with trying to find his words. "I'm here."

   Jiyong smiled, really smiled. Youngbae was so gruff and yet so caring, it made Jiyong feel he wasn't entirely alone. "I know, Bae," He said and Youngbae grinned. 

   They stared at the buildings in the distance before Youngbae turned his head. He was staring at something and Jiyong saw a food cart selling churros, hotdogs, and ice cream. Jiyong smiled, remembering a time where he and Youngbae ate those on the day they met after the fistfight. 

    _"Jiyong,"_

_A mop of dirty blonde turned and his nose almost touched the white ice cream. He took it, grinning as Soohyuk took a seat next to him, his ice cream cone in his hand. "Thanks," Jiyong said, and his voice was soft with shyness. Soohyuk smiled, leaned over, and brushed a strand of hair from his eyes._

_"Anything for you," Soohyuk said, his bowed lips curving into a small smile._

_Jiyong giggled and took the first lick._

_"Is it good?" Soohyuk asked and Jiyong nodded._

_"Try it," Jiyong urged and Soohyuk took a lick, eyes on him and his face brightened._

_Jiyong laughed as Soohyuk took a larger lick. They ate the ice cream in comfortable silence and just when Jiyong took the last bit of the ice cream, a cold finger turned his chin and Jiyong felt lips on his. Staying still with surprise, Soohyuk lightly sucked his upper lip where the bit of ice cream was. He pulled away and Jiyong was still frozen. A blush spread across his cheeks and he let out a bashful whine, hiding his face in his arms. He could hear Soohyuk laughing at him._

Jiyong snapped out of the memory and he tapped Youngbae's shoulder. As the man looked at him, he smiled. "You want some ice cream?" He asked. 

 

   It was a never-ending cycle. Daytimes turned to mellow slumber and loneliness, nights turned into crooked souls. Youngbae joked that Jiyong's best shine was during the nighttime. Jiyong was once again alone in his apartment with ripped and scraped skin, bloody noses, and knuckles, and ultimately, the loneliness and pain in his heart. People would call him an emotional gangster, a mean delinquent; but Jiyong wasn't any of those. He was a loser. 

   4 am and Jiyong was on the floor, sprawled on his side, arm to pillow his head as he laid on the cold floor. Ai was purring against his cheek and Jiyong pressed his face into his flank, thankful for the small feline's comfort. His elbows and knees hurt from being dragged onto the cement floor and he could feel the sting of the blood from the scrapes. The bandages on his knuckles were loose and Jiyong stared at it numbly. 

   Jiyong blinked as he sat up slowly, Ai, flicking his ears. He stroked his head and smiled before standing up to stumble into the restroom. He stripped himself naked, stepping into the shower and turned to the hot water. The sting pained more with every spray of the water, steam brewing in the air. Jiyong washed himself and donned in only an underwear, he slipped into his bed. 

   Ai joined him with a graceful leap, curling at his side. Jiyong smelled guava and passionfruit, closing his eyes as he fell into slumber. He dreamed of nothing before waking up again, this time, the sunlight streaming in yellow. Jiyong closed his eyes again, letting sleep carry him in its arms. 

   

   Jiyong turned his hands over, staring at the reddened skin of his finger joints and his knuckles. The red mixed with the purple and Jiyong could feel the pain of flexing his fingers. The red was bright against his pale skin and Jiyong rewrapped them as he sat in bed. It was another wasteful day and Jiyong could feel the boredom and loneliness seep into him, making him cold.  

   After he was done, Jiyong went back under the covers, pulling them over his shoulders as he curled up. Sometimes it felt like the loneliness was actually killing Jiyong. He wanted to love. That was he ever wanted. To be happy. Not to hide everything with a rough mask. He wanted to be held, to be kissed like it was going to last forever. Sometimes, Jiyong wanted to just sleep and never wake up. 

   Suddenly, there was a knock and Jiyong turned from his side, looking at the door. Ai stared at it from the floor, tail flicking. Jiyong slowly got up, grabbing his t-shirt and pulling it over his head. "Who's there?" Jiyong said, his voice scratchy. 

   When there was no response, Jiyong steeled himself and turned the lock, opening the door to a small crack. There, stood Soohyuk, and Jiyong was frozen. His eyes met his and Jiyong slammed the door, locking it and stepping away. Then there was silence. Jiyong wasn't even sure if it was Soohyuk. "I'm sorry," A deep voice said from behind the door. 

   Jiyong felt the breath from his chest get knocked as he felt a familiar ache. He grabbed his t-shirt where his chest was. 

   "I know I should've told you," Soohyuk continued. "But Jiyong, you have to understand. You just never fit me."

   Jiyong's hands were shaking and he was squeezing his fists together to stop them from shaking. His knuckles and joints began to hurt, making his eyes burn. He slid down the wall, curling into a ball, as he tried not to listen to Soohyuk.  _Why now? Why come to me?_

   "You had nothing to boast about at that time," Soohyuk said and Jiyong swallowed thickly. "But, when I saw you two days ago, you changed."

   Jiyong closed his eyes and a tear slipped out. 

   "I don't know what happened, but you've...," Soohyuk paused and Jiyong felt sick. "You've become handsome. More attractive."

   "Shut up," Jiyong whispered, shaking his head. 

   "So I'm sorry. But, I can't help it. I keep seeing your face. I keep thinking about you," Soohyuk confessed and Jiyong took in a large gulp of air. "I'm sure you do too. Can't we just go back together?"

   "Fuck off," Jiyong shouted and in a flash, the door's open, and he'd slammed Soohyuk into the wall, tears in his eyes, anger flickering. "Don't you ever, ever say that," Jiyong hissed as Soohyuk stared down at him, a neutral look on his face. "You don't even know how I loved the past two years," Jiyong said, his throat choking up. "You don't even know how I felt when I saw you with that fucker.

   "And what? You're coming to me two years later, saying sorry, and asking me if we can get back together?" Jiyong glared at him. "You really an asshole."

   Soohyuk was quiet and Jiyong released his collar, stepping back. 

   "Just leave. You left me first. So let me leave too," Jiyong said, quietly. Then, without staying to hear his response, Jiyong went back inside and shut the door. 

   And if anything, Jiyong broke down into an uncontrollable sob. 

 


	3. All The Way Up

  "Search him up," Seunghyun let the picture slide on the desk to his secretary picked it up. 

  "This man, sir?" 

  Seunghyun nodded, sliding his finger over his lower lip. "Check where he lives, what he does, and where he goes. Have someone follow him, even," Seunghyun clicked on the window on his computer, opening up Gmail and clicking on the new message that was sent to him from one of J.Estina's photographers. "He's going to be a candidate for J.Estina."

  "Alright, sir, I'll have a whole report ready by tomorrow morning," His secretary promised and with a slight bow, he left the office. 

  Seunghyun began to write the message back to the photographer. 

_ I might have found one. I'll get back to you as soon as possible once I've confirmed his agreement.  _

 

  Jiyong spent his nights clubbing. He spent his days sketching, setting his mind to actually start working. He was going to lose this job and Jiyong wasn't going to live any longer if he did. Sometimes he got called out by his friends--Daesung to take a walk, Youngbae to go shopping, and Seungri to go clubbing. He was grateful for their attention; it helped him get off the stress. Or whatever stress it was. 

  "Hey, Jiyong, can you go to Soho, and take this to Rag and Bones?" The team leader, Tristan, handed Jiyong a package. It felt heavy and Jiyong almost dropped upon taking it. 

  "Sure," Jiyong said. "It's like three blocks away, right?" 

  "Yeah," Tristan clapped his hands, looking grateful. "Thanks so much. I feel bad for making you carry and deliver it but you were coming out and I couldn't ask anyone else."

  Jiyong laughed. "It's not a problem."

  "Thanks, again!" Tristan called as he went inside the workshop and Jiyong set the package on the table so he could shrug on his jacket. He wrapped the scarf around his neck as Larry smoothly opened the door for him. 

  "Thanks," Jiyong said and Larry winked at him. He ignored it and went downstairs. Someone opened the door for him as well outside to the street and Jiyong thanked him, walking alone Prince St. As usual, the fashion district of Soho was overwhelming with shoppers. Jiyong knew every inch and corner of Soho as he worked here and shopped here with Youngbae. Plus, Soho was the reason why Jiyong came to New York. 

  Jiyong turned over the corner and almost ran into someone, his head hitting  his chest. "Oh, sorry," Jiyong apologized, looking up, before he froze. 

  Soohyuk looked taken aback, staring down at him. "Fancy meeting you here," His deep voice rumbled. 

  "Right," Jiyong said unkindly and pushed his way past until Soohyuk caught his arm, pulling him back not too roughly. "What the fuck do you want?" Jiyong harshly said and a couple of people stared at them. Jiyong glared at them and they turned their attention someplace else. He glared at Soohyuk and the taller man looked frustrated. 

  "Have you even thought about what I said to you that night?" Soohyuk asked and Jiyong had enough. 

  "Look," Jiyong said, calmly. "I don't have time to think about the shitty confession you made. Nor do I have time to even talk to you at this moment. I have something to deliver, so bye," Jiyong said and jerked his arm away. He turned and continued his way down the street, his heart hammering in his chest, his anger dissipating. 

  After he crossed two streets and black down Prince, he made a right turn onto Mercer Street where he could see Rag & Bones's small store. It was smaller than the one in Brooklyn. He opened the door with difficulty and was greeted by the employees at the front. "Hey," One of the taller blondes, approached him. "You from the designer team?"

  "Yeah, Tristan told me to give this to you guys," Jiyong handed it to her and she took it under one arm easily. Jiyong privately thought how weak he was. That thing was heavy and there she was, holding it under one arm like no big deal. 

  "Thank so much," She said with a wide smile. "I'm Kaylen, you?" She held her hand out. 

  "Jiyong," Jiyong shook it and she smiled wider, of possible. 

  "Nice name," She chuckled and Jiyong laughed. "Thanks for bringing it." 

  "No problem. Have a nice day," Jiyong said and she nodded, smiling, before leaving to the back. 

  Jiyong would have stuck around to see the collections, but it was way too awkward, and so he left. Jiyong took in a deep breath once he got outside and made his way back to the office, hoping he wouldn't run into Soohyuk. 

  He didn't understand why Soohyuk asked to be together again. He cheated on him the worst way possible and didn't even explain, or give him a call. So why now? What changed? Jiyong wasn't going to say yes anyway. He wasn't going to get himself hurt. He was already hurt. 

  Suddenly, his phone rang, and Jiyong pulled it out, seeing the caller ID. Instantly, Jiyong frowned. It was a restricted call and Jiyong wasn't sure whether to pick it up or not. He did anyway, and pressed the phone to his ear, back pressed against the wall. 

  Making his voice rough, Jiyong responded. "Who're you?"

  There was a laugh and couple more chuckles from the speaker. There was more that one person on the line and Jiyong had a feeling he was talking to someone shady as fuck. "So, the other day, you hurt my boys," The voice was almost nasal, a little slippery, like a snake. "I'm sure you know who I'm talking about."

  Jiyong tried to remember. Hell, he fought with so many people, he couldn't remember. But if it was the other day, that meant the fistfight in front of the abandoned building in the Meatpacking district. The two men that fought with knives and had tattoos crawling up their skins. "Ohh, those guys? They're your men?" Jiyong said, disinterested. "Sorry, but if you're calling to challenge me or whatever, fuck it. I'm busy."

  "Whoa, whoa, slow down," The man said, taking his time to say each word. Unlike this man, Jiyong didn't have all the time in the world. "Don't you think you're messing with the wrong person?"

  "No," Jiyong said, not missing a beat to respond. "I fight everyday, lose or win. I'm not scared of whatever gang you are. If you want a fight, come and find me," Jiyong said. "But I'll show you that you messed with the wrong person."

  The man took too long to answer so Jiyong hung up and blocked the caller ID, reminding himself to give it to one of his friends who happened to be an FBI hacker. 

  Jiyong lit a cigarette and smoked it for a good ten minute, before dropping onto the floor, using his heels to step on the dying light. 

 

  Seunghyun watched Jiyong walk past him on Prince St in Soho. The man was dressed warmly with a tan-colored trucker jacket that seemed to have a beige feel to it. He wore a yellow and black striped knit underneath it with a matching scarf black jeans. Seunghyun could see the dark tanned Timberland boot that was tight fit on his ankles. It was a perfect outfit for the winter, isolating him from the people around him. He walked with a package in his hands, looking a little troubled; perhaps by its weight.

  Seunghyun smiled and looked down at the report his secretary made. His profile was quite interesting from Seunghyun's perspective. His secretary had done some deep digging, how he didn't know, to get all the small things on him. It was interesting as i that night when Soohyuk had his arm wrapped around his waist as he introduced him to Seunghyun. 

_ "This is Jiyong, one of my teammates in the fashion team," Soohyuk looked down slightly at him, his arm wrapped almost protectively around his waist as the smaller man smiled in greeting. "He's also my new boyfriend." _

_   Seunghyun smiled, trying not to look too intimidating as he was always told. "I'm Seunghyun, nice to meet you," He said and Jiyong nodded in agreement before flushing red and smiling, hiding it behind his hand, looking bashful.  _

_  It made Seunghyun smile at the shy gesture. The boy was cuter than he appeared with his low worn tight leather pants and tight white t-shirt. The eyeliner around his eyes made him look a little rough, especially with the blonde dyed hair. It was styled into a similar style of a faux mohawk. It looked good on him and he was handsome with his oval shaped face. Seunghyun didn't have to see hard that the boy was thin and slender. He could see the collarbones protrude noticeably.  _

_   It made Seunghyun's day feel a little better.  _

_   "He's mine," Soohyuk warned with a light tone, bringing him close almost roughly, making Jiyong flush close against him. "Don't think about stealing him from me." _

_   Seunghyun scoffed. "Pish, you little bastard. Who'd take him from someone like you?" _

_   Soohyuk only grinned at that. His hold on Jiyong loosened and he whispered something into his ear as Jiyong turned his head to listen. Seunghyun found himself staring at how easily the neck bones popped out. This man was truly either slender or just plain bony. Then with a cup to his smile, Jiyong laughed and Soohyuk only watched and Seunghyun felt jealous. Jealous of how truly in love they were. The look in Soohyuk eyes was true as he stared at Jiyong.  _

_   "You guys should just get a room or something, aish," Seunghyun cursed fondly and as Jiyong giggled, Soohyuk lightly bumped his shoulder against his. "You guys want to get a table or something?" _

_   "Yeah," Soohyuk said, taking Jiyong's hand into his. "Let's sit at a booth so Seunghyun can just sit and drink his ass off." _

_   "That's really what I do, I can't dance," Seunghyun admitted as they grabbed a vacant puffy-seated booth.  As Soohyuk went to get the drinks, Seunghyun happened to sit next Jiyong who was sliding a hand through his hair, looking intensely at the dance floor where the moving bodies of sweat and adrenaline were at. The lights were dimmer there, more traveling, and more flickered and spotted than the dim lights of the candles on each table. This boy was really making Seunghyun fall for him.  _

_   "Did you come to New York recently?" Seunghyun and with the intense stare gone, Jiyong faced him with an affirmative nod.  _

_   "I just moved here a six months ago, actually," Jiyong said with a slow, charming smile. "City life is quite different from suburban life." _

_   "You're from the suburbs? Where?" Seunghyun asked interested.  _

_   "I'm from Watchung, New Jersey," Jiyong said, almost ad if embarrassed. "It's pretty much a countryside." _

_   "No, that's amazing. My older sister lives there," Seunghyun said, amazed.  _

_   Jiyong's eyes got wide with wonder and just when he was about to say something, Soohyuk had arrived with three drinks on a platter in hand. One was tropical looking, one was orange and yellow colored like sunset, and the other were whiskey on ice with half a bottle of Jack Daniel. "Let's drink!" He announced and sat in between Jiyong and Seunghyun. Not that Seunghyun cared but he had a small feeling that Soohyuk was doing that on purpose.  _

_   Jiyong took the blue tropical one with the small umbrella and orange slice as Soohyuk took the sunset colored one. Seunghyun was tradition and old and Soohyuk knew him well as he took the whiskey on ice, drinking it one go. He was a heavy drinker after all. Half a bottle of Jack Daniel should get him a little drunk. Jiyong drained half of it, biting the orange before mixing it in with the margarita. "I'm going to go first," He said, standing up, jerking his chin towards the dance floor.  _

_   "Go for it," Soohyuk said, tipping his glass towards it and Jiyong grinned, sauntering his way towards the floor. He disappeared into the swarm of dancing people. Then Soohyuk leaned in towards Seunghyun. "Not joking, but Jiyong's an amazing dancer." _

_   "Yeah?" Seunghyun said, drinking his whiskey.  _

_   "Just wait for it," Soohyuk sounded proud. "He's pretty fucking sexy." _

_   Seunghyun only rolled his eyes. He heard that tons of times during their 10 years together. But he still kept his eye out at the dance floor, hoping a little to see if Soohyuk was right. And then he saw it, the roll of hips, the teeth that bit on the lower lip, head tilted back as he danced. There were oohs and aahs as Jiyong danced to the beat. His hips were moving fluid with his body into a sensual wave. The single body wave got Seunghyun's attention and Soohyuk nudged his arm. "See, I told you," He heard him say but Seunghyun wasn't really listening.  _

_   He was pretty sexy.  _

__ Seunghyun let the memory resurface, replaced by the rough, more intense Jiyong he met when he was came out of the dirty alleyway, staring at Soohyuk with a glare. It was the same thrill Seunghyun felt. He was a quartz, small and sharp, but now, he had become rough diamond, still yet to be smooth and perfect. But Seunghyun didn't like it smooth; he liked rough and imperfect. If Soohyuk had said he left Jiyong, then Seunghyun would take him and cherish him, show him the love that Seunghyun was more than confident to show. 

  "Let's depart now," Seunghyun said to his driver. "There's work to do."

 

  Cupping the Starbucks coffee in both hands, Jiyong sat by the window, the sketch across from him, his drawing utensils scattered across the two person coffee table. He had taken off his trucker jacket and scarf, now clad in the warm pullover. His hair was messed up from the half an hour long styling from the day's morning, but Jiyong couldn't help it; he can't think of a new style for a new outfit to present to the New York Fashion Week that was coming up in less than a month. Karl Lagerfeld was going to attend and Jiyong felt that he needed to live up to the praise he received a year ago. 

  Jiyong took a sip of the holiday drink, letting the warmth of the coffee enter his stomach. It was a good feeling; the feeling of drinking coffee from the winter. 

  And then suddenly, it began to snow. Jiyong stared in amazement as small flakes began to dapple down. The people began to pull up their umbrellas and hats to cover themselves outside. It wasn't a surprise to the New Yorkers but to Jiyong, it hadn't bored him yet. He'll play in the snow tomorrow morning with Ai. The thought made Jiyong smile. His cat was absolutely fascinated with snow. 

  Jiyong finished his coffee and stared at the blank sketch book. He plucked a post it and began to write ideas: snow inspired dress, geometric inspired patterns, etc. Just then someone approached him as Jiyong looked up, expecting Soohyuk, to only see a familiar face sit down across from him. Jiyong blinked, cuss words at the edge of his tongue. The man was handsome with a chiseled jawline and high cheekbones with a sharp chin. He had bushy eyebrows and a smirk on his bow-shaped lips. His hair was slicked back to a modern Elvis Presley hairstyle and the suit he wore was clearly from Georgio Armani's. "Can I help you?" Jiyong asked.

  "No," The man simply said and set his coffee, a safe distance away from the mess. "I'll just sit here, if you don't mind."

  Jiyong tried not to give him his bitch-face. He really tried. I mean, what kind of person just casually sits across from a random person, looking smug? And it was intensely uncomfortable under his sharp gaze. How awkward and Jiyong hated these kind of situations. Jiyong was about to ignore him when he felt like he saw that face somewhere. He put down his pencil and stared at Seunghyun, meeting his gaze full-on. He tried to remember, vaguely. 

  Where did he see that smirk?

_ Oh.  _

  "You're that CEO that made it into Forbes and Hypebeast," Jiyong said, finally remembering. He was hailed largely for being the youngest but most rich billionaire in all of New York, brought media's attention on his attractive suit and tie fashion (because, clearly, Jiyong had only seen this man in a suit and tie). He was on magazine covers, both celebrated as a CEO and model. 

  "Not what I was expecting but sure, we can build from there," The CEO said, with a smile. "I'm Seunghyun."

  "Yeah, I know," Jiyong said, finally giving him his bitch-face. "What brings a busy man to a Starbucks in New York City? And," Jiyong took in a intake of breath because  _ God bless _ , this man was handsome and it was almost overwhelming for him to sit so close to him. "Why are you sitting in front of me?"

  "You really want to know?" Seunghyun asked, and  _ boy,  _ Jiyong hoped it was because he was attractive because Jiyong's never gotten sick of that complement. 

  But, alas, Jiyong had to hold it all in. "Sure, I mean, you can't just pick me out of all the people here," Jiyong said. 

  Seunghyun only pressed his lips together, amused. "Well, it was a night," He said, making Jiyong disappointed but not surprised and also very confused. Then Seunghyun just stayed silent. 

  "That's it?" Jiyong asked, and Seunghyun nodded. "Wow, okay, well, there's been a lot of nights," Jiyong said. 

  "I'm sure," Seunghyun said and Jiyong internally sighed. 

  "Okay, Mr. CEO," Jiyong said, rolling his eyes. This man was more enigmatic that he expected. Then he paused, remembering Seunghyun's introduction. "I'm Jiyong," He said, more quietly. "Jiyong Kwon."

  Seunghyun's smirk turned a little more into a genuine smirk. "It's nice to meet you," He said. 

  Jiyong nodded and turned his focus on his sketch. But instead of picking up his pencil, Jiyong began to think. Seunghyun said it was because of a night. Jiyong was probably nocturnal, and with that said, he did all the things at night--clubbing, fighting, meeting people...and Jiyong was trying to think back all those countless nights of meeting this handsome man? Jiyong knew if he saw a ripper like him, he'd waste no time in flirting up to him, especially in a club. But strangely, Jiyong didn't think it was in a club. It was just a hunch. 

  And...Jiyong glanced up at Seunghyun who was staring at him with intense eyes, this man knew how to make someone feel uncomfortable and naked at the same time with his gaze. Finally after a mental game of push and pull, a phone buzz made Seunghyun look at his phone he set on the table. Pretending not to care or see, Jiyong watched him look at the caller ID before he put it away. He stood up and Jiyong looked at him. 

  "I'll be taking my leave now," Seunghyun said, and he took his coffee with him. "Good luck on your sketch." 

  Jiyong grunted, inwardly wincing how rough he was. Habit, he supposed, from being on the streets. But looking unconcerned about Jiyong's cold response, Seunghyun only smiled. He left the cafe and Jiyong watched him get into a sleek black Mercedes-Benz, closing the door and then watching it go. Jiyong shrugged and picked up his pencil. 

 

  "Hey, mind if I dance with you?" 

  Jiyong looked at the stranger with half-lidded eyes as he bounced his head among the mass of people around him on the dance floor. He wasn't really excessively moving like those around him, just moving his shoulders and bouncing his head and yelling with the others when the DJ hyped them up. "Yeah, sure," Jiyong said with breathless giggle and the stranger, a handsome, white man with auburn hair and blue eyes, got close to him.  

  "Mind if I touch you?" He asked beside Jiyong's ear in the bass of the EDM. 

  "Go for it," Jiyong said, breathlessly, feeling his chest thrum. 

  The stranger wrapped his hands around his waist, they were larger than Jiyong thought, thumbs digging into his hipbones. Their bodies swayed and Jiyong could feel the euphoria as well as the alcohol get to his head as he breathed. He didn't think a man's touch would turn him on, but it sure did right now as the man whispered sweet and anticipating things into his ear and it was getting kinkier. 

  "You're pretty sexy," The stranger whispered. "I'm Brad, you?"

  "Jiyong," Jiyong tugged his collar, popping his dress shirt open to reveal his chest. "You should kiss me," Jiyong said, staring at him. He saw Brad swallow before Jiyong was kissed roughly. Hands slipped under his shirt, holding him more roughly. Jiyong sighed into him and their bodies flushed together. There were hoots and whistles around as Jiyong wrapped his arms around his neck. They broke apart, lips wet, eyes clouded. "Want to take it somewhere else?" Brad asked, looking ruffled. 

  "Yeah," Jiyong said, his voice breathless. "Let's do that."

  Brad suddenly picked Jiyong up into a princess-carry and Jiyong giggled loudly, cheeks flushing, as he hid his face with his arm, moving to a more private place. He was put down when they were at a private VIP room upstairs. They could still feel the bass under their feet, through the walls, but Jiyong was quick to take off his shirt, Brad unbuttoning his dress shirts. 

  "Oh, shit," Brad said as Jiyong pushed him down, straddling him. "You're fucking amazing," Brad trailed his hands up and down Jiyong's waist and hips. "You're a freaking model."

  Jiyong smiled as he leaned in, breathing in the sweat and cologne of Brad's neck. Brad was sucking on his neck, pulling and biting his skin. That was going to leave a hickey. Jiyong began to groan as he grinded down on their crotches. Both of them moaned and Jiyong could feel his crotch pool with overwhelming heat.

  "You know, you're not so bad," Brad said, the sweetness in his voice gone. 

  "Huh?" Jiyong said, frowning, until in a flurry of rough movement, he was pinned down onto the bed. 

  Brad grinned almost triumphly. Jiyong suddenly felt sober under the tightening grip of his wrists pinning high above his head together as Brad sat on top of him, giving him a sly look. "Don't remember me?" Brad said and Jiyong winced as the grip on his wrists tightened. 

  "Who are you?" Jiyong said, glaring at him. 

  Brad looked mockingly offended. "I was the one that you that you were messing with the wrong person," He said, looking disappointed until he grinned, and there was a maniacal look on his face. 

_ Shit, it's the guy that called me.  _ Jiyong cursed and he tried to struggle until Brad pressed a knee against his crotch making Jiyong still. 

  "Now, now," Brad cooed, using his left hand to trail his finger on Jiyong's skin. "Don't forget who you were just making out with. To think you're so weak against men."

  Jiyong gritted his teeth as disgust creeped against his skin with every slide of his finger. 

  "But you're not bad," Brad said, pulling his tie off his neck and expertly, tied Jiyong to the bedframe. Brad leaned back, still straddling him, looking satisfied as Jiyong tried to wretch his arms free. He was wide open, vulnerable. His eyes trailed over his body, taking it the sight, and then glanced at the popped open button of Jiyong's jeans. "You're a little too girly for being a fighter," Brad commented. 

  Jiyong scoffed. "Who says that when even the prettiest things can be monsters?"

 Brad made a look of acknowledgment. "True, I won't deny that," He said and then smiled sweetly. "But people also say even the prettiest things can be defiled."

_ Fuck.  _ Jiyong struggled more, desperate to escape. He was going to get himself violated...and not in a good way. He'd been stupid to dance with the stranger he thought was hot. He completely forgot about the call. 

  "Now, now," Brad said, fingers ghosting over his nipples. "I promise I won't make it hurt, unless," He widened his eyes in mockery. "You're a virgin?"

  Jiyong almost bitterly scoffed.  _ Oh man, this guy is for real.  _

  "Really? Is your silence a yes?" Brad cackled. "What an honor."

  "Get off me you fucking ass pervert!" Jiyong tried to shake him off but Brad grabbed his knees, bending them back so that Jiyong was spread open. Flushing in humiliation, Jiyong tried to move his legs but Brad only gave him a sweet smile. 

  "Sweetheart, you're the one who told me to kiss you," Brad said. "Won't you let me?"

  Jiyong spat in his face and Brad wiped it off, amused. "Violating you would be a good idea," He mused and then teeth bit into his neck. Screeching with anger, Jiyong pulled away, feeling the skin break and bleed.

  "Fuck off!" Jiyong finally pulled the restraint loose and he didn't spend a millisecond to punch Brad in the face with all his might. He heard a crack as Brad was thrown against the wall. Jiyong pulled his clothes with him, zipping and buttoning his jeans. He was half naked, but at this point, Jiyong just wanted to get out of here. Brad was about to get up, his hand cupped around it and blood seeping from between his fingers when Jiyong kicked the back of neck, causing him to fall limp, knocked out cold. He kicked his body away from the door so he could get out. Exploding out, Jiyong panted, looking behind him for any weird men. He saw two in the hallway and they ran towards him. Jiyong cursed and ran the opposite way, taking the stairs which turned out to be a grave mistake. There were men in suits, tattoos crawled up their skin. Brad's men. 

  Jiyong used the railing to jump over to the 1st flight of stairs where there was a way to escape and he did. "Hey!" He heard voices but Jiyong was already on the first floor where the EDM drowned out everything. His mind was spinning and Jiyong was running, stumbling on the way, as he exploded out the club and out the streets of NYC. It was 2 am and there was no one around in the area. He saw a car pass to only stop where he was at, the window rolled down. Jiyong turned to see a familiar face and the raise of lips. 

   "Seunghyun?" Jiyong said, squinting. He could only see a hazy face. Damn alcohol. 

  Seunghyun looked amused as he leaned in. "Mr. Kwon. May I ask why you're half naked, holding your clothes-" He was cut off when his eyes focused on Jiyong's neck. Noticing his stare, Jiyong slapped a hand over it, feeling blood on his fingers. He heard yells and curses behind and saw Brad's men emerge out. They noticed him and Jiyong looked at Seunghyun who stared at them. 

  "Get in," Seunghyun said, not missing a beat. "Now."

  Jiyong was more than happy to comply. He opened the door to only be wretched back. Jiyong threw his clothes in first, using the rough pull to pull his arm back into a punch into the asshole. Blood gushed from his nose and Jiyong felt the skin on his knuckles split painfully. Jiyong got in and the car sped off and Jiyong shut the door as it drove at least 80 miles per hour away. 

  Despite the speed, Jiyong kept looking back to expect cars to be trailing them but the dark city street was left behind into the main, people crowded street. Finally able to relax, Jiyong leaned back, catching his breath. His heart was still thudding in his chest as he wiped the blood on his jeans. He used the back of his palm to wipe the sweat from his face as he took the balled up clothes. 

  "I'd like to know what happened," Seunghyun said beside Jiyong and he scoffed. 

  "You probably have a good idea what happened," Jiyong said, pulling the shirt down his stomach. 

  "Right, after I saw you when you came out of that alleyway when you fought those men,” Seunghyun said before he paused. He looked at Jiyong who looked at him, blinking, covering his mouth, looking surprised. “Did I just say that?” He asked, voice sincere with genuity. 

  Jiyong gave him a leveled stare. “I think it’s time you cut the chase,” Jiyong said. 

  Seunghyun put his hand away from his mouth, looking almost guilty. “Please slow down now,” He said and the car slowed to the neutral speed on the road. “Did you think about all the hints I dropped, Jiyong?” His voice was low, husky, and deep, reverberating in Jiyong’s nerves. It made Jiyong shudder with anticipation of how Seunghyun would be in the bed…

  “I have and I still haven’t gotten anywhere,” Jiyong said, pushing away the thought. “I fight every night. Some fights I remember, some fights I don’t. When you say it was that night, I can’t remember all of them.”

  Seunghyun nodded. “Okay. The truth is,” Seunghyun took in a deep breath. “I met you before meeting you in Starbucks.”

  Jiyong frowned, confused. “I did?”

  Seunghyun smiled a little. “You were 22 and you were going out with Soohyuk.”

  Jiyong’s throat instantly constricted. He began to remember. There was a man that Soohyuk always insisted on meeting and brought with him whenever he and Jiyong went clubbing. He said that this man was asexual and was a third wheeler for life. It didn’t bother Jiyong at that time but what Seunghyun was saying was now all making sense to him. 

  “He always brought you whenever he wanted to meet with me at the clubs. You were pretty scrawny and thin back then,” Seunghyun said with a fond tone. 

  “You’re Soohyuk’s friend,” Jiyong said, realizing with burning eyes. He felt cheated, lied to, almost. Why is it that whenever he promises to do nothing with Soohyuk, everything gets connected to him? Especially the man sitting next to him. 

  “His best friend,” Seunghyun said. “I never saw you after you broke up with Soohyuk. Three years later, I saw you coming out of the alleyway at night while taking a night walk with Soohyuk and I see you,” Seunghyun said, voice quiet. “More rough. Not scrawny and thin.”

  Jiyong felt sick all of sudden. He shook his head, stopping Seunghyun from talking further. “Don’t,” He said, taking in a trembling breath. “Let me off please.”

  The car smoothly parked near a curb and Jiyong opened the door, slamming it shut. He took a good, deep inhale of the cold air. The wind was almost painful with its stinging frost. His back was turned against the black car. 

  His eyes were growing misty, hotter with every minute and Jiyong wanted to scream. To throw a pandemonium.  _ God, fuck everything. Fuck him. Fuck Soohyuk. Fuck it all.  _ Jiyong screamed, kicking over a trashcan, causing it crash down, its contents spilling out. He kicked the trashcan, hearing metal against the ground, and he began to cry, screaming his heart out. Finally, he just slid down the wall, holding his head, crying. He didn’t care of Seunghyun was watching. 

  He hated him. 

  There was the sound of the door slamming shut and Jiyong saw Seunghyun approaching with through the fray of his white bangs. “Don’t come near me,” Jiyong hissed and the man stilled where he was. “I fucking swear,” Jiyong began to hiccup. “I’m going to kill you.”

  Seunghyun’s face fell, an expression Jiyong’s never seen. But that didn’t matter to Jiyong. Being lied to and being deceived to was making Jiyong crazy with anger and pain. “I hate you so much,” Jiyong sobbed. “God, I hate you and Soohyuk,” His voice was growing louder. “I hate you both so fucking much!” He screamed. 

  Seunghyun wasn’t even responding. No words of sorry, or any kind of excuse. Jiyong swallowed, getting up with shaky legs. “Don’t ever come near me,” He said, eyes glassy. Seunghyun looked at him with a look of guilt and Jiyong walked past him, shoulder brushing roughly as Jiyong pulled out his phone, dialing his best friend, Youngbae. 

 

  “Just make me feel better,” Jiyong said, his voice muffled from his head burrowed into the pillow. 

  Youngbae was sitting on the rug, looking concerned, and unsure what to say. “Can I see your neck?”

  Jiyong looked at him and Youngbae cracked a small smile. “I’d hate to see that untreated,” Youngbae responded. 

  Jiyong nodded and he scooted towards Youngbae who got out a first aid kit. It seemed Daesung and Youngbae was keeping large first aid kits just for Jiyong. Though Youngbae insisted it was for himself. Youngbae took a look and Jiyong heard a deep intake of breath. “Lemme guess,” He said. “You were making out with some random guy in a club and got yourself almost raped.”

  Jiyong wasn’t even surprised by how well Youngbae knew. “Yeah.”

  Youngbae applied medicine on it before slapping a big bandage on it. “So what happened?” He asked, putting away the supplies. 

  Jiyong returned back to his spot on the couch, pulling his knees up to his chest, a pillow in between his folded legs and chest. Starting with a choked up throat, Jiyong started from how he was approached by the millionaire. Youngbae listened from the floor, nodding. Then about his feelings. How he might’ve become friends. Until that happened. 

  “That’s rough,” Youngbae said, after a while. 

  “I hate everything,” Jiyong said. “I hate him and Soohyuk.”

  Youngbae pat his back. “Stay for the night friend. Let’s go exercising tomorrow morning.”

  Jiyong shot him a dirty glare. “I hate exercise.”

  Youngbae grinned. “Yeah because you never eat or get fat.”

  The smile returned to Jiyong’s face. He smiled and Youngbae smiled back. 

 

  The look on Jiyong’s face haunted Seunghyun. He was sitting on his armchair facing the window panel, overlooking New Times Square of his penthouse. The lights were turned off as he swirled a glass of Wine, 1988 Opus One, in his hand, the other rested on his cheek. He was feeling miserable, guilty, and just depressed. 

  He sighed and drained the glass, filling his glass again. 

  He’d never dated and this is what slapped him in the face.  _ You’re doing great Seunghyun. You tried to be cool, only to be hit in the face with karma.  _

_ Damn Soohyuk and his stupid off and on relationships.  _

__ Seunghyun drained the glass, the wine that he always tasted as sweet and rich was now bitter and salty in his mouth. Disgusted, he put down the glass, leaning back and sprawling out. 

  There was a knock and Seunghyun wanted to tell the person to go away. “Come in,” He said. 

  The door opened with a small creak. “Hyung~” A voice said with inching playfulness. 

  “Daesung?” Seunghyun turned and saw the younger boy grin with his small eyes fading into crescent slits. 

“I brought some things you wanted to get me,” Daesung handed a heavy manilla folder. It most likely contained the information J.Estina wanted specifically on the model they wanted. 

  Seunghyun took it, feeling strangely better after seeing Daesung. “Hey, you’re Jiyong’s friend right?” Seunghyun asked and Daesung nodded. “I think I really got him pissed off.”

  “You met Jiyongie-hyung?” Daesung exclaimed, eyes wide, lips curving into a smile. 

  “Two times,” Seunghyun said, miserably. “Ah, Daesungie, what should I do?” He burrowed his head into his hands. “I think I really messed up.”

  “What did you do to him?” Daesung asked, sitting on the other armchair. His face was illuminated by the light coming from the city below. 

  “I told him, finally, that I was Soohyuk’s friend and that I’ve met him before I approached him at Starbucks,” Seunghyun saw a flash of Jiyong screaming, tears on his face, feet kicking the trash can over once and then kicking it aside. It startled Seunghyun to see a violent side of Jiyong. 

  Daesung’s face instantly soured at the mention of Soohyuk’s name. But there was a look of empathy on his face. “And let me guess, you tried to approach him while he threw a tantrum and he threatened to kill you if he came closer,” He had a thoughtful look now. 

  Seunghyun nodded, feeling like a little kid in front of Daesung. It was like getting scolded by a super nice Mom who didn’t really directly scold him, but kept hitting the sore spots. “He said he hated me and Soohyuk and warned me to stay away,” Seunghyun could feel his chest tighten with depression. 

  “Sounds like him,” Daesung said. “My solution is give him a few weeks to cool down. I bet he’s at Youngbae’s place right now.”

  “And then approach him and say I’m sorry?” Seunghyun said and Daesung nodded, giving a warm smile of encouragement. He finally could see light and Seunghyun felt better. It sounded easy coming from his mouth, but Seunghyun knew how hard it’d be when he actually had to face Jiyong. “Thank you,” He said and Daesung nodded. “I feel better.”

  Daesung only smiled, patting his back. 

  To Seunghyun, meeting Daesung had been pure coincidence. The other man needed a job and happened to be good at organizing things so he was recommended as his Secretary. He just didn’t know he also happened to be Jiyong’s best friend. Seunghyun didn’t ask a lot about him, but Daesung sometimes seemed to have noticed and told him little bits. 

  And the man was a blessed angel. Never had Seunghyun seen him angry. He’d always greet people with the slight bow of his head, smiling like everything was going to be okay. 

  “I should go now,” Daesung said, after a long while. “You have a meeting tomorrow at 9 so don’t drink so much.”

  Seunghyun nodded, leaning back, suddenly feeling the day hit hard on him. He was feeling weak and exhausted. “Have a good night,” He said and Daesung answered with the same goodbye before the door closed. 

 

  They’d mistaken Jiyong for one of the models. 

  He had to admit, being mistaken as one is a huge honor and it flattered Jiyong, but he didn’t want the models to stare daggers at him like they did now when news reporters from Vogue or Elle began to thrust their mikes at him, cameras flashing, questions thrown into his face. 

  “I’m not a model here!” Jiyong had to shrill. “I’m just a fashion designer!”

  The questions were different still. Behind Jiyong, he heard someone say that his piece, “Last Dance” had gotten another notable acknowledgment from Karl Lagerfeld. 

  “How do you feel about the compliment?” “Could you tell us about yourself?” “What is your name?” 

  Feeling disoriented, Jiyong nodded, pulling on an uncertain smile. “My name is Jiyong Kwon and I’m a fashion designer of the piece “Last Dance” that model Sheila Herger wore at the catwalk today. And,” Jiyong paused, unsure what to say next. “I was once complimented by Mr.Lagerfeld a year ago and it’s an honor to be complimented by him again. I’m a huge fan and I’ve been inspired by his designs.”

  “What do you think about J.Estina?” One reporter yelled out amongst the note scribbling and camera flashing. 

  “Ah,” Jiyong suddenly had a brain fart. How was he supposed to answer that? “As a fashion designer, I find their whole label quite amazing with beautiful clothes and bags.”

  “Did you know that they were looking for a model and that you were sought out as a recommendation?” One asked and Jiyong frowned. Before he could answer that, he was pulled back to see his Team Leader, Tristan, grinning broadly. “Sorry, he’s done here,” He said and before the reporters reacted, they were fast walking into the backstage. 

  “Sorry you had to face all that,” Tristan said. “You are quite dressed as a model today.”

  Jiyong shrugged, looking down at his Chanel’s Blouse Crepe de Chine White dress shirt with the borrowed top piece of their Spring/Summer 2017 Collection. He had to say they were eye-catching clothing but not as good at the models. He wasn’t one and he didn’t think he was. It was a first to be mistaken as a model. 

  “You’re not dressed any better,” Jiyong mumbled and Tristan laughed. 

  “If I wasn’t dating my girlfriend, I’d admit that I’d ask you out,” Tristan said and he disappeared behind the curtain. 

  Jiyong flushed red, laughing in disbelief. “What’s with that?” He said to no one in particular. He regained his flustered flush of his cheeks and followed in his Team Leader. 

  The models stared Jiyong down with an expression of degradation. Jiyong hung his head low, escaping the room and outside at the half-empty private banquet. He took a slender bell-shaped glass of champagne and drink it all with a gulp. He set down the empty glass and watched a droplet of water slide down its slender glass. 

  It seemed no matter what kind of work he tried to distract himself from, he couldn't stop thinking about Seunghyun and the hurt look in his eyes from that night. 

 

  “What did they mean by me being recommended?” Jiyong asked Tristan. The older man offered to drive Jiyong to his apartment despite Jiyong’s protests. 

  “Well, it’s been going on for a long time but J.Estina recently contacted SC Entertainment and asked for an androgynous model for their new campaign,” Tristan responded. “It was all rumors but I heard they were looking at you?”

  “Why me?” Jiyong asked.  _ Isn’t CS Entertainment Seunghyun’s company? Why would he…?  _

  Tristan shrugged. “Not sure. Maybe it’s because of your looks.”

  Jiyong bit at his nails. What was Seunghyun thinking? As much as Jiyong wanted to go and ask, he still felt angry and hurt from Seunghyun and he just leaned back, deciding to let time pass before making any moves. 

  “It’s here, right?” Tristan said, coming to the curb in front of Jiyong’s apartment. 

  “Yeah,” Jiyong took off his seatbelt. “Thanks for dropping me off.”

  “No problem,” Tristan said, smiling leisurely. 

  Jiyong smiled and got off, shutting the door. Tristan waved from the window before driving off, the gas engine emitting steam. 


	4. Setting Fires

   “What if he really kills me?” Seunghyun said, still miserable. “I really don’t want to die yet.”

  Daesung looked at him with a thoughtful expression. “Jiyongie-hyung never goes back on his words,” He said and Seunghyun shrugged on the tan beige coat from Gucci Men’s sighing for the hundredth time that day. The model shoot he was having at this moment was for the cover of Hypebeast and Seunghyun felt too depressed to keep on a smug smirk on his face. It was hard shooting the first phase of the shoot and Seunghyun was feeling miserable. 

  It hadn’t even been five days since Jiyong threatened to kill him if he ever saw Seunghyun. Seunghyun drunk himself drunk over the past few nights, not regretting the hangovers he had in the mornings. 

  “Please do well,” Daesung said, following him into the shooting area where the teams and cameras were. The crew was working hard as always. “I’ll even drink with you tonight if you plan to.”

  Seunghyun turned on him, giving him his best puppy eyes. It always made Daesung melt. “Really? You’d do that?”

  Daesung laughed, his husky voice rumbling as he did so. “Yeah, sure,” He said. “If you put on your best look.”

  Collecting himself, Seunghyun let his hair stylist spray his hair again. “Okay, I can do that,” He said, determined. It’s not something often that Daesung decided to drink with Seunghyun. He had to drive himself home after all. Already Seunghyun was thinking of a good place to drink with Daesung. 

  “Let’s go for some intense eyes and slight smirk look,” The director said and Seunghyun nodded. 

  Seunghyun stood in the light, standing with a pose, knitting his eyebrows together into an intense gaze at the camera, a small smirk on the corner of his lips. The camera flashed and Seunghyun gave the camera his best smirk. 

 

  When the director ended the shoot, Seunghyun went over the finalized seven pics including one for the cover with the photographer and director, looking over the computer. After finalizing them, Seunghyun thanked the staff and his crew with iced coffee for everyone in the room. He changed back into his Giorgio Armani suit and shrugged on a Gucci long coat. “Where’re we drinking?” Daesung asked. 

  Seunghyun smiled, nodding to his stylists on their way out the studio. “My place? I have nice wine,” He said and Daesung smiled, nodding. 

  “Sure, sure,” Daesung said. 

  The driver was already waiting and the two got inside, heading towards New Times Square where Seunghyun’s penthouse was. “Would it bad if I asked you about Jiyong?” Seunghyun asked Daesung, the city lights illuminating their faces. 

  Daesung pressed his lips thoughtfully. “Depends on what you want to know.”

  “What he does, what he’s like other than a rough person on the outside…,” Seunghyun trailed off, remembering how Jiyong stared absently outside at Starbucks. His hair was messed up, white hair illuminating his face like a halo in the light. He was resting his face on his hand propped up by his elbow, his fingers twirling a pencil as he just stared, eyes unfocused. Seunghyun wondered how someone could be so ethereal? The Jiyong Seunghyun saw approaching Soohyuk had been so different from the Jiyong he saw. And he felt like he wanted to see more of this side of Jiyong. But it’d been twice he saw Jiyong’s rough side. 

  “You must really love him,” Daesung said, almost wistfully. 

  Seunghyun looked at Daesung and saw a bit of rue in his expression. “I really love him,” Seunghyun said, feeling his CEO demeanor lessen. “I really, really want to make him mine.”

  Daesung smiled. “If only Jiyongie-hyung could know how you felt about him.”

  Seunghyun let out a find scoff. “I’m sure he still hates me.”

  “He’ll find forgiveness soon,” Daesung said gently. “He just needs some thinking, some time.”

  Seunghyun leaned back, nodding. “Yeah,” He said, uncertainly. 

 

  Jiyong’s wearing the tightest leather pants he’s worn so far in his 25 years of life. New from All Saints, Jiyong thinks he’s gone thinner when he took a look at the mirror. His eyeliner is a little darker than before and he’s taken immense time to make it the way he wanted it. He’s even gone as far as adding a small drawn birthmark of a cross under his left eye. Jiyong hooked on a cross earring and pulled on a jacket. He laced on ankle tight boots as Ai sits next to his feet, licking her paws and then meowing up to him. 

  Jiyong takes her in his arm, feeling her head rub against his face and he kissed her on her head. “I’ll be back,” He promised and Ai purred. He set her down and went out, meeting his Uber driver outside his apartment after speed walking down the three flights of stairs. 

  “Coded Club please,” Jiyong said, climbing in. 

  “Sure,” His driver said and he drove off into the main street. 

  Jiyong felt his phone vibrate and he picked up the expected call from Seungri. “Hey, I’m coming in about 15,” Jiyong answered. 

  “Awesome, I’ll be right out to give you the VIP pass,” Seungri said, his voice high with excitement. “This is going to fun and I’ve always wanted to show off my DJ skills in front of you hyungs.”

  “Daesung said he’s coming in a little later and Youngbae’s coming soon,” Jiyong said, feeling a smile crawl up his lips. 

  “Okay, hyung, I’ll see you at the front,” Seungri said and hung up. 

  Jiyong put away his phone, sticking it in his back pocket as the car came to a smooth stop on the curb in front of the club. There were people lined up as the VIPs went in easily under the host’s supervision. He saw Seungri talking to some girl dressed up in a sparkling red crop top and a mini skirt. Jiyong got out, thanking his driver before carefully approaching Seungri. 

  “My man’s here, I’ll see you later,” Seungri flashed a charming smile before he faced Jiyong. “Hey.”

  “Maknae’s becoming a man,” Jiyong said, smiling. 

  “I guess I’m always maknae in the group,” Seungri said with a grin. “Let’s go in.”

  Seungri flashed a card at the host before they went inside the club. The EDM’s bass was vibrating almost violently under Jiyong’s Dr. Marten’s boots. He followed Seungri to the bar and slid a glass of cream colored alcohol towards Jiyong as they sat on the stools. “On me,” Seungri said. 

  “Oooh, what’s up with you, maknae?” Jiyong asked, taking it and sniffing it. It smelled of basil and pineapple. He took a sip, minding the basil leaf sticking out. “Oh, this tastes good.”

  “On me,” Seungri said, smiling. “It just feels great,” He confessed. “We’re all so busy and it’s hard to match our schedule together. So I’m glad we can all party together like this. Especially you.”

  Jiyong stilled at the mention of his name. “Me? Why?” He asked with a small smile. 

  Seungri tapped the table, looking dismissal. “You know, with everything going on. You’re always depressed and always so aloof nowadays.” 

  Jiyong nodded, silently acknowledging that. He continued to take sips of the drink. 

  “Let’s just be us for tonight,” Seungri said, looking almost embarrassed by his words. 

  Jiyong nodded and took Seungri under his arm, noogie-ing him affectionately. “You’ve grown, our maknae,” He said, laughing as Seungri giggled high-pitched. “Thanks, you.”

  As Jiyong let go of Seungri, the younger male flashed a grin before he glanced back behind him. “I better get ready. I’ll see you later, hyung,” He slapped him on the back and Jiyong watched him go to the Dj booth, shaking hands and exchanging a shoulder bump with someone who might be a fellow DJ. 

  Jiyong drank the rest of the cocktail and went to greet a few friends who happened to be the same club. “Hey, Jiyong, what’s up, man!” A white man, Mavin, slapped him on the shoulder and brought him close in a casual gesture. 

  Jiyong exchanged a hand slap with him, as the others he recognized greeted him. “Been doing great, you?”

   Mavin lit his cig in his mouth, placing the lighter on the table. “Yeah, been doing great too. You still designing?”

  “More or less. I have to work full time now,” Jiyong said as Mavin let go his shoulder. 

  “Sucks,” Mavin said with a exhale of smoke. “Want a drag?” He held out his cig and Jiyong felt the effects of the alcohol affect him as his head began to feel tipsy.  _ Fuck it. Let’s just party the fuck I want.  _ Jiyong took it and took an inhale. He exhaled afterward, taking it out and holding it out for Mavin to take back. “Thanks,” Jiyong said. 

  “You bought your pack of cigs yeah?” Mavin asked, pouring himself a cup of vodka after paying a host. 

   “Hell yeah,” Jiyong responded before someone shared a greeting with him. He exchanged more greeting from his friends and he was soon surrounded by them, laughing and smiling as some mock possessively brought him close as a sign of casual friendship, making Jiyong laugh behind his hand. 

  “Hey, you grew thinner,” Gray, another friend with a teardrop tattoo below his right eyes said. 

  Jiyong felt his hand snake around his hips and Jiyong grabbed his hand, stopping it. Gray stilled. “C’mon, man,” Jiyong said, smiling almost in a disbelieved way. 

  Gray took his hand off, raising it in a surrendering manner. “Sorry, man, just you’re bonier now. You eating well?”

  “I’m good,” Jiyong said. “I’m good with casual touches, just, not my waist and all, yeah?” Jiyong said and Gray nodded. 

  “Cool, man, cool,” Gray said. “Sorry.”

  “You good,” Jiyong said, assuring him with a smile. 

  Jiyong took a shot into his mouth, shaking his head to make the bitterness disappear. He bounced his head with the EDM and a familiar voice rang out in the club venue. “Welcome everyone to Nightclub Coded! I’m your DJ Seungri,” Seungri’s voice moved onto to someone else's,”and DJ Snakehead.”

  “Thanks for coming, yall,” Seungri said and there were whops and cheers with arms punching the air, drinks in hand. 

  “I want to thank one of my friends, Jiyongie-hyung, for coming too. He’s been cooped up and I’m thankful he came out,” Seungri raised his glass to Jiyong as everyone cheered and shot smiles at Jiyong’s way. 

  Cupping a hand to his mouth, Jiyong yelled,”Love you too!”

  There were chuckles and Seungri drained his glass. “Drop the beat,” He spoke into the mic before the cheering grew and a new techno EDM beat began to shake the ground and air as Jiyong bounced his head, holding a bottle in hand. He didn’t know where it came from but he took an indirect waterfall from it, hearing a few cheers from his friends to chug it. He waved it away. “Nah,” He said and there were boos. 

  He felt someone put a hand on his shoulder and Jiyong saw Youngbae and Daesung behind him. He greeted them with a hug and Daesung moved to pour himself a cup. “Cheers,” Daesung said, draining it in one go. 

  Youngbae laughed and drank his cup and saying goodbye to his friends, Jiyong took Youngbae and Daesung to the dance floor where Youngbae took out his phone in the midst of sweating and dancing bodied, videotaping Seungri Dj-ing. Daesung was just banging his head and laughing to the beat. While Youngbae was recording everything with his phone, Jiyong hooks a hand around Daesung’s neck, rolling his body against his in a mock dirty dance. Daesung caught wind and started going with the flow and Jiyong laughed as Youngbae watched them, phone recording and Jiyong leaned into Daesung, patting his cheek. 

  “I think Jiyongie-hyung is drunk a little,” Daesung said and Jiyong nodded, feeling the haze already. He grabbed Daesung’s forearms to gain his balance. 

  “I think I’m drunk,” Jiyong said. 

  “Let him be, he needs his steam out,” Youngbae said and hooked an arm around Jiyong. “Let’s party!” He yelled and they jumped with the others as Daesung went to get his cup refilled. 

  Jiyong let the EDM drown out his senses as he blindly danced, jumping up and down with the others. He didn’t notice he had separated with Daesung and Youngbae. When Jiyong looked up, he saw someone watching him from the second floor by the railing. 

_ Seunghyun.  _ Jiyong thought and he saw Seunghyun smirk down at him with a soft raise of his lips.  _ Damn those lips.  _ Jiyong thought, feeling everything grow silent and blurry around him. He couldn’t bring back the anger and pain of being deceived anymore. He didn’t know what to think. 

  Jiyong broke the contact and felt someone grab his elbow and Jiyong saw Daesung, pulling him with him as his voice drowned out the music. “Come drink with us at the booth!”

  Nodding numbly, still flustered from seeing Seunghyun, Jiyong followed Daesung to one of the tables. He saw Youngbae waving them both over. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself, Jiyong,” Youngbae said, sliding a glass of water. “Sober up a little.”

  Jiyong nodded, realizing how breathless and sweaty he’d grown. He drowned the glass, feeling it's chilled content loosen him a little. He felt soberer just as Youngbae said. Jiyong shook his head, feeling his head clear up. 

  “Seungri’s actually pretty good at DJ-ing,” Daesung said, drinking a martini. 

  “Surprisingly,” Youngbae agreed. 

  Jiyong saw Seunghyun walking down the flight of stairs, looking extravagant and the man stared at him, an intense look on his expression. Jiyong felt a shiver under his stare and thinking he was drunk, Jiyong took Youngbae’s glass of whiskey, drinking it all. “I’m going to think this is my last night clubbing so I’m going to just kick it,” Jiyong said to Daesung and Youngbae who watched him, looking surprised by his actions. 

  “Yeah, go for it,” Daesung said, nodding, looking a little blown away and Youngbae gestured for hm to go. 

  Jiyong nodded at both of them and he stepped down from the booth, heading towards Seunghyun, but meaning to go to his group of friends he’d left earlier. Jiyong didn’t look at him as he passed by him, shoulders barely touching. Until a hand grabbed his wrist, pulling him back, and Jiyong was met with the same eyes he locked with at Starbucks. 

  Before Jiyong could react, Seunghyun leaned in close so that he could feel his lips against the shell of his ear. “When I saw those guys there touch you, I felt jealous. I can’t stop staring at you,” He whispered and Jiyong felt his chest buzz. He could hear his own heartbeat, speeding up and Jiyong swallowed. And he thought just for an instant, what if this man was different? What if he could give what Jiyong wanted so desperately? And for a moment, Jiyong wanted to give Seunghyun a chance. He saw sense that it wasn’t Seunghyun’s fault for being friends with him; Soohyuk knew everyone and his contacts and social status extended everywhere. 

  Jiyong blinked, still staring at Seunghyun, whose grip didn’t falter. Jiyong felt like grabbing his collar and pulling him in for a kiss.  _ I must be drunk.  _ Jiyong thought. 

  “Then don’t,” Jiyong said, quietly. 

  Seunghyun’s eyes got wide and his grip loosened. Jiyong took in a deep breath and he decided to just lose his mind by dancing. 

 

  The blade cut through Jiyong’s finger and dropping all the things in hand, Jiyong hissed. “Hey, you okay?” Larry said, concern all over his face. “Let me get a first aid kit,” He said, hastily. 

  “Is it deep?” Tristan called, concerned, but not making a move to help. 

  “No,” Jiyong said, tasting the iron in his mouth. A familiar taste. He took out his finger from his mouth. It still bled and Larry was back with a big bandage and handed him a Neosporin tube. Jiyong squeezed a good amount, gingerly slapping a bandage over it. “Thanks,” Jiyong said and Larry nodded, taking back the kit. 

  Jiyong got back to work, cutting the large piece of satin. He put down the scissors and leaned against the table, looking at his blueprint for his sketch he drew. He was going to make a satin bomber for men and women. He sighed as his mind wandered to last night’s event. 

  The way Seunghyun’s hands were hot against his skin, the way he could feel his breath tickle his ear, the way he confessed to him, the way his voice echoed in his ear; it kept distracting Jiyong. 

  “I’m going out for some air,” Jiyong said and there was a grunt from Tristan. He went out of the workshop, going to the veranda to smoke. It was raining outside and Jiyong was glad there was shelter. He lit a cig and began to let his mind wander. 

  “You getting used to the full time yet?” Tristan stood next to Jiyong. 

  Jiyong lit his stick for him. “A little.”

  Tristan pat him. “I’m looking forward to you to finish that bomber,” He said before he went inside. 

  Jiyong heard someone’s scolding Tristan for smoking inside the building. Then it got silent except for the rain. Jiyong leaned against the railing and put out the end, going back inside. 

 

  Seunghyun sighed through his mouth, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s quite hard to find the person that you have in mind,” He said, calmly to the photographer of J.Estina’s campaign. “If there was one, it’d take time to put her or him in a contract.”

  “You’re the CEO, sir,” The photographer said, sounding exhausted as Seunghyun. “We’re not working for you for nothing.”

_ That’s true.  _ Seunghyun thought, feeling his head split. “Alright, I’ll see what I can do. Can you at least give me a deadline?”

  “By the end of the month or we’re taking back the contract with you,” The photographer said. 

  “I understand, I’ll do my best by then,” Seunghyun said and hung up. He leaned back, feeling his whole body stiffen and ache. 

  Daesung placed a new file on his desk, cautiously and Seunghyun groaned loudly. “We have to bring Jiyong,” Seunghyun said. “We have about four weeks,” Seunghyun said, pressing fingers to his temples and Daesung brought out a notebook, writing down quickly as Seunghyun spoke. “Two weeks we need to get Jiyong, next two weeks we need to put him into contract.”

  “Jiyongie-hyung’s gonna be hard to persuade,” Daesung said, looking worried. “I’m pretty sure he’s going to decline.”

  “Asking you to do would be bad, wouldn’t it?” Seunghyun said, looking troubled. 

  “Hyung doesn’t even know I’m your Secretary,” Daesung said. Then he paused. “Why Jiyongie-hyung, though?”

  “Some agents of J.Estina saw Jiyong on the street of Soho. They were unable to approach him so they took a picture and asked me to scout him as a model for them to use as their new model. Their first male model,” Seunghyun said, sighing. “And they caught wind that Jiyong was mistaken as a model at the Fashion Cruise Show for Chanel.”

  Daesung nodded, looking like he understood completely. “Jiyongie-hyung does look like a model if you really think about it.”

  Seunghyun silently agreed. “I’ll find a way to persuade him,” He said, staring outside. 

  Three days later, Jiyong came home, soaked to the bone and cold. Ai refused to greet him with her usual brush of her head and body against his legs, dripping water and cold. It made Jiyong feel a little better and he headed to the bathroom where he took a hot shower, letting heat seep back into his skin.  He turned off the tap and dried himself, dressing in a loose tank he stole from Daesung’s collection and settling in for shorts. He came out of the bathroom, steam streaming out and finally, Ai deemed it safe to greet Jiyong. 

  The whole routine felt too familiar, too depressing. Jiyong opened his refrigerator and took out a cold can of cheap beer, popping it open and setting on the windowsill where his unorganized first aid kit was. He sat on the bed, skin still steaming as he applied Neosporin on the cuts and skinned areas of his knees and elbows. He bandaged them and then applied a thin layer of the ointment on his knuckles. Like always, one knuckle was split, red and purple dotting the joints. On his forearms, he had large bruises that bleed purple. It didn’t even hurt anymore and Jiyong stared at the water dripping window. Outside, everything was blurry. 

  Ai mewed and began to groom herself. Jiyong stroked her fur, careful not to let any of the ointment catch on her fur. Jiyong leaned against the wall and sat in the darkness, letting his mind replay the street brawl. How he was dragged along the cement, how he was fighting back, cuss words shooting out from his mouth. How he wished everything could stop. How he wished he wasn’t so pitiful. 

  Jiyong took a long drink from the can and set the empty can on the nightstand. Deciding to sleep everything off and start a painful anew tomorrow, Jiyong bandaged his knuckles and crawled inside his bedsheets, welcoming the coldness of the sheets as Ai curled against his head. Jiyong faced the wall, stroking Ai to sleep as she purred. It was the only comforting thing to Jiyong; he could only hear the rain beating against the window and the distant roar of thunder. 

  Just as Jiyong was about to drift off to sleep, there was a loud knock. Jiyong’s shoulders jumped and Ai popped her head, ears twitching, eyes narrowed. Hoping it wasn’t one of the street thugs Jiyong fought with, Jiyong got out of bed, slowly, as he picked up the bat that leaned on the wall as he approached the door. He looked through the peephole, he was surprised. 

  He opened the door and saw Seunghyun, standing with an umbrella closed in his hand. Jiyong just gaped at him, surprised to see him, surprised that this man knew where he lived. But he was also a tiny bit thrilled. Ai sniffed him before she turned back to the bed and Jiyong blinked, searching for the right words before unconsciously, he blurted out,”What the fuck are you doing here?” Jiyong inwardly cringed how inappropriate it sounded but at least it wasn’t rough. 

  Seunghyun didn’t seem to mind. On the other hand, it seemed more like he expected the reaction. His expression, neutral at first, turned almost a little shy now. “You mind if I came in? I wasn’t able to get home because of the storm.”

  Jiyong clicked on the lights, still wordless, as he moved out of the way to let him in. The taller man lumbered almost awkwardly inside, looking around cautiously like he wasn’t supposed to be here. He wasn’t. But Jiyong was being soft at the moment and he couldn’t turn him away. He shut the door as Seunghyun took off his shoes and stood in the center of the small apartment. 

  “Do you want a shower?” Jiyong asked, awkwardly. “Do you want something…?”

  Seunghyun shook his head. “I’m okay, I just need…,” He paused. “You mind letting me spend the night?”

  “No,” Jiyong said, quickly. “No, make yourself comfortable,” Jiyong managed. “Let me get a futon,” Jiyong went inside his walk-in closet, reaching on the top shelf for the futon. He hoped it didn’t smell too much like Youngbae. He spread it out beside his bed as Ai watched, unamused. 

  “Thanks,” Seunghyun said, quietly, and for the first time, Jiyong could hear the exhaustion in his voice. Like he was holding it all in and now he was unraveling. 

  Jiyong went over to the fridge and took out a can. He held it out to Seunghyun who looked tiredly at it. “Thanks,” Seunghyun took it, shoulders rising into a sigh. 

  Jiyong sat against the wall, pulling his knees in, staring at Seunghyun pull his tie loose and take off his blazer. “Do you want at least new clothes?” Jiyong offered. 

  “You’re being too nice,” Seunghyun said, jokingly. 

  Jiyong smiled a little despite himself. “I guess so,” Jiyong said, quietly. 

  Seunghyun offered a bitter smile in return. “If you have clothes that will fit me, I’ll take your offer.”

  Jiyong nodded and as he was about to get the oversized clothes he kept, he heard Seunghyun say,”You’ve got nice legs.”

  “You’re crossing a line,” Jiyong said, handing it to him. 

  Seunghyun took it, meeting his eyes. “You’re letting me cross it.”

  Jiyong stilled. He was right. Even to Seungri who often teased Jiyong about being too slender of thin, he’d always tell Seungri to shut up. But here Jiyong was, letting Seunghyun’s comment get to him. “Damn you for making me feel self-conscious of my legs,” Jiyong murmured, feeling his cheeks heat up. 

  Then Seunghyun laughed.  _ Really  _ laughed. His shoulders shook and Jiyong could see the dimples in his cheeks. It was admittedly nice to see. “I’m sorry for that,” Seunghyun said, finally calming down. “I’ll go change. Thank you for the clothes.”

  Jiyong just watched him go inside the bathroom and blinked at Ai who stared at Seunghyun. He smiled at her. “You’re such an introvert, Ai,” Jiyong said, noticing how stiff she was. The cat was never comfortable with strangers since Jiyong was more aloof and didn’t let many people enter the apartment unless it was Seungri, Youngbae, and Daesung visiting. 

  Seunghyun came out and Jiyong lets a giggle escape from him. Seunghyun lifted a bushy eyebrow in question. “I’ve always seen you wearing a suit and tie but looking at you wearing clothes like those just fits you somehow,” Jiyong explained. “I’m glad they fit you.”

  “I’m surprised you wear things like these,” Seunghyun said. “You’re always dressed nicely.”

  Jiyong laid his head on his knees. “I actually stole them from someone.”

  Seunghyun huffed amusedly. 

  “Are those suit and tie from Giorgio Armani?” Jiyong asked. 

  Seunghyun nodded. “I’m surprised you noticed the small label.”

  Jiyong shrugged. “I’m a fashion designer. I just tend to guess the labels.”

  “I know,” Seunghyun said. 

  Jiyong stared at him. “Now, would you tell me how you I live here?”

  Seunghyun sat cross-legged on the futon. “Before that, I want to explain something to you.”

  Jiyong nodded for him to go on. 

  “I want to formally introduce myself,” Seunghyun began. His eyes met Jiyong’s. “My name’s Seunghyun Choi and I’m the CEO of CS Entertainment. My secretary is a friend of yours,” He paused and Jiyong raised an eyebrow. “Daesung Kang.”

  “Daesungie?” Jiyong asked, shocked. “How come he didn’t tell me?”

  “I told him not to,” Seunghyun said, looking guilty. “The reason why was because of me.”

  Jiyong just stared at him. 

  Seunghyun looked down at his hands that were now gnarled together as if he was anxious. “I wanted to grow closer to you,” He confessed. “But that didn’t mean I purposely asked Daesung to be my Secretary. He needed a job and someone suggested him to me. I didn’t know he was your friend until quite recently. And I do ask Daesung about you,” Seunghyun’s voice was now full of vulnerability. “Not nosy questions but things like what you like, or if you’re doing well.”

  Jiyong felt his chest ache and Jiyong inhaled and exhaled deep breaths to calm himself. 

  “But Daesung’s smart,” Seunghyun went on. “He never revealed too much information about you and he chooses his words carefully. He was respective of your privacy,” Seunghyun smiled. 

  “He better be,” Jiyong murmured. 

  “How I knew where you live and what job you work as is because of my own greed to know more about you. I had someone search up on you,” Seunghyun took something out from his bag. “Coming here was not a coincidence,” He held out a packet to Jiyong who took it. 

  Secured with a clip, Jiyong flipped through it, surprised to see pictures and a full report on him. It was almost terrifying but Jiyong realized Seunghyun was a powerful person. Jiyong felt almost robbed of the privacy he tried to keep but at the same time, it was so interesting. It wasn’t something common to see a report on yourself. 

  “There’s a meaning behind all of this and it’s not for my feelings for you,” Seunghyun said and Jiyong looked at him, really feeling the exhaustion in his voice. “I’m sure at Chanel’s Cruise Show, you were mistaken as a model and was interviewed by reporters.”

_ What do you think about J.Estina? Did you know that they were looking for a model and that you were sought out as a recommendation?  _ Jiyong remembered the questions that threw him off. “Don’t tell me…,” Jiyong let the events click. 

__ Seunghyun nodded. “Yes, J.Estina saw you and wanted me to cast you as their new face for their new campaign here in New York.”

__ “You’re telling me that you want to scout me as a model?” Jiyong said, letting a disbelieved laugh escape from his mouth. “Me?” __

  “I want you to look through the pictures, Jiyong,” Seunghyun was serious now. “Look at yourself.”

  Jiyong flipped through the pictures. He was shot looking behind his shoulder when he was delivering that package to Rag  & Bones. He was also shot when he was wearing Chanel’s Blouse Crepe de Chine White dress shirt with the borrowed top piece of their Spring/Summer 2017 Collection. To Jiyong he looked fine; like he was wearing clothes like he was everyday. 

  “You’re probably thinking what’s with the pictures but what caught J.Estina’s attention on you was your face expressions and your sense of fashion,” Seunghyun explained. “You have an androgynous face and that's what J.Estina wants.”

  No wonder Jiyong had been mistaken as a model. 

  “So,” Jiyong frowned, trying to make sense of everything. “You came here with purpose to ask me to be a model and be the new face of J.Estina?”

  “Yes,” Seunghyun confirmed. “I’ve been meaning to ask you for the past month, but...things had gotten complicated. And since I’ve signed a contract with them, they want a model soon. They’re growing impatient.”

  Jiyong looked down at the pictures. Jiyong wasn’t sure how to react to all this. He wasn’t sure if he should even sign with Seunghyun. To be a model? To be a face of a leading Korean fashion brand to make their appearance here in New York seemed to overwhelming. And, Jiyong knew better, being a model was also being part of the celebrity world. The world where there was almost no privacy, no rest, and always on the move. The opposite of what Jiyong wanted. 

  But...Jiyong could forget about fighting. Jiyong could have a way to bury his dark past that haunted him. He didn’t have to spend nights crying over being a loser for fighting. 

  “How much time do you have?” Jiyong asked. 

  “Four weeks,” Seunghyun said. “But you need to decide in two.”

  “What will happen when I agree on the terms,” Jiyong asked. 

  “You’ll be signed but first you need to be photographed. It’s like a test. Once you are photographed, I have to talk to my managers and second in commands to acknowledge you. Once you are, you sign a contract with me and without any practice, you are going to whisked off to be J.Estina’s new face,” Seunghyun explained. “It’s going to be a long process. And,” Seunghyun sighed. “For someone who’s being contracted without any proper education, you’ll be an exception. You can choose to keep your profile private. But once you’ve contracted with me, you can’t quit after the campaign. You have to at least stay in contract for two years to properly quit.”

  “You’ll most likely be either famous or a letdown,” Seunghyun said. “It depends on the charm you give them. If you become a letdown, I promise to do within my power to erase everything on you and you can go back to the life you’re living right now. But once you’re successful, I can’t guarantee how popular you’ll be.”

   “Is being a model hard?” Jiyong asked. 

  “It can be for some,” Seunghyun said. “There are strict rules such as diet and body.”

  Jiyong sighed and swallowed. “What do you want me to do?” Jiyong asked. 

  Seunghyun looked like he was thinking. “I personally want you to do it because J.Estina is teaming up with my company, but at the same time I don’t,” He said. “I don’t want people to know you.”

  Jiyong bit his lip, thinking. “Do I have time to think about this?” Jiyong asked. 

  Seunghyun nodded. “You have two weeks.”

  “Then I want to think about it. All this, modeling thing,” Jiyong took in a shaky breath. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

  Seunghyun nodded, understanding written all over his face. “I’m sorry to come so suddenly and dump this on you,” He said, expression full of tired lines. “I just...I’m just stressed too.”

  Jiyong felt bad for him. He felt it was wrong on his side for screaming at Seunghyun. Jiyong couldn’t imagine how hard it’d be for Seunghyun to be a CEO and live under so much expectation. Jiyong went over to Seunghyun and hugged him. He held Seunghyun’s head and pat his back. 

  He felt Seunghyun rest against him, head on his shoulder. He felt Seunghyun’s hand on his back, cautious. "I'm sorry for being extreme that day. I shouldn't blame you for being Soohyuk's friend," Jiyong said. "Please don't let it become stress to you."

   "I don't know, was it?" Seunghyun's voice was sly and Jiyong laughed, hitting his shoulder. "Thank you," Seunghyun said. 

   They stayed like that for some time, just in each other's embrace. Jiyong felt like comforting Seunghyun. Jiyong then, let go and went back to his bed. "You should get some rest," Jiyong said, feeling flustered. "It's already 3 am and I'm sure there's stuff for you to do."

   "I'm actually free tomorrow," Seunghyun said, thoughtfully. 

   Jiyong smiled. "Me too," He said, shyly. 

   Seunghyun looked down at his lap, suddenly shy and Jiyong grinned at this new side he was seeing. It was cute to see. 

   "If there are any questions you have," Seunghyun said after a moment of silence. "This is my card," He held out a business card and Jiyong took it. "If Daesung picks up, don't hesitate to just say your name."

   Jiyong nodded. "Thank you," He said and he looked at the card. Then after a moment of studying it, he gestured to the kitchen. "If you happen to wake up before me, feel free to cook something for yourself. You can stay as long as you like and leave without telling me," He said. 

   "Oh, don't worry," Seunghyun shot him a mischievous smile. 

   Jiyong giggled and he climbed into bed. "Good night," He said, facing the wall. 

   "Good night, Jiyong," Seunghyun said. 

   Jiyong was surprised that he fell asleep easily. The day had been tiring and almost depressing but Jiyong found himself thanking Seunghyun for coming by and confess everything. It must've been hard. He thanked the rain as well. 


	5. In My Head

   Seunghyun woke up with Jiyong’s back turned onto him. His cat was fast asleep, curled beside Jiyong’s head on the pillow. Careful not to wake him, Seunghyun sat up on the bed, and then momentarily forgot how he got in bed with Jiyong.  _ Ah. It got cold during the morning and he offered to me in getting in his bed.  _ Seunghyun nodded in realization. He felt tired and renewed at the same time. It was 9:45 and Seunghyun went back to the futon on the floor. The heater was on now, automatically, but before it had been off. 

  Seunghyun smelled of flowers and smiled to himself. Jiyong smelled sweet and if that wasn’t weird, the bed had been very warm when he got inside. Seunghyun went inside the bathroom to relieve himself and came out with Jiyong already up. The other male was kissing his cat and hugging it to his chest. 

  “You’re awfully cute like that,” Seunghyun said, sitting down on the futon. 

  Jiyong shot him a withering look before he smiled at his cat. “I’m not good enough to be cute,” Jiyong said, letting his cat’s paws go. It meowed. 

  “Not to me,” Seunghyun said and Jiyong made a look of a cross between shy and doubtful. “I feel like you’re teasing me,” He said, walking to the kitchen. 

  “I am,” Seunghyun admitted. “Just a little,” He smiled and Jiyong chuckled. 

  “Did you sleep well?” Jiyong asked, taking out a pan and rummaging through his refrigerator. Once he got the items he needed, he pulled out a knife and a cutting board. 

  “I did, thank you. You can cook?” Seunghyun asked, sitting on the chair of the bar table. He watched Jiyong take out a grater and grind the zucchini whole against it. 

  “One of my friends taught me to make at least scampi. I don’t properly eat,” Jiyong shook the grate and let the pile of stripped zucchini stay as he pushed it to the right side of the cutting board. “And since you’re a guest, I might as well properly make your breakfast.”

  Seunghyun found himself smiling fondly at Jiyong. Watching him cook was endearing. “Let me take you out to lunch, then,” He offered.  

  Jiyong nodded slowly, a thin smile gracing his lips. He gripped the knife firmly and began to mince the garlic. “In the meantime, can you feed Ai?” He asked, throwing shrimp into the pan and watching it fry. 

  “Your cat?” Seunghyun asked the feline looked up at Seunghyun. “Sure,” He said. 

  “The cat food’s by the fridge,” Jiyong said, scattering salt and black pepper. 

  Seunghyun got down from the stool and peered inside the large cat food. He saw a scooper and scooped a good amount, holding it up for Jiyong to see. 

  “That's good,” Jiyong responded and he used the knife to slide the zucchini into the pan. 

  There was the sound of food frying and while Jiyong was busy, Seunghyun poured the amount of food into the food bowl. Ai began to eat and Seunghyun put the scoop back into the bag. Seunghyun helped set the forks and the small plates. 

  “Thanks,” Jiyong said, laughing a little. 

  “No problem,” Seunghyun said and Jiyong was finished. He set the plate on the table and sat down. Seunghyun sat down across from him. “It looks really good,” He said, his stomach rumbling at the sight. 

  “Go for it,” Jiyong said and he took his fork and took some into his small plate. 

  “I was wondering,” Seunghyun said in between bites.  _ This is really good.  _ Seunghyun thought. “If you would like to go on a date with me.”

  “Today?” Jiyong asked. 

  “Yeah. I was wondering if we could go to MoMa,” Seunghyun said, looking up at him. “I have tickets for two.”

  “With lunch?” Jiyong asked, with a sly smile. 

  “I promised,” Seunghyun agreed and Jiyong nodded.

  “I’d love to,” Jiyong said and he took a bite. 

  Seunghyun watched him eat, taking a forkful into his mouth, hair messed.  _ You’re really cute.  _ Seunghyun thought. 

  Seunghyun helped Jiyong in cleaning up by doing the dishes as Jiyong put away the ingredients. Then Jiyong laughed, leaning against the counter for support as Seunghyun hummed in his throat in question. “It feels like we’re a married couple,” Jiyong said, laughing into his hand. 

  Seunghyun smiled. “I’m glad I wasn’t the only one,” Seunghyun said and Jiyong smiled with his gums showing. 

  Jiyong got himself ready to go out, applying makeup and then dressing warmly for the weather. “You sure you’re not going to be cold?” Seunghyun asked, eyeing the thin black low collared shirt Jiyong wore. He tried not to stare too much at the chest and collarbone exposure but it was hard not to stare and find it sexy. He wore black ripped jeans and gray socks. His jacket, from BSX Clothing Brand, seemed both warm and thin with his army jacket pattern and its fur lined hood. 

  “I’m not,” Jiyong said and he slipped on a few silver and jewel encrusted rings. He stacked some up, purple on orange, green on lime green and it honestly made Seunghyun want to his hands. “Ready?” He asked with a smile. 

  “Ready when you are,” Seunghyun almost stumbled on his words, composing himself. 

  Jiyong picked up Ai who meowed loudly around his legs. “Bye, Ai,” He kissed her nose and the cat licked his lips. Jiyong put her down and they went out. 

 

  “You can’t drive?” Jiyong asked almost incredulously. 

  Seunghyun laughed in embarrassment, head bowed as he strapped himself into the passenger's seat. “I’ve always had a driver drive for me.”

  Jiyong let out a disbelieved chuckle, clicking on the seatbelt and starting the car. “That’s amazing,” He said with sarcasm and surprise. “Seriously, amazing,” He turned the wheel, pushing the car to merge with the road. 

  As Seunghyun just smiled, still looking embarrassed, Jiyong searched for his sunglasses he bought from RayBans. Seunghyun picked up a black rimmed sunglass with square-shaped lenses. “Is this RayBan’s Original Wayfarer style?” He asked and Jiyong took it, keeping his eyes on the road with a grateful smile. 

  “Yup,” Jiyong said and he hooked it on over his eyes, pushing it up higher so it settled comfortably. “I didn’t like your Gucci sunglasses,” Jiyong said, remembering the sunglasses he saw at Starbucks. “It didn’t go well with your outfit.”

  Seunghyun made a mock sound of offense. “My style is not for you to criticize.”

  Jiyong laughed as he made a turn, going straight towards the center of Manhattan. He felt Seunghyun watch him, gaze intense like he was studying him. His neck felt hot with such a stare and Jiyong scratched the side of his head. “What’s for lunch?” He asked, deciding to make a small talk as he drove. 

  “Not the museum’s cafeteria,” Seunghyun answered, focus on the road now. “Somewhere nice.”

  “It better be good,” Jiyong warned teasingly. 

  “Oh, it will,” Seunghyun assured. 

  “I like rich and luxurious over street food,” Jiyong said with a smile and he made a smooth left onto 10th Avenue. 

  “I can be rich and luxurious for you,” Seunghyun said, his voice quiet and Jiyong shot him a look. 

  “Don’t cross the line,” Jiyong warned and Seunghyun chuckled. 

  “I’m not going to if you’re not ready,” Seunghyun responded and as the streetlight turned red, Jiyong came to slow stop and he met Seunghyun’s gaze. Jiyong softened as he saw the look in his eyes, a look of almost desperate promise.  _ Will he give me what Soohyuk failed to give me?  _ Jiyong wondered. 

  Jiyong smiled and the light turned green. Jiyong drove again, keeping one hand on the wheel. “You’re not going to try to hide your feelings for me huh?” Jiyong said, keeping his eyes forward, glad that Seunghyun couldn’t see his eyes. 

  “No,” Seunghyun admitted. “I tried and I can’t,” He looked outside. “When did you notice?”

  “Yesterday,” Jiyong said. “I just could tell.”

  “Am I going to have to wait?” Seunghyun asked and Jiyong nodded. 

  “It’s hard to think about your feelings when you’re asking me to sign with you as a model for your company,” Jiyong confessed. “That doesn’t mean I’m ignoring your feelings, I’m just saying I want to take things one by one.”

  “I know,” Seunghyun said, his tone light. “And that’s totally fine. I understand,” His voice was laced with soft understanding and Jiyong wanted to thank him for understanding. But he couldn’t find a voice. 

  “I’m kind of interested,” Jiyong admitted. “I have my own personal reasons and also because...you seem desperate.”

  Seunghyun sighed. “You noticed that too?”

  “I mean,” Jiyong quickly said. “You went as far to come to my apartment.”

  “I’m showing too much,” Seunghyun said almost ruefully. 

  “But it's making me waver,” Jiyong said. 

  There was silence before Seunghyun responded,”Really? Because you’ve made me shake since I met you two years ago.”

_ Lords, his voice.  _ Jiyong thought, his velvet deep voice ringing in his ears. He swallowed and Jiyong accidentally felt his fingers graze with Seunghyun’s when he was reaching for gum. He felt a surge of heat up his finger, to his palm, to his wrist and then upward. Feeling his cheeks heat up, Jiyong made a right turn onto West 57th Street. “We’re almost here,” Jiyong said, trying to change the subject. 

  “You have to admit I’m pretty smooth when it comes to talking,” Seunghyun said, leaning back leisurely. 

  “You have to admit I’m probably the only guy you’ve liked,” Jiyong said with a thoughtful smile as he made a right after successfully driving through all the green street lights. 

  “What makes you say that?” Seunghyun asked, looking surprised. 

  Jiyong turned the wheel into a smooth parking on the curb of the street in front of the museum. Seunghyun whistled and Jiyong took off his sunglasses, looking at Seunghyun. “Because you said so in Hypebeast,” Jiyong replied and he ducked his head, climbing out of the car. 

  “Aren’t you sharp,” Seunghyun wryly said, shutting the door. 

  Jiyong grinned as they went inside the museum. 

 

  Throughout their tour around the museum with just the two of them, Seunghyun couldn’t stop smiling. Not because he himself was an art nerd, but because he was bringing Jiyong to one of his favorite museums in New York. Seunghyun usually didn’t like to bring people with him to museums; he liked going around and around at his own pace, lost in his own world. 

  Jiyong was relatively quiet as his eyes scanned the art pieces, sometimes staring at the pieces for a long time, lips pursed into a thoughtful pout. Sometimes he would listen attentively as Seunghyun started to talk excitedly and rather passionately about few of the art he personally liked. Jiyong would listen and then smile, turning away before Seunghyun could wonder what it meant. 

  But Seunghyun took his time to stare more at Jiyong. The way he just stood, hands in his jacket’s pocket, hair messed but fluffy and soft-looking, and the way his lips pouted; Seunghyun found each gesture, each movement he made almost graceful. And that’s when Seunghyun realized he was head over heels for this man. Yes, he was desperate to get Jiyong to sign into his agency and be J.Estina’s new model but he also wanted him closer. Nearer so he could see his face everyday. 

  Before they left the museum, they visited the store and as Seunghyun stared at the artbooks, Jiyong was looking at the solar panel energized lamps that lit up when opened like a book. It was the latest trend for those who liked adventure but the way the lamp lit in Jiyong’s face, illuminating his oval shaped face was breathtaking. 

  Seunghyun was also conflicted whether to buy an artbook when Jiyong came up beside him, a package of the book shaped lamp in his hand. “You’re going to buy that?” Seunghyun asked and Jiyong nodded. 

  “It’s cute,” Jiyong said with a tender smile. 

  “You’re cute,” Seunghyun blurted out when he saw the smile literally light up Jiyong’s face, cute gums showing. 

  Jiyong blinked before he got into a fit of giggles, doubling over and Seunghyun felt humiliated and embarrassed all at the same time. He couldn’t believe he just said that without thinking; him, CEO of CS Entertainment. 

  “You know what,” Jiyong said, taking a shaky breath in after giggling. “You’re cute too,” He said. 

  “Me?” Seunghyun followed Jiyong to the desk. “Why?”

  “Because you’re so passionate about art, your face just sort of drops its CEO facade and you look like a college student, nerded out by art,” Jiyong answered, pulling out a black card. Seunghyun stared at it wondering how much money Jiyong had when the shorter caught his stare. “Yes, I’m rich too,” He said as the cashier took it. 

  “Then why do you live in a run down apartment and not live in a condo or apartments in New Times?” Seunghyun asked. 

  Jiyong took the bag that held his purchased item. “I like the simplicity of living in places like that. Run down appearances but yet cozy. Rich rooms don’t have that kind of atmosphere,” Jiyong answered and they finally went out. 

  “Then you must have a lot of money in that black card,” Seunghyun said, curious. 

  “More or less,” Jiyong said. 

  Seunghyun nodded, now understanding. His small apartment did have its cozy vibes. He just wasn’t sure how Jiyong didn’t get cold when the heater was turned off. They walked out of from the store’s exit and out into the streets where Jiyong took out a pack of what Seunghyun noticed were cigarettes. Catching his look, they stared at each other, the pack halfway out of Jiyong’s pockets before Seunghyun pulled out his lighter from the inside of his blazer. 

  Letting out a small laugh, Jiyong pushed out a stick and offered one to Seunghyun as they walked off the smoking area at the side. Smiling, Seunghyun took one and lit his own before leaning in to light Jiyong’s with his own burning end. 

  “Smooth,” Jiyong commented, taking it in and then exhaling it out. 

  “I didn’t know you smoke,” Seunghyun said. “I learn something new about you everyday.”

  Jiyong chuckled. “I try not to smoke often,” He said. “Or at least not addicted to it.”

  “Me too,” Seunghyun agreed. 

  They took a quiet moment of peace to smoke before Jiyong asked,”What did you learn about me yesterday?”

  Seunghyun took in inhale before letting it out. He pressed his lips together, collecting memories from the early morning. “I guess...you dress like a hobo?” 

  Jiyong laughed out loud, hand coming up to hide his smile as he started coughing and Seunghyun snapped out from his joking facade to pat Jiyong on the back to soothe him. Jiyong was smiling as he regained his composure. “I don’t dress like a hobo!” He protested. 

  “What kind of small guy like you wears giant sized t-shirts and sweats? Don’t the sweats slip off your hips?” Seunghyun asked. 

  “Girls do it,” Jiyong argued. 

  “I admit you’re cute and pretty like one,” Seunghyun paused when Jiyong shot him a glare. “But your claim is invalid.”

  Jiyong pouted. “It’s comfortable,” He said, defensive of himself now. 

  Seunghyun nudged him with his arm. “I’m sorry. I was just joking.”

  Jiyong only shot him a smile that melted Seunghyun. Seunghyun wasn’t sure if Jiyong’s lips that were pink and soft-looking were on purpose or it was really Seunghyun’s mind because the man wanted to sweep Jiyong into his arms and kiss him. 

  Sliding a hand through his hair, Jiyong ground the end of his stick into the smoke bowl where ash and other stubs were thrown away. His pulled out his sunglasses and put them on all in one fluid motion and it took Seunghyun’s breath away. 

  “You can smoke in my car if you want,” Jiyong said with a bright smile. “Let’s go.”

  Seunghyun nodded numbly, following Jiyong to his car. Seunghyun stared at his back and how small shoulders he had. It was amazing to think that this man--with a smile and laugh like an angel’s--could change to be a rough misfit on the streets. Seunghyun let his gaze fall down until he took the sight of Jiyong’s slender legs. 

  Snapping himself out of it, Seunghyun climbed inside into the passenger’s seat as Jiyong started the car. “Where’s the restaurant you’re going to take me?” He asked. 

  “Kurumazushi,” Seunghyun said, exhaling a puff of smoke. 

  Jiyong turned the wheel and merged with West 53rd Street. “You surprisingly have different sides than the CEO demeanor I met at Starbucks,” Jiyong said with a slight smile. 

  Seunghyun watched him with a smile, waiting for him to go on. 

  “You’re pretty nerdy, you’re an art fanatic which is great; it’s cute to see you talk to passionately about it. You joke a lot but all at the same time, you’re intense and you’re pretty,” Jiyong paused and Seunghyun raised an eyebrow. “Hot.”

  Seunghyun grinned widely. “I know I’m handsome,” He said, proudly, taking in a inhale of his cig. 

  “Oh shut up,” Jiyong said, with a lift of a smile on his lips. 

  They eased into a comfortable silence as Seunghyun smoked, staring outside as they drove through Park Avenue. Seunghyun kept glancing at Jiyong for small milliseconds, happy to be sitting in his car and just being with him. He didn’t know how, but they’ve grown close and it made Seunghyun want to stay with Jiyong the whole day. 

  Jiyong parked into an empty spot. Seunghyun watched with amazement how smoothly Jiyong executed parallel parking into such a small space but the younger man had. He was staring at the way Jiyong was biting his lips as he stared behind to check his surroundings. 

  The car died and Seunghyun followed Jiyong out of the car. “You drive well,” He said and Jiyong laughed, locking the car and stuffing the keys into his pocket. 

  “Practice,” He said modestly as they walked side by side towards the restaurant. 

  Seunghyun threw his burnt out cig into the passing trash can. “A true racer,” He commented and Jiyong laughed. 

  “The first time I drove alone, I almost crashed into a tree,” Jiyong said and Seunghyun couldn’t help but chuckle, imagining a much younger Jiyong almost crash into a tree. And then suddenly, he sees the Jiyong he met dancing in a dimly lit club with flying lasers, hips swinging. 

  “You were pretty sexy,” Seunghyun said unconsciously until he saw Jiyong stare at him. He stared back at him before realizing what he said.  _ Lords, help me.  _ Seunghyun thought, opening his mouth to make an excuse. “No, so, shit, what I meant was when I first met you. I just thought you were sexy.”

  Jiyong’s expression was almost screaming “He said what now?” before his face reddened noticeably before he burrowed his face into his arms. “Oh my god,” His voice was muffled. 

  Seunghyun felt his cheeks heat up as they awkwardly stood outside the restaurant. Jiyong was the first to recover and he went inside, Seunghun following. 

  “ _ Irrashaimasei! _ ” A waiter greeted when they came inside. “Two?” He asked. 

  Seunghyun stood in front of Jiyong, taking over. “Can we get a private room?” He asked and the waiter nodded before gesturing politely to follow. Behind Jiyong was curiously looking around. The restaurant hadn’t changed last time Seunghyun came here. They entered a hallway with paper sliding doors left and right. The waiter opened a set and they were greeted with a very traditional styled Japanese room with a tatami mat covering the floor and a traditional entryway where shoes were placed before standing on the tatami. 

  “I’ll bring your menus soon,” The waiter said, letting them inside and then disappeared down the hall. 

  Jiyong went inside first before sitting down on the low chair in front of a rich red lacquer long table. Seunghyun did the same. “Have you been here before?” Seunghyun asked. 

  “No,” Jiyong said, smiling. “Is this place good?”

 “The best,” Seunghyun assured and the waiter came back with menus and a tray of tea. “I’d like to order now,” He said and the waiter smiled, taking out a pad. “For starters, we’ll get a Negi Toro and Sunomomo. For lunch,” Seunghyun quickly scanned the menu. “We’ll have an Omakase Course.”

  “Sure,” The waiter took his notes before leaving, closing the doors, leaving them in private. 

  Seungyun felt a surge of pride as Jiyong nodded slowly, looking impressed. “So cool,” Jiyong gushed and Seunghyun chuckled, looking down his lap. 

  There was a small silence of awkwardness in the air between them and Seunghyun was admittedly getting shyer with each passing moment. Then Jiyong took out his phone and leaned in, phone outstretched like he was taking a selfie. “Get in,” He said and Seunghyun leaned in near Jiyong’s face, as he stared at the camera. 

  In the phone screen, Jiyong was looking surprised, eyes wide, hand covering his mouth as Seunghyun stared intently into the camera. Jiyong took the picture, giggling as he tapped on his phone. 

  “Why the sudden selfie?” Seunghyun asked. 

  “To show off to Daesungie,” Jiyong said, slyly and Seunghyun smiled. 

  The younger man put down his phone and took off his jacket, wearing a thin black t-shirt. Seunghyun watched as his slid his arms out, the thin black fabric outlining his small shoulders and his slender arms and waist. Seunghyun swallowed thickly as he saw the outline of his protruding collarbones of the low dip of the shirt. It looked utterly sexy on him and Seunghyun couldn’t stop staring at his collarbones. 

    Jiyong’s pushed up his sleeves all the way to his elbows and pulled his shirt down as he clawed his hair in place. Seunghyun watched him and he caught Jiyong smiling bashfully. “What?” He said, looking embarrassed. “Why’re you suddenly so quiet?”

  “Because I think your collarbones are really sexy,” Seunghyun said before he could stop himself. Once it left his mouth, he wasn’t regretting it. Jiyong let out a choked laugh, hiding his face in his arms as Seunghyun grinned. 

  “Daesung and Youngbae say I’m too thin,” Jiyong said, exhaling a sigh to calm himself as he fanned his reddened cheeks. 

  Seunghyun bit his lip at the cute gesture.

  Later, after the hearty lunch, Seunghyun and Jiyong began to walk around in hopes to digest better. They walked in a comfortable silence and Jiyong seemed to be looking like he was going to say something so Seunghyun asked first. 

  “Have you ever thought of being a model before I asked you?” Seunghyun asked and Jiyong let out a small chuckle, surprised. 

  “I was just about to talk about that,” He said, a smile on his face. 

  Seunghyun only smiled like he knew everything. 

  Jiyong sighed and he stared at his shoes. “Well, yeah,” He admitted. “I often got mistaken as a model and I even considered it; being a model,” Jiyong kicked a small stone as they walked. “But I didn’t because I thought I was anorexic.

  “My ribs were showing and you could see my chest bones...my collarbones practically popped out my from shoulders; I was scrawny,” Jiyong continued. “So I just gave up. But I felt pretty self-conscious about it and ate a lot. I fought more to get the muscles. And,” Jiyong gestured to his body. “This is what I got and this is how I stayed.”

  “You know you could’ve just worked out?” Seunghyun asked. 

  Jiyong shook his head, smiling. “I hate exercising,” He said. “Youngbae and Daesung would always try to get me into their gym sessions but nah.”

  Seunghyun nodded, totally understanding. Believe it or not, Seunghyun was the opposite. He was pretty chubby and fat as a kid. But after he met this one kid whose smile was toothy and expression light, Seunghyun decided to approach him...looking better. He lost 57 pounds and was left to not be able to see the boy again. He had moved to a different high school. But in hopes to meet him again, Seunghyun remembered hitting the gym almost every day. Before he knew it, it became a daily routine and he went almost every other night. He still did, two times a week now. 

  “But in this case,” Jiyong said, looking almost apologetic. “You’re casting me for my looks right?”

  “I suppose so,” Seunghyun said slowly. “But, I’m sure your body is a passing grade. I mean, you’re rather slender for a man…,” Seunghyun cleared his throat, feeling his neck heat up. 

  Jiyong laughed behind his hand. “I know what you’re trying to say,” He said. “When I was a little kid, I’d always steal my sister’s clothes to wear them myself. I’d get into so much trouble,” He let out a fond laugh. 

  Seunghyun tried to imagine that. It would’ve been a cute sight to see. “I also have an older sister,” He said. “But she’s married.”

  Jiyong slowly nodded. “My sister’s still single but my mom wants her to get married,” He laughed. “My dad still wants her to be single.”

  Seunghyun chuckled. “My mom wants me to get married to but there isn’t anyone yet for me,” Seunghyun said and he stared at Jiyong who stared back. “Because there’s someone I like right now.”

  Jiyong bit his lip and looked away. Seunghyun hummed as he saw Jiyong’s neck turn red. 

 

_ He knows how to throw his cards down.  _ Jiyong thought. Seunghyun seemed so smug that it made Jiyong embarrassed.  _ I won’t be able to resist anymore.  _

  “Thank you for lunch,” Jiyong said, as they came in front of his car. “It was a really good course.”

  “I’m glad you liked it,” Seunghyun answered before a sleek black car pulled up. Jiyong felt a pang of disappointment that Seunghyun was going. 

    Jiyong exhaled and smiled, giving him a five hand salute. “I’ll get going now. I’ll think about it and give you a call,” He said and Seunghyun nodded. Jiyong nodded too and unlocked his car, climbing inside. He watched Seunghyun watch him go as Jiyong went back home. His phone rang and Jiyong put it on speaker. He smiled slyly. “Daesungie,” He said the first thing the younger man did was laugh. “I know everything,” Jiyong said, stopping in front of the red light, pushing up his sunglasses as he waited. “I know everything now."

  “Ah, I don’t have anything to say to you,” Daesung said, sounding apologetic. “I’m really sorry, hyung.”

  “Don’t be,” Jiyong said lightly, driving forward again. “I’m not angry but I just feel you should’ve told me.”

  “I know,” Daesung said. “I know,” He wasn’t offering any kind of excuse and it honestly made Jiyong a little better. He felt if Daesung did, then he would be a little annoyed. Even if it would die soon because he could never stay annoyed or angry at Daesung for long. 

  “How do we look?” Jiyong said, changing the subject. “Are you jealous?”

  “You two look…,” Daesung took in a hissing breath of thought. Jiyong laughed; he must be trying to think of choosing wise words. “Well, great?”

  “He’s charming?” Jiyong said and Daesung laughed. 

  “Have you seen his bingu side yet?” Daesung asked, his husky laughter filling the car. “But, well, he’s charming too.”

  “Bingu?” Jiyong thought of the Korean word for stupid. “Why, is he like a five-year-old?”

  “Yeah, yeah! It’s so embarrassing!” Daesung half screeched. “He’s not here so I can talk all I want--unless he’s beside you?” He gasped and Jiyong laughed out loud. 

  “No, we just parted ways,” Jiyong assured and Daesung let out a nervous laugh. 

  “Good because during meetings, he suddenly just gets up and starts dancing out of nowhere because the silence is, I think, awkward for him? And it’s just so bad because he can’t dance well and it’s in front of very important people and I just can’t,” Daesung really sounded distressed. “Seriously, it’s so bad.”

  Jiyong laughed as he tried to imagine it. It actually wasn’t hard to imagine after he saw Seunghyun talking so passionately about his favorite artists at MoMA. “It sounds bad,” Jiyong agreed and Daesung sighed deeply. 

  “Ah, seriously, it is,” Daesung said and Jiyong smiled. 

  “It seems you’re doing better than before, though,” Jiyong said. “After what happened.”

  “Yeah, I guess,” Daesung said, chuckling weakly. “This job keeps me busy and it helped me forget about all the feelings I had.”

  “It’s a good thing,” Jiyong said sincerely as he made a left turn. 

  “Yeah,” Daesung said. “I assume you’ve been doing well too?”

  “More or less. Like you, I’m pretty busy in the workshop,” Jiyong said but his mind wandered to the offer Seunghyun gave. “What do you think?” He asked and Daesung grunted in question. 

“Me being a model and signed through the agency.”

  “Ah,” Daesung said in realization. “Well, I personally, it’s all your choice, I think you should do it.

  Jiyong listened as Daesung went out, biting his nails, the other hand on the wheels as he drove home. “You know, appearance wise you’re very model-like and I think even without inspection, you’ll be a hit. And you know so much about fashion; you dress so well. I mean that article on you is true; it’s a shame you’re a designer, not a model up there.”

  “But,” Jiyong said after Daesung was done. “I don’t want to be walking down that catwalk all my life. If I’m going to be a model, I want to have my own freedom of what brand I’ll represent,” Jiyong sighed. “I’m just scared that I’ll be tainting J.Estina’s new campaign, not become a new representative in it’s debut in New York.”

  “It’s a lose or win situation, hyung. There’s a way to prevent that too. Before you actually start the shooting, models or the manager can send a portfolio of some of your best shots to send them and they can decide if you’re good or not,” Daesung explained. “And like Seunghyun said, you’re going to be an exceptional case.”

  “What does that mean?” Jiyong asked. 

  “It means you get to choose your model path, not your manager, not the team, no one can stop you. You choose what brands you can accept, what to decline, and what shows to decline or accept. But I’m sure you’ll still be walking the catwalk a couple times,” Daesung explained. “Seriously, hyung, you’re overthinking it. Trust me and Seunghyun. We got it all spread out and planned. Otherwise, Seunghyun wouldn’t just ask you.”

_ Is that it?  _ Jiyong wondered.  _ Is it because I can’t trust yet and I’m just overthinking it?  _

  “And how popular do you think I’ll be?” Jiyong asked. 

  “You’ll be amazing,” Daesung answered genuinely. “If not, I’ll do the best in my position to make you.”

  Jiyong chewed on his lower lip, abandoning his nails.  _ I want to consider it.  _

 

  Jiyong watched as model Swastika walked along the printed circle path around the catwalk as people watched her go. The Russian model was wearing his white and black striped ribbed cardigan that took almost three sleepless days and nights to make. Jiyong was rather satisfied but he wasn’t sure if it was presentable. The cardigan had a plunging v-neck with gathered cuffs and had loose fastening. It was supposed to be worn loose so that it could be worn alone or on top of something. 

  Jiyong had Swastika wear it alone so that her chest and collarbones were exposed to show the cardigan’s focus point of being worn alone. She was tall and so it looked well with her loose bun and stunning gray eyes and pale skin. Jiyong was satisfied with how it looked on her and the audience’s nods and smiles as she walked. 

  “It looks we can present that into our Winter/Spring collection,” Tristan said beside Jiyong at the backstage where they had the view of the whole catwalk. “Good work, Jiyong.”

  “I personally liked your blue knit sweater,” Jiyong said as a model came out, wearing the said clothing. “It’s something I’d wear.”

  “Don’t be foolish. You can wear something better than that flimsy thing. I don’t like it but the others said they liked the color and fabric. Look at it now,” Tristan clicked his tongue while shaking his head. 

  Hours later, Jiyong was taking a smoke outside the dark streets at the back of the Stadium where the Show was held. He leaned against the wall, shivering as he took inhales and exhales. He couldn’t stop thinking about Seunghyun and even stupidly thought if he’d see Seunghyun today at the Show. Youngbae came, waving his arm in greeting when they saw each other. Jiyong sat next to the chair where someone else’s name card was but he was proud to see Youngbae’s name card. He made his friend a VIP guest meaning he could stay for the afterparty and talk with other famous designers and models. 

  Jiyong was chatting with a few models with Youngbae when he excused himself to go out. Thing is, Jiyong felt left out despite gathering his own group. He felt aloof and emotional. So he came out for a drag. And he was thinking about Seunghyun working, Daesung running around. He was thinking about how Seungri was living the nightlife of clubbing and DJing. Jiyong was thinking of being a model. 

  “What’re you doing out here?” Youngbae asked, popping his head out the door from the crack as he grinned. “Smoking still? I thought you quit.”

  Jiyong smiled apologetically. “I can’t quit that easily.”

  “You said you were on e-cigs,” Youngbae accused and Jiyong hastily put away his cig. The slightly older man laughed. “Just kidding. Come on inside, it’s friggin’ cold.”

  Jiyong let himself get pushed inside before going down the stairs to the party. 

_ Fuck it. I’ll think it out later at home.  _

  Jiyong didn’t that night. 

  Instead, he let himself get dragged in a fight and arrived home at 5 am. 

  He called in sick. 

 

Jiyong hissed in pain when Youngbae dragged the cotton ball, soaked with disinfectant, against the large bloody scrape on Jiyong’s elbow. It stung like hell and Jiyong was regretting getting himself dragged and beat before he came back up, hitting them back with force that caused them all with broken arms and noses. 

  “I worry for you,” Youngbae sighed, wrapping Jiyong’s arm in gauze. “You seem fine when I see you and then I come visit you looking like a misfit.”

  “Is it bad, I’m a misfit?” Jiyong asked. 

  Youngbae secured the gauze with a small strip of tape. “Well, if you’re going to be a model, don’t you think your skin should be in better condition?”

  Jiyong stared at the paleness of his arms. There were small and big scars from the fights he’s been and Youngbae was right. If Jiyong was going to be a model, it was best for him to stop fighting. To stop having more and more wounds and create more scars. 

  Jiyong sighed as he let Youngbae tend more to his smaller scratches. 

  “I don’t even know if I’m going to be one or not,” Jiyong said, stretching out his legs. “I’m going to go ask my parents in New Jersey.”

   “When?” Youngbae asked as he finished up. 

  “Tomorrow morning,” Jiyong said. “I asked for a three-day leave.”

  Youngbae nodded. Then he hesitated. “You should bring Daesung with you,” He said. “He’s best at explaining.”

  “You’re right,” Jiyong said. “But he won’t come since he’s too busy.”

  “Just tell Seunghyun,” Youngbae said and Jiyong looked at him. “No, I don’t know him,” Youngbae assured. 

  “Yeah,” Jiyong said, feeling exhausted. And it was only 1 PM. “When are you going to teach?”

  “Around 3,” Youngbae replied and he stroked Ai’s back. “You should probably sleep, get your rest, y'know?”

  Jiyong nodded as Youngbae slid the First Aid Kit below Jiyong’s bed where it usually was before he stood up. “I’m going to make your dinner so be sure to eat it,” He said, sauntering into the kitchen. 

  “Okay,” Jiyong answered, already curled in bed, head on the pillow as he watched Youngbae busy himself in the kitchen. Ai was grooming herself on the window, occasionally looking outside at whatever caught her her eyes. 

  Jiyong found himself falling asleep as Youngbae’s figure became a blur. The last thing he heard was something sizzling. 

  “You want to borrow Daesung for two days?” Seunghyun asked. He was talking with Jiyong on the phone after he just got home. 

  “Yeah,” Jiyong answered, his voice scratchy like he cried. Seunghyun decided not to ask. “I’m going to my parent’s house.”

  “Ah,” Seunghyun said. “You’re going to make him explain?”

  “Yeah,” Jiyong said simply. 

  “Sure,” Seunghyun said. “I guess your parents know him?”

  “More or less,” Jiyong said. “I can’t have Daesung know since he’s loyal to working so can you bring him out at 11 AM in front of your building tomorrow?”

  “Alright, is that it?” Seunghyun asked. 

  “That’s it,” Jiyong confirmed. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

  Seunghyun felt the anticipation of seeing Jiyong tomorrow and bid his goodbye before hanging up. He loosened his tie and unbuttoned his dress shirt, taking his bag to his bedroom. He set on his desk chair, throwing his clothes on the bed before going to shower. He came out half an hour later, flipping through his emails. 

  He went to his kitchen, pouring himself a glass of wine and leisurely sitting at his armchairs before the window, presenting a view of New Times  Square. Feeling bored, Seunghyun took his phone and looked into his photo gallery. 

  He had taken pictures of Jiyong more than his favorite artwork and he couldn’t help but marvel how Jiyong looked. Jiyong with a thoughtful look, Jiyong with his back turned and looking at the side, Jiyong’s face lit from one of the artwork’s neon lights sign, Jiyong holding onto the map, his palm and fingers hidden from his sleeve. To others, it seemed weird, but to Seunghyun, it felt almost unreal. And Seunghyun was going to give these to Jiyong anyway. The younger man could practically see through him. 

  Seunghyun sighed and stared outside. 

  Jiyong had a dream. It had been a rather trippy...and frightening dream for Jiyong. And it felt real. 

  He found himself walking along an empty street somewhere in New York at night, streetlamps eerily lighting his way but casting black shadows. Then suddenly, everything brightened and there were people walking, talking, chatting like a normal busy day. But Jiyong felt solid emptiness as the people walked right through him. Shocked, Jiyong just stood still before turning and watching himself get walked through. Like he wasn’t here. 

  But a thought hit him.  _ It’s a dream.  _

  And suddenly he’s thrust into an empty gray room and he’s gasping, feeling sweat drip down his neck as the walls began to cave in, almost bending, as Jiyong closed his eyes, darkness swallowing him up. He was holding his head, sobbing, knees bent as he began to wail. 

  He couldn’t breathe all of a sudden, and he’s gasping, feeling cold water swallow him. The water was dark and so cold. Wave after wave, Jiyong was trying to go up for air but the water was choking him, making him sink

  The dream ended when Jiyong gasped, instantly sitting up as his chest heaved with every pant. Ai instantly roused from her sleep, looking at him with warm eyes as she watched Jiyong lean against the wall, calming his beating heart. 

  Jiyong wasn’t sure why, but he began to curl up and cry. He felt like he was losing his mind, being swallowed into an endless haze that seemed to be haunting him. A haze that there was the only darkness of the streets out there. That no one cared about him. 

  He felt Ai nose her way into his arms, purring and Jiyong began to just hiccup as he brought her closer. Her purring made him able to think clearly and he was now just gasping for air, cheeks aflame. He held her close, her head brushing against his cheek as Jiyong wiped away his tears. “Thank you, Ai,” He whispered, kissing her head. “I’m okay.”

  Ai licked his nose and Jiyong smiled. He checked his clock and took in a deep inhale and exhale before getting up to get ready. He didn’t bring much as he was going home and there were clothes he could wear off of. He went for a simple outfit to present in front of his parents; he wore a black and white PRAGMATIC knowledge turtleneck long sleeve with Levi’s light blue washed denim jacket. He pulled on navy blue jeans and black Dr.Martens shoes, taking them from his closet. He pulled his sleeves out from the jacket’s sleeves so that they covered his hand. 

  “C’mere,” Jiyong pat the portable pet bag. Ai flicked her tail uneasy before slowly going inside and meowing in discomfort as Jiyong closed the flap and wore the strap on his shoulder, opening a smaller flap on the large bag for Ai to stick out her head. He checked the clock, mindful of the time before grabbing his keys, his pack of cigs, and his wallet. He already packed Ai’s necessities. 

  The morning was cold as Jiyong went out after coming down the stairs to his car as he opened it and set the bag on the passenger seat where Ai curled comfortably, head sticking out and staring out the window as Jiyong started the car. 

  He drove toward Seunghyun’s company, biting his nails, feeling uneasy for a reason. The dream was really bugging him. Jiyong never dreamed of anything so vivid. It was making Jiyong nervous. 

  Twenty or so minutes later, Jiyong saw Seunghyun and Daesung holding a bag, looking confused as Jiyong decided to forget about it, parking right in front of them on the curb. He turned off the engine and opened the door, seeing the surprised look on Daesung’s face. “Huh, hyung, what are you doing here?” Daesung asked. 

  “To pick you up,” Jiyong said, laughing as Daesung gaped. “Thanks,” He said to Seunghyun who was smiling. “You’re coming with me to my parent’s house.”

  “Me? To your parent’s house?” Daesung only looked confused as he opened the door to the passenger seat only to see Ai mewing. “Am I staying there for long?”

  “Just two days and one night,” Jiyong replied, taking Ai to the back and Daesung’s bag into the trunk. “I’ll explain more on the way.”

  “Then the waiting for the driver was a lie? Was the meeting a lie too?” Daesung asked Seunghyun, a small disbelieved smile on his face. 

  “I do have a meeting but I can take care of that,” Seunghyun assured. Then after Daesung gave him a doubtful look, Seunghyun looked a little uneasy. “Maybe not, but I have someone to help me. Just go with Jiyong, take a break.”

  Daesung sighed as Jiyong helped him sit inside. Daesung closed the door, grumbling to himself. Jiyong nodded to Seunghyun who held up his hand in goodbye. Then Jiyong climbed inside and they drove off. 

  “What’s going on?” Daesung asked. “Why am I going to your parent’s house?”

  “I want to ask my parents about this first,” Jiyong said. “And I kinda want you to explain.”

  Daesung opened his mouth in realization. “Won’t your parents go against it?” He asked a moment later. 

  “That’s why I’m going to them. For advice and permission but I want you to tell them the situation,” Jiyong said, biting his nails. “I’m honestly going to go what they say.”

  Daesung nodded and Jiyong could see the unease in his expression as he stared ahead. 

  They were driving on the freeway now, hitting towards Watchung, New Jersey. Jiyong continued to bite his nails, his dream replaying in his head as he thought about how his parents would react. They didn’t even know he was coming to visit. 

  “It must be nice to see your parents every holiday,” Daesung said, his voice low with envy. “My parents are in Korea.”

  “Why don’t you just grab the cheapest tickets and visit them?” Jiyong asked. 

  Daesung shrugged. “I’m ashamed to see them like this.”

  Jiyong nodded, deciding to not pry any further. 


	6. So Good

   When they came halfway through, Jiyong and Daesung stopped at the rest stop, switching seats before starting again on the road. There was about 30 minutes left until they arrived but Jiyong wanted to take a quick nap as Daesung drove. He also let Ai sleep in the back with her blanket under her as she slept. 

  Instead of a quick, dreamless nap, Jiyong found himself half-asleep, opening his eyes a little, staring outside before sleeping back again and waking up again. Then Daesung began to hum. His voice soothed Jiyong and finally, he could sleep. 

  “Hyung, we’re here,” Daesung said, his voice waking Jiyong up. 

  Jiyong squinted, taking off his sunglasses and found himself in the gritty driveway of The family house. Jiyong’s ached, realizing how much he missed his parents and the homey smell. Either Jiyong’s look on his face gave it away or Daesung was actually psychic, the younger man smiled. “Happy to be home?” He asked and Jiyong couldn’t help but smile. 

  “Yeah,” Jiyong said and steadying himself, he opened the door. “C’mon,” He climbed out and Daesung did the same. Ai meowed as Jiyong opened the door to the back. She went back into the bag as Jiyong folded the blanket, stuffing it inside the bag as Daesung carried his own and Jiyong’s. Locking his car, the two approached the wooden doors. 

  Jiyong knocked and moments later, a woman appeared, her face lined with age, eyes still sparkling brown. Jiyong smiled as his mother finally realized who it was. Her eyes began to tear up. “Oh, aigoo, Jiyong-ah!” She crushed him into a hug and Jiyong felt his own eyes grow hot as he hugged her back. “Hey, you guys, Jiyong is here!” She hollered loudly and behind, Daesung laughed.  Jiyong’s mother hadn’t changed at all. 

  “Omo, Daesungie is here too? Come here,” She took him into a hug too and Daesung bowed his head into her shoulder. Jiyong put down the bag that carried Ai and let her out.

  “Jiyong!?” Dami exclaimed and Jiyong saw his older sister come into the entrance way. Like always, her hair was tied back, a headband on her head as she made a face like she was going to cry. Jiyong let out a small sob, unable to hold it in as he hugged her back. “Hi, noona,” He heard his voice break. Over his older sister’s shoulder, Jiyong saw his father and he moved away from his sister to hug his father. “I’m home, Dad,” He said and felt his father hug him. 

  “Welcome home, son,” His father said, smiling, as he pat Jiyong’s shoulder. “You look well.”

  “Oh, Dad, you don’t even know,” Jiyong said, cracking a smile as he wiped his tears. 

  Dami greeted Daesung, offering to take their bags upstairs to Jiyong’s old room. Jiyong heard Daesung greet her and his father with the traditional 90 degrees bow. Jiyong’s mother ushered them into the living room, telling them to place their bags in front of the stairs. Ai purred in Jiyong’s mom’s arms as she disappeared into the kitchen. Daesung followed Jiyong to their living room, where a fire was crackling in the fireplace. It was much warmer than outside. Jiyong sat on the couch, Daesung sitting comfortably on the ground, back against the couch by Jiyong’s legs. He was all smiles as Jiyong’s father began to grumble affectionately how he was handsome and fine young man.

  “Here,” Dami came with two mugs of steaming coffee. “You guys came rather unexpectedly.”

  “Yeah,” Jiyong said, smiling. “There’s something I wanted to discuss with all of you,” Jiyong shared a glance with Daesung who nodded encouragingly. “And I also missed you guys.”

  “At least your fashion is better,” Jiyong’s mom grumbled as she brought in a plate of cut fruits. There was one for Daesung; a plate of watermelons. Daesung smiled widely, thanking her and shoving one into his mouth. 

  Jiyong laughed out loud, remembering the last time they came over to visit. She had unfortunately seen Jiyong at his worst when he dressed in Rick Owens hip-hop pants and an old Thrasher shirt with a jacket over it. She called it “gruesome” fashion. “I’m a fashion designer, Mom!” Jiyong said and Dami laughed. 

  “No matter if you’re a fashion designer,” She said lightly, stroking Ai in her lap. “You have to dress properly like that.”

  “My fashion is so good,” Jiyong said with a pout. 

  “You still haven’t given my blouse from Dior yet,” Dami warned. 

  Jiyong rolled his eyes. “Noona, that was years ago.”

  “We can discuss what you wanted later,” Jiyong’s dad said, looking stoic as ever. “Make yourselves at home, and rest.”

  “We’ll do that, Dad,” Jiyong smiled. 

  “Your turtleneck is nice, where’d you get it?” Jiyong’s mother asked. 

  “Vetements,” Jiyong replied. 

  Daesung was just quietly eating, shoving the cute watermelon cubes into his mouth every chew. He looked content as ever. “How’ve you been?” He asked politely. 

  “Oh, same as always,” Dami said, sewing together a pouch. “Mom and Dad’s been at home while I work.”

  “It’s good everything’s fine,” Daesung said, genuinely. 

  “How’s your sister and parents?” Jiyong’s mom asked. “I know it’s been years since you last saw them.”

  “Noona is doing well at the army and she’s going to get married soon. Mom and Dad are,” He looked thoughtful. “Doing well as usual.”

  “It’d be great to see each other,” Jiyong’s dad said. 

  Daesung chuckled, looking down at his lap. 

  “We should probably rest a little,” Jiyong said, intervening smoothly. 

  “Of course,” Jiyong’s mother stood up as Ai reached over to Jiyong, her paws outstretching to be held. Jiyong held her in his arm as Daesung shoved the last watermelon cubes into his mouth, following. “The room may be a little dusty, but just open the window and let some clean air come in,” She said as she went up the stairs. 

  Daesung carried both his and Jiyong’s bags as they entered the hallway and into Jiyong’s room. His desk was still unclean, papers and sketches lying around, pencils and brushes and paint everywhere. His bed, king sized, still looked comfortable and puffy as Jiyong remembered. He’d missed this room. 

  “I haven’t been in here for so long,” Daesung said, shaking his head and putting down their bags. 

  “I’m sorry we don’t have anymore rooms,” Jiyong’s mom looked concerned. “But you two don’t mind sleeping together right?”   
  “We don’t,” Jiyong and Daesung said in unison. 

  She smiled. “All is good then. Your clothes are still in the closet, Jiyong-ah,” She said before closing the door. 

  Daesung opened the windows, letting the clean air drift in. It smelled of rain and leaves. “Hasn’t really changed, has it?” He said, chuckling. 

  “No,” Jiyong said fondly, looking over his album collection he so treasured. His CD player and his MP3 player was left right where he’d left it, dusty and unused. 

  Jiyong pulled out the blanket, laying it beside the bed, beside the nightable. He set up her food and water bowl, filling them both up so she could have her brunch. He noticed something laid face down on his nightable and as Daesung went inside the bathroom, he took it and flipped it around, not surprised by its content. 

  It was Soohyuk and Jiyong alongside some mutual friends. It was a polaroid picture, eyes shining, background slightly tinted. Soohyuk was smiling, arm around Jiyong’s small shoulders. Jiyong sighed and opened the drawer, finding more pictures. They were all old pictures, taken either with Seungri and Youngbae and Daesung, or with Soohyuk, or just some friends. There were solo photos of himself and Jiyong decided to look at them later, placing the photo inside before closing it. 

  “Have you talked to him recently?” Daesung asked, sitting on the bed. 

  “No,” Jiyong answered, sprawling out on the bed, his head on Daesung’s lap as the younger stared at the wall. “I don’t want to see him,” Jiyong said, putting an arm over his eyes. 

 

  “Don’t tell Jiyong this, but Soohyuk actually visited us.”

  Daesung glanced at Dami who was sealing and pinching the dough to trap the filling of the dumpling. “Did he?” Daesung asked, taking the dumpling and setting it in the plate with the others. 

  Dami nodded. “He came a few months ago suddenly, asking if Jiyong had visited,” She continued. “Mom and Dad were pretty flustered and we kinda knew what was going on,” She said. “Here, you make some too.”

  Daesung took the circle of dough, using the spoon to put on a reasonable amount of filling. “And then what happened?” Daesung asked. 

  Dami shrugged. “He left without coming in,” She said. “They broke up didn’t they?” 

  “It’s been two years,” Daesung said, sighing. “He suddenly came back asking Jiyong to have a second chance after leaving him.”

  “Crazy asshole,” Dami said quietly, setting three on the plate. 

  Daesung let out a small chuckle. “You’re so scary when you curse, noona,” He said lightheartedly. 

  “I’m Jiyong’s older sister,” Dami said proudly. “I gotta be scary.”

  Daesung laughed. In attempt to lighten the mood, Daesung held up his first successful dumpling, grinning widely. Dami laughed and squealed. “Wait, wait, this is worth a picture to remember,” She pulled out her phone and Daesung was still as she took the picture. 

  “You always took the weirdest pictures,” Jiyong suddenly came out, wearing a loose knit sweater whose sleeves covered his hands as we walked around wearing shorts. Ai was around his ankles, meowing. 

  “And you should stop stealing my shorts,” Dami said, already composed from the shock. “Did you hear?” She asked, making the dumplings. 

  “Yeah,” Jiyong said and there was silence between the two siblings. Daesung just hung his head, making the dumplings. He best not get involved. “It’s fine, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear it,” Jiyong said after a while. 

  “Forget about him,” Dami said, not looking at him as he took something out from the fridge. It was a can of beer. “Put that back,” She said and Jiyong did. “We’re going to eat dinner soon.”

  Daesung couldn’t help but let out a snort. Jiyong never really listened to anyone if he didn’t want to so seeing this side of him was almost endearing to see. 

  “There’s someone I like,” Jiyong said, sitting beside Daesung and Daesung could imagine who. Daesung noticed Ai curl up beside the chair. He suddenly felt happy for Seunghyun. “I think.”

  “You should move on,” Dami nodded. Then she leaned in, grinning. “Who is it? Is he handsome? Tall? Rich?”

  Jiyong cracked a shy grin. “Yes,” He said and Daesung shot him a knowing grin. Jiyong grinned back. 

  “Who is it? Daesung, you know?” Dami asked, starting to get impatient as she smiled. “Tell me!”

  “Did you cook the dumplings yet?” Jiyong’s mother came inside. 

  “No,” Dami said, getting to work. 

  “Too busy gossiping?” Jiyong’s mother clicked her tongue with a small smile. “That sort of thing hasn’t changed between you two has it?”

  “Daesung was gossiping too!” Jiyong said and Daesung laughed in disbelief. 

  “You’re dragging me into this?” Daesung said and Jiyong only shot him a gummy smile.

 

  “So, Jiyong,” Jiyong’s father asked at the dinner table. “What is it you wanted to talk to us about? I’m sure it has to be something important for you to come all the way here.”

  Jiyong finished chewing the dumpling before swallowing. Finally. Jiyong clenched his fists under the table, hesitating for a moment before taking in an anxious deep breath. “It’s about my career,” Jiyong said, causing all of his family members to pause and looking up at him. “Daesung’s here because he knows more about than I do,” Jiyong looked a Daesung who nodded, offering an assured smile. 

  “Are you unsatisfied with what you’re doing?” Dami asked, worriedly. 

  “No, not really,” Jiyong said. “I was just...asked to be a model.”

  Everyone stilled and stared at Jiyong. Daesung looked nervous as well, his face serious and grave now. “From the CEO of CS Entertainment.”

  Dami suddenly got into a coughing fit, standing up to get water as Jiyong’s mother only nodded slowly, trying to take in the information calmly and Jiyong’s father just squinted. “And what does Daesung have to explain?” He asked. 

  “It’s about his rights for signing abruptly into the agency,” Daesung said and all eyes were on him now. “I’m the Secretary for the CEO,” He said. “So I know the CEO and his intentions.”

  “Is this about Jiyong being mistaken for a model and there were rumors of him being J.Estina’s new campaign model?” Dami asked, sitting down. 

  “Oh,” Jiyong’s mom cupped her mouth, looking surprised. 

  Jiyong’s father only grunted. 

  “It is,” Daesung said. “One of the managers in charge of J.Estina’s new campaign saw Jiyongie-hyung on the streets and actually discreetly taken a picture,” Daesung said, his face serious. “He brought it to Seunghyun, the CEO, and demanded a model like him. There were complications about it since signing a model takes a lot of time, but we got through...making Jiyongie-hyung an exceptional case.”

  “Isn’t taking a picture without someone’s consent illegal?” Jiyong’s mom asked, worriedly. 

  “We have that covered too,” Daesung with a smile. 

  “What are his exceptions?” Jiyong’s father asked and Jiyong saw a crease in his brow. He may appeared grunt, but Jiyong knew his father was actually just worried for him. 

  “Well, his contract reads that Jiyongie-hyung can choose to be openly advertised or advertised in his own choosings. This means he can choose which brands he wants to represent, which brands to decline. He has his own freedom unlike most of the models in our agency,” Daesung explained. “Jiyongie-hyung can also withdraw his contract anytime in exchange for modeling for J.Estina.”

  Jiyong scanned the looks on his parents. Dami looked surprised but more thoughtful while his parents looked worried. “So, what is it you want to do?” Jiyong’s father asked and Jiyong shrugged. 

  Jiyong put his elbows on the table, pushing his plate away. “That’s why I’m here,” Jiyong said. “I want to know what you guys think of it.”

  “Do it,” Dami said, popping a piece of dumping into her mouth. “You’ve always wanted to be one, anyway,” She said, calm.

  Jiyong fidgeted, acknowledging that with a nervous nod as he looked to his parents. Jiyong’s mother smiled a little. “Your older sister’s right, Jiyong-ah,” She said, gently. “You’ve always wanted to be one. So give it a try. You’re a beautiful, handsome young man and to waste such good looks being a designer instead of being a model is a little aggravating,” She said. “And if you don’t like it,” She paused. “Then you can always come home.”

  Feeling touched, Jiyong felt his eyes burn. He smiled weakly and looked to his father. “You too?” He asked and his father nodded, smiling too. “Thank you,” Jiyong said, feeling his face burn with coming tears. 

  Jiyong felt a hand on his shoulder and saw Daesung nodding, his face bright. “Now it’s up to you,” He said, quietly. 

  Jiyong nodded and wiped his eyes. “Yeah,” He said, quietly. “Yeah.”

 

  As Daesung slept on the left side of the bed, actually wearing clothes as he slept, Jiyong propped his back up against the foot of the bed, pulling out all the pictures shoved into the drawer of his nightstand. He clicked on the lamp and quietly, slowly went through each picture. Each picture brought memories, good and bad, bittersweet memories, that Jiyong had forgotten over time. 

_      He came a few months ago suddenly, asking if Jiyong had visited. Mom and Dad were pretty flustered and we kinda knew what was going on.  _ Jiyong recalled what Dami said earlier.  _ They broke up, didn’t they? _

__ Jiyong sighed and made a separate pile to keep and to burn. Most of them had been with Soohyuk or with mutual friends. He didn’t feel any sense of sadness or any of the pain he had harbored for two years. It had dulled. After meeting Seunghyun. 

  “Hyung, you should sleep,” Daesung’s sleep-ridden voice pulled Jiyong from his thoughts and he felt fingers knot in his hair. He turned his head to see Daesung’s head and his arm sticking out from the bed above. “Didn’t you say you wanted to go to Princeton?” 

  “Yeah,” Jiyong said and stared at the last picture. It was large group picture with Daesung, Youngbae and Seungri and Soohyuk. There was even Seunghyun, now that Jiyong noticed, standing all together with large smiles. Jiyong had been 23. He decided to keep it. 

  There was a rustle of bedsheets, and Jiyong couldn’t feel Daesung’s fingers in his hair. Strangely Jiyong felt like it was Soohyuk’s last touch. 

 

  It was 6 AM when Jiyong woke up. He was snuggled against Daesung’s back into the warmth inside the covers. Jiyong sighed and turned away, eyes sticky with sleep as he blinked. Then he saw the pile of pictured to burn and that motivated him to get out of bed. He’d never get the chance if he didn’t burn them now. Feeling goosebumps trail over his legs and arms, Jiyong pulled on a thick Canada Goose fur lined hoodie. He quietly went out, the house deserted. There was the early morning light streaming in as Jiyong went down the stairs. He grabbed his father’s lighter on the edge of the table and went outside in front of the garage. 

  He ignited the lighter with the flick of his thumb, taking one and letting it burn. He let the ashes fall onto the gravel, one by one, shivering in the chilly morning air. 

  “What are you doing?”

  Jiyong turned to see his older sister, Dami, squatting beside him. “Pictures?” She picked one up. “Oh,” She said. 

  “Yeah,” Jiyong took the photos and threw them into the ground, letting them burn along the others. There was nothing but pale ash now, the last of it gone. 

  “Is the new guy you like a better person?” Dami asked. 

  Jiyong nodded into his knees, staring at the pile of ashes. “I think so.”

  “Good,” Dami’s hand stroked Jiyong’s hair, pushing away the strands form his eyes. “You deserve someone better.”

  Jiyong nodded, numb with the coldness. “Let’s go in,” He finally cracked a grin and Dami nodded, smiling. “It’s so cold,” He complained, going inside the heat of his home. “You want to come with me and Daesung to Princeton?” He asked Dami as the door closed, the ashes flying in the wind. 

  “You guys should stay a little longer,” Jiyong’s mother looked worried as she held onto Jiyong’s hand. 

  “Daesung has to go work,” Jiyong said with a smile. He didn’t want to leave either. “We’ll come visit again.”

  “We will,” Daesung promised with a large smile. “Thank you for letting me stay overnight.”

  Jiyong’s mother nodded, looking relieved, as she held Daesung’s hand. “Your parents would be proud of you,” She said. “I’m sure of it.”

  Jiyong glanced at Daesung’s whose face softened as he hung his head, letting a small chuckle out. “Yeah,” His voice was soft and Jiyong squeezed Daesung’s shoulder. 

  “I’ll come visit often,” Jiyong said, feeling embarrassed. “I’ve been so busy.”

  “You better,” Dami said with an affectionate shove. 

  “I missed you all though,” Jiyong said and Jiyong’s mother began to cry. “Ah, Mom, don’t do that, don’t cry,” Jiyong hugged his mom as she hugged him back. His father quietly joined him, his hands on Jiyong’s shoulder and head. 

  “You missed me that much?” Jiyong asked, his voice breaking. 

  “Of course,” Jiyong’s father said. “You’re in our thoughts every moment.”

  Jiyong felt a sob catch in his throat. He’ll definitely visit them again. And he’ll call them if he couldn’t. He’d been so busy fighting over his thoughts and emotions, Jiyong didn’t even think a bit about his family. He should’ve just called. Instead, he left them so worried. 

  “Now,” Jiyong’s mother sniffed, pulling away. “Go now,” She smiled through her tears. “You have a life to embrace.”

  Jiyong nodded and he smiled at his father who had been crying too. He shared one last hug with his sister before turning. Daesung pulled their bags into the trunk as Jiyong made sure Ai was comfortable at the back. Then they both climbed inside, and left. 

 

  Leaving to Watchung, New Jersey seemed like yesterday over the past few days. Jiyong couldn’t find the right timing to submit his resignation to Tristan and before he knew it, it was the end of the week. He had Monday to tell Seunghyun his decision. But after some while of hesitating it seemed Jiyong didn’t need to bring it up first. 

  “So, is there something you need to give me?” Tristan asked lightly. “Not in a bad way, of course.”

  “You know?” Jiyong asked, pulling his head up to see Tristan. 

  He nodded. “I was just waiting when you’d hand it in.”

  Jiyong felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. “I’m sorry,” He said. 

  “Don’t be, Jiyong,” Tristan said. “You made a choice,” He added, gently. “And this choice is something that doesn’t come to many others.”

  Jiyong smiled a little, nodding, as he hung his head. “Yeah,” Jiyong took out the envelope from the inner pocket of his double-breasted jacket. 

  Tristan took it, looking at it thoughtfully. “We’re going to miss someone amazing like you,” Tristan said softly. “I always loved watching you make clothes.”

  Jiyong laughed a little. “Thank you for everything,” Jiyong said, looking around the office. 

  “Thanks for working with us,” Tristan held out his arms. “Give me a hug before you leave.”

  Jiyong hugged him and they shared a tight embrace. “You’re going to do great over there,” Tristan said softly. “You’re going to be great.”

  “Yeah,” Jiyong said, feeling contently warm. Nowadays, there were so many people encouraging him, everything seemed brighter now. 

  “Alright,” Tristan said, pulling away. “If you ever need anything, though,” Tristan said with a light punch. “Call me. I’m your friend.”

  Jiyong nodded, smiling. “I will, thanks,” He said. 

  Tristan chuckled and hit the doorway, turning to leave and Jiyong turned to walk down the stairs and outside to his car. He could see his breaths come out in small puffs and Jiyong unlocked his car, opening it and shivering in the cold. He started the engine of his car, pulling the joystick to drive mode and emerging into the road. He got a call from Seungri and Jiyong pushed in the Bluetooth inside his ear, picking up his call with the press of small button. 

  “What?” Jiyong said and he heard Seungri giggle. “Are you drunk?”

  “A little?” Seungri replied before going into a more crazed giggly laughter. “Hey, are you okay?” Jiyong asked, laughing.

  “Jiyong?” Youngbae’s voice intervened and there was more laughter in the background. “You should come!”

  “Where? Who?” Jiyong asked, stopping at red light. 

  “Seungri’s place, the usual us,” Youngbae said and then there was his laughter. “Seriously, you should come. This is so funny.”

  Jiyong laughed. “Okay, okay, you want me to bring anything?”

  “Soju!” Seungri called in the background. 

   “Ah, shut up, maknae!” Daesung’s voice said and Jiyong laughed out loud. 

  “You guys must be so drunk,” Jiyong said, laughing. “I’m definitely coming to see that.”

  “Hurry up and come!” Youngbae called. And then there was crinkling and Jiyong heard Youngbae yell before Seungri spoke. 

  “I have something to say to you, hyung,” Seungri said and Jiyong smiled in amusement, driving towards Seungri’s apartment. “I really like you.”

   Jiyong couldn’t help it. He laughed out loud. “Yeah, okay, me too, maknae,” Jiyong giggled. 

   “Hurry and come!” Daesung called before the call was over. 

  Jiyong smiled and turned his car to the left towards Seungri’s apartment. When Jiyong arrived, he only saw Youngbae and Daesung cleaning up the mess while Seungri was out cold on his couch, mouth open. Jiyong doubled over, laughing behind his hand. “Is it over?” He asked. 

  “For him,” Youngbae said with a grin. “Not for us.”

  “I’m drunk, hyung,” Daesung said rather cutely, smiling widely. 

  Jiyong laughed. “I haven’t seen this side of you in a long time,” He said and took off his shoes.

  Daesung began to giggle a little and Youngbae shoved Jiyong a glass of ale. “Here,” He said. “Drink away.” 

  Jiyong took it after he shrugged off his jacket, placing it over the arm of Seungri’s white leather L-shaped couch. He took a sip and immediately cringed at the sour taste. He hadn’t drunk ale in a long time. He sat on the stool to Seungri’s bar table with Daesung and Youngbae. “So, what happened all of sudden? Drinking on a Friday night, dead drunk,” Jiyong said with amusment. 

  “Originally, it was to celebrate you becoming a model but it turned out to be more of a slumber party,” Youngbae answered, drinking a bottle of beer. 

_ I wanted beer.  _ Jiyong thought, looking at his glass and Youngbae’s Blue Moon bottle. 

  “What, you wanted beer?” Youngbae asked, laughing. Daesung chuckled with him, looking sleepy now. 

  “Yeah, switch with me,” Jiyong said and they exchanged their drinks. “I’m not feeling for ale.”

  “I’ll be drunk though,” Youngbae shook his head, as if to clear his mind from the drinking. 

  “Just let it all out today!” Daesung yelled, crashing into Youngbae and causing the two of them to fall onto the ground. 

  Jiyong erupted into loud laughter at the sight as Youngbae and Daesung grappled each other. “Hey!” Jiyong said, worried for the neighbors. “Get up!” 

  “Wait, wait, I give up!” Daesung screeched. 

  Jiyong leaned over to the side to Youngbae straddling Daesung and holding him in a tight body lock. Jiyong laughed behind his hand, feeling his face flush from the laughter. 

  That night, Jiyong felt his worries wash away as he laughed with his friends. He was getting drunk with every glass and bottle he drank, not caring for the immense headache he’ll get in the morning. Before he knew it, he had fallen asleep on Seungri, closing his eyes, as Daesung and Youngbae yelled at each other. 

 

  “Here,” Daesung held out a glass of water and pills as Jiyong sat up against the couch, Seungri still asleep. “You okay?”

  Jiyong nodded, feeling groggy and sick. He swallowed the pill with gulpfuls of the cool water, leaning back, holding his throbbing head. “Can I have more of that cool water?”

  Daesung nodded, looking groggy himself, as he went back to the kitchen to get his glass of water. Youngbae was in the bathroom, body leaned over the toilet as he wretched and Jiyong thought yesterday night might’ve been the biggest and worse drinking party yet. 

  “Youngbae,” Jiyong called, worried for his friend. “You okay?”   
  There was moment of silence before Youngbae responded. “Yeah, more or less!”

  “Here you go,” Daesung said, holding two glasses of water. Jiyong took it and Daesung went into the hallway where the bathroom was. Jiyong greedily drank all of the water, feeling better about his hangover. 

  There was the sound of the toilet flushing as Daesung and Youngbae came out. Then Jiyong laughed at the pitiful sight. “We all look like hell,” He said fondly. 

  Daesung let out a weak chuckle and Youngbae nodded. “Is Seungri still out?” He asked, going over to the couch where Seungri slept with his back turned on all of them. “Oh, he is.”   
  “I remember he drank the most,” Daesung said, looking at the gathered beer and wine and ale bottles. 

  “He was so drunk,” Youngbae shook his head. “He was out even before you came.”

  Jiyong laughed at the thought of Seungri being drunk. “I should’ve come earlier to see that,” Jiyong said. 

  “You should’ve,” Daesung agreed. 

  “Well,” Youngbae rubbed his face. “I need to get home so I can get ready for the classes.”

  “Same here,” Daesung said. 

  “I’ll stay for a little bit,” Jiyong looked around. “Throw out those bottles and all.”

  “Sure,” Daesung said and he and Youngbae shared a nod as they dressed into their jackets, pulling on their shoes. “Bye, hyung!” Daesung called and Youngbae waved before the door closed behind them. 

  Jiyong sighed and got up after his throbbing subsided. He went to the kitchen to gather all the bottles in a cardboard box, sweeping the table and counter clean with a rag and sweeping the floor. There was a rustle and then a groan and Jiyong peeked over the corner, watching Seungri slowly wake up, face distorted into a grimace. “Oh god, my head,” Seungri said, his voice cracking. 

  “‘Morning,” Jiyong brought over the pills and water like Daesung did.

  “Where’s everyone else?” Seungri asked, downing the pills. 

  “Left,” Jiyong said, taking the empty glass. “I’m going too. I’m going to go home and clean up a little.”

  Seungri laid back down, sighing. “I can’t even remember what happened yesterday,” He said. 

  “You were very drunk,” Jiyong replied. 

  Seungri sighed. “Thanks for staying until I woke up.”

  “No problem, maknae,” Jiyong ruffled his hair playfully. “Rest well,” He said, pulling on his jacket. “Take it easy today.”

  “Yup,” Seungri replied and Jiyong slipped on his shoes, opening the door. “Bye, hyung.”

  “Bye,” Jiyong said and he closed the door. 

 

  Seunghyun looked over the pictures, wondering if Jiyong would agree to wear them. To Seunghyun, the clothing seemed too revealing, too small, and just too feminine for a guy to wear. Even if it was pretty faced Jiyong. He leaned his chin on his twined fingers, elbows propped on the table, gaze sweeping against the pictures. J.Estina’s photographers and crew sat around, looking anxious as Seunghyun wordlessly kept staring at the photos. 

  Honestly, Seunghyun wasn’t sure how to react. He couldn’t just promise them “Oh, sure, Jiyong Kwon can wear these, definitely!” because God who knows if Jiyong would wear these. Daesung was peeking behind his shoulder to look at the photos and Seunghyun took them all, holding them out to Daesung who looked startled by the sudden movement. “Look at them and tell me what you think, first thing that comes to mind,” Seunghyun said. 

  Daesung looked at it before looking at Seunghyun, wearing an expression like he was given poison to drink. He put down the clipboard on the table, excusing his manners, before taking them. The room was dead silent as the only sound was Daesung flipping through the series of pictures. The photographer leaned back, looking anxious, as he slid a hand through his hair, putting his hat back on. 

  “Um,” Daesung said, his husky voice suddenly loud. “I’m sorry, but would Jiyong Kwon wear these?” He asked, looking at Seunghyun and then at the team. 

  “If you could ask him,” one of the stylists urged weakly. “He could, if at least just one photo.”

  Seunghyun nodded, taking the photos. “I will...ask him,” He said slowly and there was the droop of shoulders, sighs of relief in the room as Seunghyun leaned back. 

_ But,  _ Seunghyun thought.  _ Jiyong would absolute sexy in this.  _

  “Its all over your face, hyung,” Daesung whispered and Seunghyun turned to face him. The younger male offered a small smile. And Seunghyun rubbed his face. 

  “Could I have the clothing? Maybe just one of them?” Seunghyun asked, an idea popping into his head. “Maybe I could present it to him, if he wanted to see it,” He quickly explained. 

  “Of course!” One of the stylists said, brightening. “I actually have one if you’d like it.”

  “Yes, please,” Seunghyun said, shooting her a smile. 

  Daesung went to retrieve it and brought back a bag. He held it in his hands, standing behind Seunghyun. 

  “Is there anything else?” Seunghyun asked, smiling a little to ease the atmosphere. 

  “No, not that we know of. We’ve already discussed the shooting,” The photographer said with a smile. 

  “Right,” Seunghyun agreed. “Then, I guess the meeting is over.”

  “Thank you,” The photographer said and with a nod, Seunghyun got up, leaving first. 

  As soon as Seunghyun and Daesung were in the elevator, Daesung was the first to open the bag, pulling out the clothing. It was a sleep set, so they said, with two pieces: a cami and shorts. The material was soft, thin, almost see-through. Almost. It was two straps on the cami and Seunghyun wasn’t sure if it would a little tight or loose on Jiyong. The sleep set was aracia designed, imported from somewhere. J.Estina’s team wanted Jiyong to wear this while holding one of their bags to show naivety and beauty. 

  “Whoa,” Daesung said with a quiet gasp. “That’s racy.”

  “I would totally make Jiyong wear this, but in front of the cameras, maybe not,” Seunghyun said, feeling the material. 

  Daesung looked at Seunghyun and the older man shrugged. “You’re becoming weird,” Daesung said, slowly. 

  “I’m hots for Jiyong,” Seunghyun admitted as the elevator doors opened. They were back at his office and Seunghyun took the bag from Daesung. “Is there anything on my schedule today?” He asked.

  Daesung leaned over the counter, pulling out the planner, and shook his head. “Nope, you're free.”

  “Good,” Seunghyun said with a smile. “Because I'm going to a party inside a club tonight and I need to get ready for it.”

  Daesung just stared at him as Seunghyun went inside his office to gather his things and leave. 

 

  Seunghyun wasn't much of a dancer at parties. He was more of a person who’d like to calmly drink his glass at the second floor of the club, overlooking the people and the party...like Gatsby. And that's what he did, no matter how embarrassed he'd be because he was compared to Gatsby. He wore a black dress shirt from Saint Laurent with pin patterns on the black material. His sunglasses were from RayBans, personally made. In his left hand, he was holding a glass of Jack Daniels on the rocks, the glass wet from the ice. 

  The bass from the hip hop music vibrated under Seunghyun’s feet, the music almost deafening in his ears. Seunghyun took a gulp from his glass, staring down at the mass of people before his eyes caught on a familiar mop of fading white. 

  Seunghyun felt his lips curl up into a smile as he leaned against the railing of the ledge, watching him. 

  Jiyong was dressed looser and informal than everyone, donning a thin sleeveless tank that hung loose around his slender upper body, exposing the many tattoos on his skin. He wore ripped jeans with small chains clinging onto the material and a leather belt. He wore black ankle tight boots that hugged his ankles and a glistening silver chain on his jeans. He wore a lot of accessories on his fingers, wrists, and ears as they shined in the light as he moved. 

_ I would never expect to see you like this again.  _ Seunghyun thought, watching him with fondness. The man was just slender in his choice of fashion tonight. He looked smaller even. Seunghyun really wanted to hold Jiyong and hug him to death. 

  Someone tapped Jiyong on the shoulder, causing the male to stop and turn to face the man. His face brightened into a smile, hands outstretched to exchange a handshake, a smile lighting his face. 

  Seunghyun was conflicted whether to approach him or just stare down at him from the top floor like a stalker. He watched Jiyong turned back and lean over the bar counter, lips moving to order his drink. 

  Seunghyun found himself staring dreamily at Jiyong. He wondered if there would be a moment in their relationship where Seunghyun would be able to kiss the tattoo on Jiyong’s shoulder. Or hold his waist with the Forever Young tattoo on his side. 

  Seunghyun felt a tap on his shoulder, looking to see a friend and he smiled, eyes off of Jiyong, as he talked with him. 

 

  Jiyong felt his arm being grabbed from behind and for a long time, he came face to face with Soohyuk. Jiyong felt his face instantly sour into a hard expression. 

   _“What do you want?”_


	7. Paris

Jiyong felt a familiar ache in his chest. Why does Soohyuk have to always come at the moment where Jiyong is ready to let go? Why did he always seem to be in the same places after all these years of not seeing him? And he just couldn’t help but feel angry. Angry because Soohyuk was reaching out to him now. 

  “What do you want?” Jiyong asked, his voice coming out hard and harsh in the loud bass of the hip hop music. The chatter around was starting to die in Jiyong’s ears. 

  Soohyuk looked surprised by his tone of voice, his grip loose now, as they just stood in front of each other in the mass of people. “You’ve...you’ve really changed,” He said. 

  Something flared in Jiyong. He felt like slamming him into the wall and punching him. “I’ve  _ changed _ ?” Jiyong hissed. “Are you fucking serious right now?”

  “You’re not the Jiyong I know,” Soohyuk said and Jiyong scoffed. “I don’t get how you can be like this in just two years.”

  “Hey, get out and talk!” Someone jostled them and Jiyong looked away, feeling his eyes burn. 

  “Come on,” Soohyuk grabbed his wrist, pulling him outside to the back. 

  Jiyong didn’t why he was letting himself get dragged but he was and they were out into the cold. Jiyong felt his breaths take form and he was facing Soohyuk into the quiet, dimly lit alleyway of the building. Jiyong pulled his wrist away, leaning against the wall, refusing to look at Soohyuk. 

  “What’s wrong with you,” Soohyuk said, his eyes intense and hard. “You’re being unlike you.”

  “This is me!” Jiyong finally yelled. He was facing Soohyuk. “Believe it or not, this is me! This is what you made me into!”

  “Me?” Soohyuk frowned. “No, you made yourself like this.”

  Jiyong let out a bitter bark of a laugh. “Do you know how many days I spent waiting for you? How many days I drank myself to sleep? How many days I spend thinking about you?” Jiyong said, remembering his perch at the window, staring mindlessly outside. “I just couldn’t understand. Why you left me like that with someone else. Why you didn’t even explain. And now you’re coming to me after two fucking years to tell me we should get back?” Jiyong shook his head. “No, I won’t, because I’ve found someone who can be a better person than you.”

  “Who?” Soohyuk asked, his face darkening. “Is it Seunghyun?”

  “Why the fuck do you care?” Jiyong yelled, shoving him, causing him to stumble back. “Why are caring so much now?” Jiyong said, his voice cracking. 

  Soohyuk just watched him, his own eyes growing red. His face was dark, angry, and yet soft with something else. 

  “Hey, what’s this? A lovers shit?” A rough voice asked. 

  Jiyong turned his head, feeling a tear roll down his eye, as he saw a gang, looking intimidating. They wore dark punk clothes, different from Jiyong’s kind, more baggy pants, chains….anyhow, Jiyong didn’t get a good vibe from them. “Go back inside,” Jiyong said, pushing Soohyuk towards the door. 

  “What about you?” Soohyuk asked, looking at Jiyong and then at the gang. 

  “Fucking go back inside!” Jiyong yelled, facing Soohyuk. “Go in and never see me again,” Jiyong said, quiet. 

  Soohyuk held his stare before going in, slamming the door behind. Jiyong wiped his tear and saw the gang approach, snickering darkly. 

  “Hey, pretty boy, got dumped?” The one leading the group said, nearing him. 

  Jiyong didn’t answer, feeling bitter and angry. He couldn’t even think about what kind of situation he was going to get in. He couldn’t. “Fuck off,” Jiyong said, wanting to be alone. “Go pick on someone else.”

  “Oh, shit,” One said. “He’s pretty fierce with a pretty face.”

  “Hey,” Suddenly, Jiyong felt his chin being grabbed, jerked to face the face of the leader. His skin was dark, face angular, hard. “Fucking look at me.”

  Jiyong shook out his wrists before bringing back his arm and then slamming his fist into the man’s face, hearing something crack, his knuckles splitting. The man hit the ground, groaning as his friends stood, surprised and still. “Who said you could touch me, huh?” Jiyong said, his voice dark. “I said fucking leave me alone.”

  “This fucking little whore,” The leader got up, wiping his bloody nose. “I’m going to teach you how to pack a punch.”

  Jiyong felt himself being held up and he struggled, kicking his legs, pulling his arms before he was punched in the stomach, causing him to double over. And then from there, everything started to haze. Jiyong couldn’t remember why he was on the ground, but he felt his sides being hit painfully. Protecting his ribs, Jiyong curled before he was hauled up, only to be punched again and fall down. 

_ Ah, shit.  _ Jiyong thought, his back hitting the wall with a thud before his head snapped to the side from a hit. He hung his head, his body aching. He couldn’t hear anything but his own pulse throbbing in his head, as he stared at his bloody and scratched hands. His knuckles were bloody and he could see big, purple bruises on his arms. 

  “Fuck,” Jiyong said, hanging his head, leaning against the wall. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.”

  And he began to cry in frustration. He suddenly hated Soohyuk so much, his heart ached, and he felt terrible because he looked horrible and got into another fight. And he finally found the right decision to make up his mind to be a fucking model...after almost two weeks of thinking and pondering. 

  Jiyong held his head in hands, crying out loud, not caring if anyone heard or judged him. He pitied himself, looking at the bruises and cuts on his skin, feeling the aches etch into his body  like a familiar constant reminder. He hated himself for fighting and not trying to change. 

  Just then, a deep voice cut through Jiyong’s cries, and Jiyong slowly looked up, seeing Seunghyun. He was handsome as ever, eyes narrowed and intense as ever, fashionable as ever. His hair fell into his eyes this time, instead of being slicked back. And he wasn’t wearing his Giorgio Armani suit and tie. He was wearing casual clothes...like he came for the party. 

  “Jiyong,” Seunghyun held out a hand, not looking fazed by how Jiyong looked, or by his wounds, or why he was crying so loudly. “Come on.”

  Jiyong stared at his hands, big and wide, outstretched in front of him. He didn’t deserve being held by such warm hands. “No,” Jiyong said, his voice rough with tears. 

  “Let’s go back,” Seunghyun gently said. 

  Jiyong shook his head, staring at the ground. “You weren't supposed to see me like this,” Jiyong whispered.  _ I was going to come to you on Monday.  _

  “Then I’ll forget I saw you like this. Come on,” Seunghyun still held out his hand. 

  “I don’t want people to see me like this,” Jiyong said. “How can I be a fucking model for J.Estina when I look like this? With all the scars on my body, with all the bruises, I’m a fucking misfit, Seunghyun, I can’t do it!” Jiyong was yelling now, bitter. “I can’t do anything.”

  “You can,” Seunghyun said and he squat in front of Jiyong, resting a hand on Jiyong’s bare skin. “You’re going to fine, no matter what scar you have. We can help you treat them. But you can do it. I’m sure you can.”

  Jiyong stared at Seunghyun through glassy eyes and finally, sniffing, he took his hand. He helped him up and a black car parked smoothly on the curb behind him. “Come to my place,” Seunghyun said. “Stay over.”

  Jiyong numbly nodded, not sure what was going on. As he stood, suddenly, everything swarmed, and he was falling before strong arms caught him. He felt his eyes close, his body being held up, legs dangling. And the last thing Jiyong thought was if Seunghyun truly cared for him. 

 

  When he awoke, Jiyong was in a bed, warm, comfortable, and smelling Seunghyun. Light swarmed in, making the room bright with colors. He slowly sat up, his body groaning with every movement. Jiyong rubbed his eyes and then noticed bandages on his arms. He held out his arms, looking at the tan colored patches on his skin and he felt something heavy on ankle. Pushing back the puffy gray sheets, Jiyong saw his ankle bandaged and he looked around. 

  The room wasn’t his. And Jiyong didn’t have to think that this was Seunghyun’s room. Seunghyun’s room was spacious with his King sized bed, and a set of uniquely shaped chairs with a table by the window. Outside, New Times Square was bustling, crowded, and loud as usual. 

  The door opened and Seunghyun came inside, a smile on his face, a tray in his hand. “You awake?”

  “Yeah,” Jiyong replied, frowning when his voice came out husky. “Were you the one who did this?” He held out his arms and ankle, pulling at the large shirt he was wearing. 

  Seunghyun set the tray on the coffee table, going over to Jiyong and sitting by the edge where his other leg lay nestled in the warm sheets of his bed. “I have to admit,” He wore a small smirk. “I enjoyed sleeping with you.”

  Jiyong felt his face flush and he stared down at his lap. He put his limbs down, pulling the cover sheets higher. “Oh,” He just squeaked. 

  Seunghyun smiled, small dimples forming on his cheeks, as he grinned. “Just kidding. I slept in the guest room,” He said. “And I had Daesung bathe and clothe you. I thought it’d be best for someone you know well to do that.”

  Feeling touched by his thoughtfulness, Jiyong nodded. “Thank you.”

  “How are you feeling?” Seunghyun asked. “You feeling good to eat breakfast?”

  Now that Jiyong thought about it, he was pretty hungry and his stomach growled. It came out loud and Seunghyun just stared as Jiyong let out a giggle of embarrassment, hiding his smile behind his hand. Seunghyun laughed and brought the tray over. There was a glass of orange juice with a plate of fruits and pancake. They were still steaming and there was a tiny swirl of cream on the top with cut fruit at the sides. There were small cups of butter and syrup at the side. It looked good and Jiyong gingerly laid the tray on his lap, taking the fork and knife. 

  Not minding being watched, Jiyong stuffed forkfuls of pancake into his mouth, chewing hungrily. He stared at Seunghyun who watched a fond look on his face. “What?” Jiyong said, feeling defensive and self-conscious. “Never seen someone eat?”

  Seunghyun only smiled and he reached out his hand, wiping a crumb from Jiyong’s mouth and eating it. The small gesture got Jiyong flushed, his chest fluttering. “You’re cute when you eat,” Seunghyun said, his voice deep, the tone that Jiyong always thought made him blush madly whenever he thought about it. 

  Jiyong whined, blaming Seunghyun for being embarrassed, as he hid his face in his arms. “I’m sorry I love food,” Jiyong said. 

  “I love food too,” Seunghyun said. “There’s some things I want to talk to you about, but,” Seunghyun held Jiyong’s gaze. “It doesn't have to be now, but can we talk?”

  Jiyong nodded, swallowing his mouthful. “Of course,” He said with a smile. 

  Seunghyun smiled. “Good. I had Daesung bring in some spare clothing from your apartment as well as your cat,” He said. “I figured you might want it to be with you.”

  Jiyong’s heart swelled. This man was just too thoughtful. “Thank you,” Jiyong said, feeling his chest squeeze. “I really appreciate what you’re doing.”

  Seunghyun smiled almost shyly. “Daesung will come in soon,” Seunghyun said, looking at the clock. “Until then, rest and use this place freely. I have food in the fridge and I have anything you need.”

  “What about you?” Jiyong asked, finishing up his pancakes. 

  “I’ll be right here, watching you,” Seunghyun said. 

  Jiyong couldn’t help but smile at his cheesiness. He finished the last of his breakfast and let Seunghyun take it back. Once he left, Jiyong laid back down, snuggling into the large bed. It smelled like sage and cedarwood. Kind of like the perfume Jiyong wore. 

  Jiyong found a smooth part of the bed, mindlessly trailing his fingers along the wooden frame of the bed’s edge before his finger touched something that crinkled. Jiyong sat up, looking over the edge to see a bag. He picked it up, peeking inside, and then raising an eyebrow.  _ Well, well, well.  _ Jiyong pulled the tribal designed thin clothing, a little disappointed to not find it as a bra and underwear, but a cami and shorts. He was going to tease Seunghyun for having it but as Jiyong spread out the two piece, he found himself curious. 

  Swinging his legs off the bed, he made sure the door was closed as his feet touched the polished white marble with a cold tingling against this skin. He took the two piece with him, stripping off the oversized shirt and standing in front of the body mirror. He nipped the cami shorts in his mouth, unfolding the cami and making sure it fit. Looking at the tag, the waist size was just his own and Jiyong, not minding to wear women’s clothing (or so he thought was women’s clothing), was curious how it would look. He began to dress into it, slipping the cami gingerly over his torso. 

  After he was done, tucking in the cami into the shorts. He turned his body, laughing quietly at the sight. He heard Daesung’s voice and got excited at the thought of seeing his cat, and crept out, looking around to see where the two were. He crept out of the hallway and around the corner of the hallway, into the living room, he saw Daesung in the doorway, taking off his shoes, with two bags over his shoulder, Ai in his arms. The cat noticed Jiyong with the flick of her ears and leaped out as Jiyong squat down to kiss her. 

  “Thanks for bringing her,” Jiyong said, feeling overwhelming relief. He felt so bad for leaving her all alone some nights. 

  Daesung dropped the two bags, mouth open in shock as Seunghyun turned, face shifting to a surprised look. Jiyong stared at them as Ai kissed his chin. He felt self-conscious and cracked a nervous smile. “What, why are you two staring at me like that?” Jiyong asked before looked down at the sleep wear. “Oh, this,” Jiyong suddenly felt guilty, his back growing hot with shame, face flushing. “Sorry, this must be someone else’s,” Jiyong couldn’t find the words. 

  Instantly Daesung and Seunghyun were correcting him, waving their hands in denial. “No, no, no,” Seunghyun quickly said, cracking a smile. “That’s-that’s,” He kept stumbling over and finally Daesung recovered saying whatever Seunghyun was going to say. 

  “That’s for you, hyung,” Daesung blurted out, and then he slapped his hand over his mouth, eyes super wide, looking at Seunghyun who froze, mouth open. 

  “Really?” Seunghyun said to Daesung, throwing his hands into the air. “I was just going to say that and you say it, making me sound like some kind of pervert?”

  “I mean, I mean,” Daesung stuttered. 

  Jiyong watched with amusement, feeling relieved he wasn’t wearing someone else’s present. He still felt shameful for not thinking that in the first place, though. He laughed, hiding his smile behind his hand asking,“What do you mean, this is for me?” 

  Seunghyun turned his attention to Jiyong, shoving a hand through his hair, looking flustered now. “Well, J.Estina’s team was wondering if I could ask them to check with you if you can wear that for one photo for the photoshoot. That is if you’re going to sign with me,” Seunghyun said, looking a little troubled. “And,” He paused. “You...look really good.”

  Jiyong felt his face warm and he looked away, feeling Ai paw the side of his cheek, meowing. “Thanks,” Jiyong said, quietly, embarrassed. Then he remembered. “Ah, I was wondering if I could talk to you about signing with you as a model,” Jiyong said and Seunghyun nodded. 

  “That was what I wanted to discuss with you later,” He said, looking a little more serious. 

  “Here’s your bags, hyung,” Daesung picked up the bags, holding them high. “One is for your pants and jewelry and all your jazz, and the other is your shirts and jackets. I tried, in my very best, to choose which ones you would wear.”

  “Thank you,” Jiyong said, touched. 

  “I’ll put them...in the,” Daesung looked towards Seunghyun. 

  “My room,” He responded and Daesung walked around the corner and into the hallway. “Alright, so, would you like coffee before we start?” He asked, gesturing towards the couch. 

  “Yes, please,” Jiyong said, about to move to the couch, before looking at his clothes. “Can I change back, though?” He asked. 

  “Oh, please, go for it,” Seunghyun smiled. 

  Jiyong smiled quickly and setting Ai down, he went to Seunghyun’s room, passing by Daesung who flashed a large smile. He went over to his bags, opening them and pulling out a v-neck t-shirt and his favorite baggy pants.  _ God bless you, Dae.  _ Jiyong thought, changing quickly. He folded the sleepwear, putting it back into the bag, and went out to see Daesung, playing with Ai. He saw Seunghyun pouring hot water into the dripper and into a glass coffee cup. 

  Jiyong sat down onto the couch, pulling his feet up to his chest as Seunghyun brought over two cups, handing one to Daesung and one to Jiyong. 

_ Charming.  _ Jiyong thought, taking a careful sip.  _ And the best coffee I’ve ever tasted.  _ “Blue Bottle?” Jiyong asked and Seunghyun raised an eyebrow, sitting on the same designed armchair as Daesung took his spot on the fur rug by the coffee table. 

  “How’d you know?” Seunghyun asked. 

  Jiyong shrugged, smiling. “I recognize the taste.”

  Seunghyun nodded, looking impressed. Then he cleared his throat. “So, Jiyong,” He started. “The day after tomorrow will be Monday. That’s when the decision is up to you,” Seunghyun said. 

  “I’ll do it,” Jiyong said without thinking causing both men to look at them. He took in their stares. “Since I was young, I’ve always wanted to do it,” Jiyong confessed. “I thought I’d take my time to take the chance.”

  “It will be a little hard,” Daesung said. “Your body will be under strict diet, you’ll be moving day and night, you’ll be pampered in a bad way, and if you get famous, you’ll be busy...busier than you had as a designer.”

  “I’m fine with all of that,” Jiyong said, smiling crookedly. 

  Daesung smiled, looking at his lap. “I forgot you were Jiyong Kwon.”

  “I mean you still have time,” Seunghyun said. 

  Jiyong shook his head. “It’d best on both our parts, you tell them as soon as possible.”

  Seunghyun smiled, a large one. “Alright,” He said. “Thank you, Jiyong.”

  “Thank  _ you _ ,” Jiyong said, returning his smile with his own. 

  Seunghyun’s dimples appeared and Jiyong drank his coffee, content. Daesung just watched, expression almost happy. Then he set his cup down on the coffee table, going to his own bag he’d brought and pulled out a folder. “I have the contract form right now if you want to sign.”

  Seunghyun looked to Jiyong. “You can give it to him,” He said. “It’s his choice.”

  Jiyong nodded to Daesung who slid the folder to Jiyong. Jiyong took it and opened the black hardcover to see the contract on it. He read through it and took the pen from Daesung, printing and signing his name onto the lines. Then Jiyong took out his phone, snapping a picture, before giving it back to Daesung. Daesung tucked it into his bag and Jiyong couldn’t help but a tinge of excitement. “When do we start?” He said. 

 

  “Waist is 26 inches...height is five feet seven...weight,” The woman pulled Jiyong onto the weight. “58 pounds.”

  “Hyung, have you been eating? You’re so thin,” Daesung looked worried and Jiyong cracked a large smile before the woman, Kylie, an upbeat black woman with charming braids, told him he could get off. 

  “You’re rather slim for a man,” Kylie said with a smile. “But you easily pass the model requirements.”

  Jiyong laughed bashfully at that. “I get that a lot.”

  “I got your profile done,” Kylie showed him the information. “How is it?”

  Jiyong’s eyes scanned the paper and he nodded, looking satisfied. “It looks good.”

  “Good,” Kylie said. “Let me introduce you to your team. Afterward, we’ll be shooting your portfolio.”

  Jiyong nodded and turned to see Daesung following behind, giving him large smiles of encouragement. He was grateful Daesung was tagging alone; or else he’d be insanely awkward and tense. They both followed Kylie down to one of the photo studios and Jiyong greeted the photography team, shaking hands and introducing himself before they went into the fitting room where Jiyong’s stylist and makeup team waited. 

  “Lucky for you, your manager is going to be Soonho,” Kylie said with a wink and Jiyong was never so glad to see his long time friend and a familiar face. Soonho smiled, as they shared a hand slap and a hug. “So good to see you,” Soonho said. 

  “I’m so glad to see you too,” Jiyong said as they broke apart, smiling. 

  “I’ll take over from here,” Soonho said to Kylie. 

  “Go for it,” Kylie said and she turned to Jiyong. “I wish you luck, Jiyong,” She said, before patting him on the shoulder and leaving the room. 

  Most of Jiyong’s team were girls but Jiyong didn’t mind one bit as he stood, introducing himself. 

  “I’m Jieun,” A woman with slightly narrowed eyes introduced herself. She had blonde streaks in her hair and Jiyong smiled. She smiled back. “I’m your fashion stylist.”

  “I’m your hair stylist, Taehyun Kim,” A woman, slightly older than the rest, shook Jiyong’s hand. Her small figure reminded Jiyong of a friend neighborhood old woman but Jiyong was sure she was younger than he imagined. She then looked a little worried. “Your hairs losing the white dye…”

  “Um, I was wondering if you could help me pick a good color to dye it to,” Jiyong asked and Taeyhyun shined. 

   “Of course!” She said brightly. 

  “And I’m Fashion Assistant, Ahreum Kim,” Another older looking woman introduced herself. 

  A couple others introduced themselves and Jiyong thanked them for having them. 

  “It’s amazing how we’re all Korean,” Jieun said, looking surprised and relieved. “It’s great.”

  “It’s pretty great,” Soonho agreed. 

  “Alright, well, let’s get you started!” Taehyun said, clapping her hands. 

  “Let me show you the clothes you’ll be wearing. I got the info from Daesung beforehand so I know your size pretty well,” Jieun lead Jiyong to the clothes rack where Jiyong stared at all the high brands. 

  “I can’t believe you have all my favorites,” Jiyong said, unhooking out a Rick Owens dress shirt. He was surprised and excited all at the same time. 

  “We had to get your fashion beforehand so we can quickly make a portfolio for J.Estina,” Jieun explained. 

  “I don’t feel very good about that…?” Jiyong joked and Jieun laughed. 

  “It’s not a great feeling,” Jieun agreed. 

  “Let’s get your makeup done!” Taehyun ushered Jiyong into the chair, makeup supplies spread out and almost overwhelming. “You’ll be in here in and out so you might get a little tired. But I promise you’ll look great,” She said, reassuringly. “You can always tell the Director you want a break.”

  Jiyong nodded and Taehyun started with applying cream, wiping away the eyeliner Jiyong had previously applied. “You do your own makeup?” Taeyhyun asked, gently wiping away the kohl. 

  “I’m only good at eyeliner,” Jiyong admitted, feeling a little embarrassed. 

  “You’re pretty good at it,” Taehyun said. “And you have nice eyes so eye lining them all around, makes your eyes stand out.”

  “Thank you,” Jiyong laughed. 

  Taehyun smiled. “But since you’ll be wearing a lot of makeup, be sure to visit a dermatologist every three times a week,” She said to both Soonho and Jiyong. “I’ll recommend one to you.” 

  The two nodded and Taeyhyun looked satisfied. “Alright, we’re going to go for a smokey eye look,” She said, taking the toner. “You’re going to look exactly how you should be appearing in public.”

  “Will my portfolio be in public too?” Jiyong asked as his bangs were clipped back. 

  “Most likely. That’s how you’re going to be popular after all,” Taehyun answered. “The public’s gonna love you, Jiyong.”

  Jiyong wasn’t sure about that. But Daesung had said the same thing, as well as Seunghyun. And to be honest, Jiyong was starting to hope it was true. 

 

  Twelve hours later, Seunghyun’s feed on his social media was bursting with Jiyong’s face. He never felt so much pride and proudness. He hoped Soohyuk could see it so the two faced asshole could see how successful Jiyong is now. It was all over the media, already reporters were asking to interview Jiyong. Already, Vogue and other high magazines wanted Jiyong to be on their front cover. 

  They called him androgynous, both handsome and beautiful in his own colors. They called him a new sensation in the modeling world and the most successful one yet in Seunghyun’s company. 

  “Isn’t it great?” Daesung asked, looking happy. 

  “It’s great,” Seunghyun agreed. He wished he could see Jiyong and show him how good he looks and see his beauty in person. The pictures came out much better than Seunghyun anticipated. Jiyong looked almost ethereal. Out of this world. The stylists really made him into something. 

  Overall, Seunghyun was just relieved the public was accepting him in such a big bang. But he knew deep inside, with the help of his stylists, Jiyong would be a big hit. He just knew. Jiyong had been a rough diamond in the sand, dirty but shining bright. All Seunghyun had to do was wipe off the sand and he’d be shining all on his own. He just had that charm. The attraction in him that made people love him like this. Made the media go crazy. 

  “Why don’t you ask him out for dinner?” Daesung asked, giving him a knowing smile. 

  Seunghyun smiled at him, taking out his phone and sending Jiyong a message. 

_ I saw your portfolio; congratz bro. If you’re not busy, want to catch dinner with me?  _

  Anxiously, Seunghyun stared at his phone as he walked over to Daesung who sat on the armchairs, Daesung peeking at the screen. Then after long moments, Jiyong replied. 

_ If it’s expensive food, sure ;)  _

  Feeling overjoyed, Seunghyun took Daesung’s hand, looking happy as Daesung laughed out loud by his childish actions. Quickly, Seunghyun replied back that he’d pick up Jiyong in the parking lot. 

  Jiyong replied with an okay and Seunghyun was on his feet. “Where should I take him?” Seunghyun wondered aloud to Daesung. “Someplace fancy? A bar?”

  Daesung laughed. “Hyung, calm down,” He assured. “Why don’t you take him to that place we go to sometimes?”   
  Seunghyun thought of the dimly lit bar/restaurant. With its dim lights, not so loud chatter, it’s seats and drinks...Seunghyun considered it. He and Daesung would sometimes go grab a drink together after work. It’s a good atmosphere place to drink. 

  “Sure,” Seunghyun said and then felt a little bad. The bar had felt like a secret hideout for him and Daesung. “You sure, though? It’s kinda like our place to go.”

  Daesung rolled his eyes. “Hyung, it’s fine. Plus, I want to share with someone like Jiyongie-hyung. The place fits him too knowing how he is,” Daesung smiled warmly. “Share it with someone you love, hyung,” He said softly. 

  Daesung’s words melted Seunghyun with gratefulness. Daesung truly is an angel. He opened his arms to hug him affectionately. “You little brat,” He said fondly. “Thank you, my dongsaeng.”

  Daesung only laughed in response. 

  Seunghyun pat his head. “I’ll be getting going now, then,” He said. 

  Daesung nodded. “I’ll go home after I’m done with organizing the things you gave me,” He said. 

  “Alright, have a good night,” Seunghyun pulled on his blazer and went out, waving to Daesung before leaving. He took the stairs down, seeing Jiyong’s familiar car in the parking lot, smiling widely as he greeted some few people on his way. He pushed the glass doors open and saw Jiyong smile at him from the driver’s seat, the car ready to go. He looked absolutely gorgeous and Seunghyun went to the otherwise, climbing in. 

  “I’m the one who asked you for dinner and here you are, already waiting and even driving me,” Seunghyun clicked his tongue, strapping on the seat belt. He feigned his self-pity. “I’m supposed to be the one looking cool.”

  Jiyong giggled as the drove, moving the joystick to Drive mode. “You can’t drive,” He pointed out. 

  Playfully, Seunghyun jut out his lower lip, looking challenging in a comical way. “I could learn how to,” He said. 

  Jiyong just looked at him, laughing as they drove. “Where to?”

  Not breaking his stare at Jiyong, Seunghyun answered,”Go to Barry’s Bar two blocks from here.”

  Nodding, Jiyong moved the wheel left and Seunghyun just watched him. He didn’t have any makeup on, but Seunghyun thought Jiyong just appeared absolutely stunning. He liked this side of Jiyong. 

  “What?” Jiyong said, smiling at him questionably. 

  “I’m just wondering that you smell good as you look good,” Seunghyun said with a light smile. 

  Jiyong laughed into his fingers, facing forward. 

  Seungyun smiled at his cute reaction, feeling giddy as Jiyong parked along the curb of the bar. He looked thoughtfully at the bar, parking smoothly as usual. Seunghyun felt unease, worried Jiyong might be disappointed to not be able to go a fancy restaurant. 

  “I heard they have really good fish and chips here,” Jiyong said, looking excited. 

  Seunghyun let out a relieved breath. “They’re really good,” Seunghyun agreed. 

  They both crossed the street to go to the bar and instantly took a spot in the bar. They sat on the stools and ordered fish and chips. Seunghyun ordered wine while Jiyong looked thoughtfully at the menu. 

  “I’ll take the tropical margarita,” Jiyong said, his teeth catching on his lower lip. 

  Seunghyun felt this desire to bite it for him. 

  The barista, a woman with tattoos inked all over both her exposed arms, nodded as she gruffly went to work. Jiyong looked at her tattoos in fascination before his lips pouted together thoughtfully. 

  “Congratulations,” Seunghyun said with a smile. “For making it big in less than six hours of releasing your portfolio pictures.”

  Jiyong smiled, hiding his gums with the back of his hand. “I didn’t think it would be look,” Jiyong said, looking anxious. “I was worried I wasn’t going to be the expectation they want me to be.”

  “You don’t have to meet their expectation now. You should focus on how you’re presenting yourself first,” Seunghyun gently assured. “Come out the way you feel is best. Not to meet expectations.”

  Jiyong nodded, taking in his advice with a serious look. “Fashion is all about expressing oneself after all,” He agreed. 

  “You of all people should know that,” Seunghyun nodded. “You were a fashion designer.”

  Jiyong leaned back, looking like he realized something with fascination. “It’s only been three days and I feel like a month passed,” He said, laughing. 

  “You’ve been through a lot,” Seunghyun said, knowing exactly how that felt. “And look at you; you’re popular.”

  Jiyong smiled, propping his chin on his hand as the drinks and their fish and chips came. He looked hungrily at the plate with deep fried small bite-sized fish. The smell was overwhelmingly delicious as Jiyong took his drink. 

  Seunghyun held his glass up and they shared a small clink of their glasses in celebration before taking a sip. He watched Jiyong’s Adam Apple bob with a swallow. If only he could kiss it. “How was today?” Seunghyun asked, feeling ashamed for thinking something like that. He shook his head a little to clear his mind. 

  “Today?” Jiyong popped a piece in his mouth. “Today, I had a meeting with the photographer and directors from J.Estina,” He said. “And they got really anxious about me declining the part where I wear that sleepwear while holding a bag,” He laughed into his hand. “They were so tense, I got tense, and the whole atmosphere got awkward. I had to accept it.”

  “I’m surprised you agreed, no matter how awkward it was,” Seunghyun silently agreed with Jiyong. J.Estina’s team were an anxious bunch no matter what great, excellent work they perform. Always tense. 

  Jiyong shrugged, hugging himself, perhaps out of self-consciousness. “I guess it’s something out my comfort zone,” He admitted. “But this is my first photoshoot and I thought I’d have to go with everything.”

  “You don’t have to do anything that will hurt your pride, you know,” Seunghyun said, smiling. Jiyong was actually pretty cute when making decisions. 

  Jiyong smiled crookedly. “I’ve always wanted to know this, but how did you find me Friday night?” He asked. 

  “The night of the party in the club?” Seunghyun asked, remembering. “Well, you cry pretty loudly, you know.”

  A flush of red scattered along Jiyong’s cheeks. “Oh,” He said, looking flustered. “Oh.”

  Seunghyun laughed. “Sorry, I was just teasing you,” He confessed, feeling not so guilty. It was fun watching Jiyong redden. It just made Seunghyun want to tease him. “Truth is, I was watching you from the second floor,” Seunghyun said. “I didn’t know you were invited to the party and you seemed to be having fun so I didn’t approach you.”

  “I thought I felt someone watching,” Jiyong shot him a knowing smile. His smile grew a little more somber. “Then you must’ve seen Soohyuk.”

  Seunghyun remember seeing Soohyuk make his way through the crowd, grabbing Jiyong’s slender arm and pulling him to face him. It made Seunghyun instinctively move to grab his hands away but he figured they had things to settle. But he could never get Jiyong’s face out his head when he saw Soohyuk; flashes of pain across his face with anger displacing it. He’d seen it once, and it’d shaken him up. 

  “I did,” Seunghyun said, not lying. “Then I saw you guys go out and then after a while, only he came inside. That’s when I thought I should step in. Little did I know you actually shoved him back inside to let out your steam on a gangster in the back.”

  Jiyong rubbed at his knuckles. He was still healing and there was an unreadable expression on his face. “I just felt...dirty, you know,” Jiyong said, quietly. “I’m always fighting, always hurt. I have scars on my body. I thought I wasn’t fit to represent J.Estina the way I was.”

  “Because J.Estina is a woman's’ label?” Seunghyun asked and Jiyong nodded. 

  “It’s a label for women that seems so pure. Unlike me,” Jiyong slid his fingers along his knuckles. 

  “Jiyong,” Seunghyun said and he put a hand on his shoulder. “You fit J.Estina well,” He assured. “I swear to God, you’re much more than what you think.”

  Jiyong stared at him. His eyes were glassy and his eyes were so honest brown. 

  “You can be a new person from now,” Seunghyun said. “You want to change, but you can’t. That takes time so take this career to fix it,” He said. “And if you can’t, I’ll be here to keep you on the right road. I promise,” Seunghyun said. “So be more confident. Stronger than you are right now.”

  His lips thinned to a smile and Seunghyun smiled back. “Thank you,” Jiyong said, looking better. “You’re right; I want to change. So I’ll do that at my own pace.”

  Seunghyun nodded, encouraging him. “I’ll treat you the way you wanted to be treated,” He said, promising himself that he would do anything to make Jiyong shine. 

  Jiyong smiled through his hand. “You can honestly kind too,” He said and Seunghyun laughed, feeling embarrassed about his words. 

  “It’s hard to be my CEO self around you,” Seunghyun confessed. 

  “Why?” Jiyong asked, looking surprised. 

  “Because I like you and I don’t want such an imposing side of me to exposed to you,” Seunghyun said, looking at his lap. He wanted to say more but he stopped himself, afraid. Afraid of whatever Jiyong might say. 

_ I like you so much I want to hold you and hug you, tell you that I’ll love you better than anyone.  _ Seunghyun thought, fingers twitching.  _ I love you. _


	8. Staying Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! I'm so sorry for such the late update! I've been under serious phases of depression and I kinda couldn't write since I felt way too depressed. But thanks to the comments here and there, I'm back up again to finish this chapter and bring you guys the story I want to share. While gtop's relationship is starting out slow, please be patient with me cries TT.TT i promise to bring you more juicy stuff! thank you for waiting and i hope you enjoy this (boring omg cries im sorry what am i even doing) chapter! i love ya all.

“You’re not imposing,” Jiyong said, softly. “You’re charming that way.”

  Seunghyun had on a surprised stare, one arm on the wooden table of the bar. To Jiyong, Seunghyun struck him the way Soohyuk had struck him two years ago. He came into his life, making him feel things he didn’t he could. Made him feel love that he never knew that he would have. Jiyong was too swallowed in his feelings to have noticed but Seunghyun...somehow made him feel happier with every moment they spent. 

  Seunghyun appeared to have a loss for words as he just stared at Jiyong. Then he smiled, really smiled, the smile that Jiyong liked where his dimples showed. The corner of his eyes crinkled and he laughed embarrassedly, staring down at his lap. “Well, I wish I could’ve visited you when you were in the photoshoot for your portfolio,” He said, lifting his head at him. “Because you absolutely stunned me.”

  They were flirting for sure but Jiyong found himself enjoying it as he let out choked laughter as his cheesy, but on the heart, pickup line. Laying his head on his arm, he tried to regain his composure. “You’re so horrible,” Jiyong whined, fanning his face to cool down. 

  Seunghyun only looked satisfied with his reaction, drinking from his glass. “I get that lot from people that I’m pretty horrible,” He said, wearing a smug face. 

  Jiyong shook his head, eating the fish and chips. “You’re wasting your good looks on trying to be Cassanova,” He feigned pity. 

  “If I’m trying to be Cassanova, then you can be the mademoiselle I’m seducing,” Seunghyun countered, a smug look still on his face. 

  Jiyong burst into laughter, his face reddening from laughing. “You’re...you’re unbelievable.” 

  “I’m pretty good, yeah?” Seunghyun said, looking satisfied. 

  Jiyong exhaled, still smiling, shaking his head. 

  They finished the rest of their drinks, finishing the fish and chips, and went out into the chilly evening. They took a walk around the block, letting their food digest and sobering themselves up. 

   “I’ve been told not to eat anything fatty,” Jiyong said, stopping at the window of the Baskin-Robins ice cream shop. “I really want ice cream, though.”

  “In this cold weather?” Seunghyun asked. 

  Jiyong nodded. He looked at the ice cream. “I really want to eat one.”

  “Let’s go in, then,” Seunghyun said, taking his arm playfully. “They’re not here and it’s not like they’re watching us so take your chance and eat some.”

  Jiyong’s face brightened. They went inside together, feeling the air warm their cold skin as Jiyong ordered a two-scoop cone. It was rather the sweetest combination of ice cream any model could get; birthday cake flavor and chocolate chip batter. With a sprinkle of rainbow sprinkles. Sitting across from each other, Jiyong happily ate his ice cream. 

  “You look like you haven’t eaten ice cream in years,” Seunghyun said amusedly. 

  “I haven’t,” Jiyong confessed, taking a lick. “I’ve been too busy to stop by and order one. Just thought I’d take this chance.”

  Seunghyun watched him eat with what seemed to be a fond smile to Jiyong as he finished the first scoop. Jiyong just kept eating, not minding the attention he’s receiving from him. “Do I really dazzle you even when I’m eating ice cream?” Jiyong asked. 

  Seunghyun nodded, his smile not fading. “You’re cute,” He replied. 

  Jiyong almost choked on his ice cream, finally swallowing, and feeling his neck and ears flush, he laid his head in his arms on the table. Then he looked up, messing his hair, flustered as he smiled. “You really know how to fluster me,” Jiyong said meekly, finishing his ice cream. 

  “It’s my job,” Seunghyun said. 

  After eating, they left the ice cream shop and went to Jiyong’s car where Jiyong drove them back home. It was a comfortable, quiet silence, as Jiyong drove. He caught Seunghyun staring at Jiyong and he broke into a smile, hiding it by biting on his fingers, one hand on the wheel. “What do you,” Jiyong gestured, feeling flustered. “Find attractive about me than just me being cute?” Jiyong asked, curiously. 

     Seunghyun smiled, and his dimples showed, as he looked down at his lap. It was a gesture Jiyong was starting to catch as him being shy or embarrassed. Maybe both. It was a cute gesture on Jiyong’s part. 

  “Well,” Seunghyun began. “I don’t know where to begin,” He admitted. “There’s so much. You’re cute mostly,” Seunghyun said. “But maybe it was...when you were rough?”

  Jiyong let out a flustered laugh. “Are you talking about when you were with Soohyuk on that night?” He asked, flabbergasted. He didn’t think anyone would like him because of that. 

  Seunghyun chuckled. “Yeah. You were just...really attractive. I just thought you changed a lot and you’ve grown more attractive, alluring.”

  Jiyong felt his face flush. “God, Seunghyun, that’s a side you weren't supposed to see.”

  He laughed and Jiyong shook his head. “I’ve only seen it once,” Seunghyun said. 

  Jiyong just kept smiling, trying to hide his embarrassment by biting his fingernails, fingers almost covering his mouth. “I never try to show it to you,” Jiyong said, softly, pushing his embarrassment away. “Because it’s a side of me I’m trying to get rid of.”

  Seunghyun was quiet, his angular face serious, understanding. “Why do you fight?” He asked. 

  Jiyong smiled, remembering the day Jiyong had cried over his self-pity after getting revenge for hurting Daesung. He’d cried almost uncontrollably, asking, almost begging Daesung why he was always fighting. 

  And then Daesung had answered for him. 

  “Because I’m lonely,” Jiyong said, smiling a bit, feeling nostalgic. “I wanted to be loved, but I got cheated on, ignored, hurt. I waited and waited but I never got anything from him.” 

  “I knew Soohyuk tended to move on from one person to person quickly, but I never thought about the person he’d leave,” Seunghyun said. “He can be a bastard when it comes to loving someone.”

  “He is a bastard,” Jiyong said and was surprised to hear a small tone of fondness in his voice. 

  Seunghyun was silent and once more, Jiyong was grateful to him. He was a thoughtful person, doing the best he can for Jiyong. And for that, Jiyong found it charming. His way of taking care of Jiyong was full of deep affection. And Jiyong knew that Seunghyun harbored deep feelings for him. 

  “Let’s drink wine,” Seunghyun suggested after a moment. “I have nice wine at home.”

  “Sure,” Jiyong agreed and he went inside the garage of Seunghyun’s condo. 

 

  The following next morning, Jiyong was back on schedule when his manager, Soonho, dropped by to pick him up. He’d gone out at 6 AM while Seunghyun was still asleep. Today was the meeting for the long project for J.Estina’s new promotion. The project was going to be long, four whole seasons, Jiyong was informed. 

  The bags, clothes, makeup would all be gone over in the meeting as well as the concepts for each season. For becoming a model in only three days, this was going to be Jiyong’s biggest debut. 

  But before that, Jiyong felt his eyes closing as he laid back in the seat of the van as Soonho drove. His stylists he’d grown very close to, Jieun and Taehyun, were in the back, chattering. When the car came to a stop, Jiyong opened his eyes, closing his opened mouth, as he looked out. 

  “I have iced coffee,” Soonho held out an iced drink out. “Get your energy.”

  Grateful, Jiyong took it. “Thanks,” Jiyong said, sipping it as they all climbed out and went inside the studio where the J.Estina’s team was. They went up two flights of stairs as Jiyong sipped his iced coffee, feeling energy seep into his body as his mind cleared. 

  Soonho opened the door to the meeting room and Jiyong greeted the team, bowing and smiling as they all took their seats. 

  And the meeting started. The atmosphere was lively, comfortable, unlike before. Jiyong took off his hat, feeling it might be rude, as he slid a hand through his bed hair, nodding at the suggestions and ideas. 

  Jiyong found the meeting almost overwhelming. The team was bursting with ideas that Jiyong thought fit the new campaign perfectly. It was almost amazing and Jiyong could feel the weight of their expectations rest lightly on his shoulders. He hoped he would do well. 

  The meeting ended after two hours of planning. And despite everything, Jiyong felt excited to start. He had the script of what poses and face expressions should be for each session of the photoshoot for the winter/spring collection. 

  The whole team went out to eat breakfast before starting the first session. Jiyong ate as much as he could, wondering if he ate so much, he could skip lunch. “You’re so lucky,” Jieun said, looking at Jiyong eat. “If only I ate so much and never get fat.”

  Jiyong made a teasing show of shoving a fattening muffin piece into his mouth. 

  “Look at him,” Jieun laughed, shaking her head. “Go ahead, eat as much as you want.”

  Jiyong hummed in response, gaining laughter from Soonho and the others. He also choked, laughter stuck in his throat, as he drank orange juice to down it. 

  He finished his meal and they headed back inside the studio and into one of the sets. There were more people than Jiyong thought, standing by, talking, discussing rather seriously. The equipment were all on standby, ready to be used. The background was simple white and Jiyong met the director as his team went inside the room to set up their own things. 

  He caught sight of Seunghyun and their eyes met. Jiyong waved before going inside the room to change. 

 

  Seunghyun felt giddy by the fact Jiyong had noticed him and smiled, feeling his dimples appear. He stood by the back, watching the set, before someone, one of the working Directors, chatted with Seunghyun, greeting him with a handshake. 

  “Here to check the set?” He asked, chuckling. “You’re usually not like that.”

  Seunghyun chuckled. “Signing a model so suddenly was quite a surprise for me,” Seunghyun said. It was a white lie. Seunghyun was surprised; he never signed a model without proper inspection and audition. “I had to see how he was doing.”

  The Director chuckled. “He’s quite the person,” He said. “I’m actually quite excited to be working with him.”

  “Is he getting ready?” Seunghyun asked, checking his Cartier watch. 

  “I hear he’s getting his hair dyed before starting the shoot. His roots were showing, they said,” The Director chuckled. 

  Seunghyun secretly anticipated it. He wondered how Jiyong would look now. Would he go for the bad boy image? Or the pretty, androgynous image? As far as Seunghyun knew, he didn’t mind anything. Jiyong looked good in anything. Beautiful in anything. 

  After a long moment, Jiyong finally came out, and the sight took away Seunghyun’s breath. Jiyong almost appeared Parisian in the choice of clothing. He wore a black, simple brimmed hat with a red long blouse with a frilly hem, pulled out a little to give it an tucked in look as red ribbon like strings hung down. He wore black, shiny leather pants that outlined his slender legs and carried a black leather bag with a gold crown on it, instantly moving his body into a pose, the bag slung over one shoulder. 

  Seunghyun watched, biting his fingers, as Jiyong gave a camera neutral look, body turned to the side as if he was walking as he stared into the camera, eyelashes fluttering against his cheekbones. His newly dyed hair of pink was styled so that it was seen even when he was wearing the hat. 

  The camera flashed and Jiyong moved to a different pose. His legs looked long in the pants, his body slender in the red blouse. His face seemed more angular where Seunghyun was, showing his slender and perfect v-shape jawline. 

_ You really don’t know how you look to me right now, Jiyong Kwon.  _ Seunghyun thought.  _ You’re so much more beautiful than you think.  _

  He suddenly felt like sweeping Jiyong into a hug and kissing him in front of everyone. 

  “It’s showing all over your face,” Daesung’s voice said behind Seunghyun. 

  Seunghyun jolted, surprised by Daesung’s presence as he turned to face the younger man. He was greeted by the special small eyed smile as he smiled back. “He’s just really breathtaking,” Seunghyun said, pulling his attention back to Jiyong. He was now standing, as his stylist applied more to his makeup, another fixing the ribbon-like belt around his waist as he stood still. 

  Seunghyun noticed how many of the people were standing, chattering among themselves as they stared at Jiyong with amazement and almost awe. It made Seunghyun proud. The slate clapped as the stylist hurried out of the photo set as Jiyong posed again. 

  “He really seems like he’s been doing this for years instead of starting today,” Daesung said, also watching in a trance-like look. “He really is amazing.”

  Seunghyun silently agreed. Jiyong really seemed to appear as if he’d been doing this for years. His pose, his composure, the confidence in his expressions and shift of limbs and pose; it all seemed a little too professional for a beginner like Jiyong. But Seunghyun couldn’t imagine all the expectation Jiyong had on his shoulders. 

  Then Jiyong moved out from the shooting set and moved into the dressing room. Already, he was looking a little worn out, but still energetic as smiled, talking with his stylist as he disappeared inside. 

  Seunghyun smiled. “Can you make sure everyone here gets an iced coffee,” Seunghyun said to Daesung. “Especially Jiyong.”

  Daesung nodded, smiling. “Sure, hyung.”

  “Thanks,” Seunghyun pat Daesung’s shoulder. “I’m going to go out for a quick smoke.”

  Daesung smiled and Seunghyun took his cue to leave, going upstairs to where the veranda was. The building was only two floored, and held six empty rooms. It was a building used for either pop-up museums or clubs or anything of the sort that Seunghyun owned. For now, J.Estina was using it as their photosets. One thing Seunghyun liked was the veranda, anyhow. It was quite large with comfortable chairs and weather-proof glass coffee tables. It was perfect for coming out for air. 

  Pushing the door open, Seunghyun pulled out his pack and lighter, the wind pulling lightly, gently at his clothes as he leaned against the steel railing, looking out into the quiet neighborhood. He inhaled deeply, before exhaling it, gray streaming out from his mouth. 

  “Mind if I have a smoke too?” 

  Seunghyun turned his head, his cig sticking out from the corner of his mouth, as he saw Jiyong, this time dressed in a simple white t-shirt tucked into leather pants. It showed the curved of his sides flowing into his hips as Seunghyun painfully took his eyes off. Taking his cig out from his mouth, Seunghyun answered with a,”Sure,” before offering the pack, lid open, for Jiyong to take one. 

  Adorned with rings of silver and rose gold, Jiyong’s fingers took one and suddenly, he moved in towards Seunghyun, lighting the tip of Seunghyun’s cig with his. The gesture made Seunghyun’s breath hitch, as Jiyong moved away, taking the cig between his fingers, smiling gratefully. “Thanks,” He said, the pendant low around his neck swung as he leaned against the railing. 

  “You’re not trying to seduce me are you?” Seunghyun asked, giving him comical shifty eyes. “Because it’s really working.”

  Jiyong laughed into his hand, smoke coming out as he did so. “Well, admittedly,” Jiyong smiled almost shyly, gaze downward a little. “I am,” He said, his voice trailing off. 

  Seunghyun stared at him, blinded by the purity and shyness Jiyong was showing. It was so endearing, Seunghyun could almost just sweep him into his arms and hold him. “You’re so cute,” Seunghyun said without thinking. 

  Jiyong looked up at him, brown eyes honest and clear, as he smiled. “Why’re you suddenly…,” He laughed in embarrassment, hiding the precious gummy smile behind his hand. “That was so sudden.”

  Seunghyun laughed too, getting embarrassed as he stared at his feet. “But it’s true,” He gave Jiyong a shift of eyes upward. 

  Jiyong laughed, his head pulled back as he fanned his reddening cheeks. Seunghyun could see his ears redden as well. 

 Seunghyun watched his Adam’s apple bob, his collarbones peeking out from the thin fabric of the white shirt. He realized how thin Jiyong might be as he noticed the bones of his neck prominently almost jut out. A shimmer of worry ate at Seunghyun; was he eating right? 

  Jiyong took a drag from the cig, opening his mouth to exhale the smoke. “Did you come here to see me?” Jiyong asked. 

  Seunghyun nodded. “I wanted to see how it goes...with you,” He added.

  Jiyong smiled. “I was really nervous. But when I saw you and Daesung, it eased a little.”

  “You looked a little tired,” Seunghyun felt his eyebrows knit a little with worry. “Is it too much on you?”

  Shaking his head, Jiyong took another inhale. “No,” He looked thoughtful. “I think I was just wondering what other shots to pose since the photographer said to be more creative.”

  “Do a pose you think will fit the concept of your outfit and bag or whatever accessory,” Seunghyun advised. “Trust me, just follow what your instinct is telling you to do.”

  Taking a breath of the air, not the smoke, Jiyong nodded, looking to compose himself. “Like an artist,” He said, almost to himself, and his eyes shifted to Seunghyun’s. “Like art.”

  Feeling the familiar ache, Seunghyun nodded. “Like art,” He agreed.  _ Of any art I’ve seen, you’re the best one.  _ He thought.

  Jiyong opened his mouth to say something until there was a tap on the glass. They turned their attention to Sonho, standing behind the glass door, a knowing look on his face, as he tapped the glass. He gestured back downstairs and Jiyong nodded, his dangling earrings bobbing with his head. He turned back to Seunghyun, his eyes speaking for his mouth. They were just too honest for Seunghyun. “Thanks for the stick,” Jiyong held up the stunted remaining, placing it inside the ashtray. With a smile, he left first, opening the door and then following his manager downstairs. 

  Feeling a little disappointed that he wasn’t able to talk him more, Seunghyun stayed for another drag before grinding the rest down the ashtray and going back inside. As he walked down the stairs, he saw Daesung smile at him, holding two iced coffee. “Everyone got it,” He said. 

  And just as he said, everyone did. Seunghyun saw Soonho handing Jiyong iced coffee as he sat on the chair, appearing to be taking a brief rest. Jiyong’s ring-ridden fingers took the iced coffee and he drank with relief, using the back of his hand to wipe away the sweat on his forehead. 

  Making sure he was drinking it, Seunghyun smiled. “He looks good,” He said to himself. “Let’s go. I have something in the afternoon, right?”

  Daesung nodded. “The driver is outside.”

  “Good.”

 

  The shoot ended at 4 and Jiyong was so tired afterward. He did his best to keep a good personality, going over each photo on the monitor and taking a peek at the new campaign video shots. It was embarrassing at first, seeing his face and the expression he made, but he got over it as the Director kept talking beside his ear. 

  It was five now, and Jiyong was on his way to Seunghyun’s place. Strangely, he was living there, for the time being, sleeping in the guest room with Ai. Last time he came “home”, he saw Seunghyun looking at Ai fondly as she disinterestedly, licked at her paw, tail wrapped around her paws, a good distance away from where he sat on his couch. 

   “Thanks for today,” Jiyong smiled tiredly at Soonho. “I have an interview tomorrow?” 

  From the window of the driver’s seat, Soonho nodded. “At 7,” He said. 

  Jiyong nodded. “Okay, thanks,” He said and turned to go inside the condo’s lobby. He didn’t know how, but he was already inside, sliding his boots off, and lumbering inside to see Ai greet him with a meow and a slide of her body against his leg. Picking her up, Jiyong kissed her head, hearing the low purr in her throat. The lights were on but there were no signs of Seunghyun. He went into his room, taking off his jacket and then laying on the bed, feeling the rest of his energy sap out of him. 

  Ai meowed and Jiyong turned his head as she pressed a paw against his cheek, sniffing him. Reaching out from his side, Jiyong stroked her fur. He sat up, stretching his aching muscles as he called Youngbae, feeling bored despite everything. 

  “Yo, wassup,” Youngbae picked up in less than two rings. 

  “Wassup,” Jiyong answered. “I just got back from my first model shoot.”

  “J.Estina?” Youngbae asked. “How was it? You were such a big hit from your leaked portfolio photos.”

  Jiyong laid back down, this time properly with his head on the pillow, Ai climbing his stomach.

  “Daesung says you looked beat up but professional about it,” Youngbae wooed. “What a cool guy.”

  “Shut up,” Jiyong giggled. “I didn’t want to be rude.”

  Youngbae laughed on the other end. “That sounds like you; the emotional, polite gangster.”

  Jiyong laughed; the kind of laugh he used for fond memories. “You’re not fighting anymore, are you?” Jiyong asked. 

  “Nah,” Youngbae said. “Not anymore. My students and the other instructors seem to be conscious of it.”

  Jiyong hummed in thoughtfulness. “I see,” He mused. “I’m also going to stop.”

  “How many times have I heard that from you?” Youngbae joked. 

  “No, seriously,” Jiyong sat up suddenly, feeling the need to move. “I can’t fight anymore after today.”

  Youngbae was silent on the other end. “You did look too pretty to be fighting in the streets,” He finally said. 

  “Yeah,” Jiyong smiled a little, pulling his legs toward his chest. 

  “You must be tired,” Youngbae said, his voice light now. “Get plenty of rest.”

  “I’m going to sleep a lot,” Jiyong said and Youngbae laughed. “And eat a lot.”

  “Very unlike-Jiyong I know,” He joked. “See you later.”

  “Bye, bro,” Jiyong said and they both hung up. 

  He took off his rings and necklaces one by one, putting them on the night stand, making sure that each piece was kept together. He then stepped inside the bathroom connected to the room and took a shower. He came out, hair dripping, a towel wrapped around his waist as he went out, drying his feet on the mat before he came out. 

  Jiyong pulled on a loose white tank, pulling on his underwear and then the shorts. He laid in bed, pulling his phone to his stomach, head propped on the pillow behind him. Ai curled by his legs. 

  There was a knock on the door and Jiyong took his attention off his phone to see Seunghyun peek out from his head. “Hi, you’re home,” He said, smiling. 

  “So are you,” Jiyong smiled, feeling his cheeks flush.  _ What’s this?  _ Jiyong thought, embarrassed by his reaction when he saw Seunghyun. He swung his legs off the bed, feet lightly touching the cold marble floor. 

  Seunghyun just smiled, looking happy to just see Jiyong. His dimples showed, eyelashes against his high cheekbones as he looked almost bashful. “I hope I wasn’t interrupting you,” He said. 

  Jiyong laughed, finding his actions and his low voice almost cute in a childlike way. “No, I just came out from the shower,” Jiyong said and felt a drop of water slide down his neck as he said so. He caught Seunghyun’s eyes watching it as Jiyong felt the drop slide down his jaw and then lower. 

  He watched Seunghyun’s face expression grow dark, his eyes intensely watching it, his jaw-line slacken. Jiyong knew this look; he’d caught Soohyuk giving him the same look years ago. He was only 23, unable to know how a man’s stare felt on him, but felt the same heat stir inside him. It was like that now, and it was putting Jiyong’s nerves on fire, a different kind; like he was anticipating something. As soon as Jiyong felt the drop disappear down his shirt, Seunghyun’s eyes came into focus and their eyes met in a flash before Seunghyun looked away, feeling his jawline as if Jiyong had caught him. 

  But Jiyong was swimming in his feelings. Just what was he anticipating? It was making Jiyong feel insecure and a chill rose over his arms,  making Jiyong shiver. He had an idea in the back of his head, but… Jiyong shook his head, willing his shame away. Now wasn’t the time to think about it. 

  “You should wear something warmer,” Seunghyun’s voice was low and Jiyong looked at him. “You’ll catch a cold.”

  “Oh,” Jiyong saw that he was hugging himself. “Right,” He laughed a little. “I’ll do that.”

  Offering a smile, Seunghyun left, the door closing softly, and Jiyong felt his legs give out as he sat on the ground, confused and embarrassed, and ashamed. 

  “Kwon Jiyong, get a grip,” Jiyong said under his breath. “Get a fucking grip.”

  The door opened again and Jiyong was on his feet, looking at Seunghyun. “I’m actually going to leave soon to an appointment,” Seunghyun said, his casual attire changed into a formal one. His hair was out of his eyes, gelled back. “You going to be okay?”

  “I’ll be fine,” Jiyong assured, smiling. 

  “If you need anything, call me, the meeting isn’t important,” Seunghyun said, looking troubled when he said “meeting”. Jiyong imagined one of those meetings where it’s supposed to be important but unimportant to Seunghyun. “Or Daesung.”

  “I will,” Jiyong nodded. 

  Seunghyun smiled back before he closed the door. Jiyong heard keenly for Seunghyun’s footsteps in the silence. He could tell from the pause and then the clack that Seunghyun was putting on his shoes, leaning against the wall for support when he heard a thud. 

  These days, Jiyong had insomnia. Before he’d known it, there’s been too much to hold. The new attention he’d been receiving, how to handle the expectations, the fear of being judged, the way he should act...everything seemed to hit him constantly nowadays. He hadn’t been eating well; heck, he never ate well, but he didn’t eat sometimes because of deep sickening feeling in his stomach. That caused him to not exercise, despite Soonho’s recommendation to. Jiyong felt like he was entering a phase of depression but didn’t have time to really understand why. He was always on the move, and because of that, Jiyong felt his body come out of shape. 

  Feeling despaired, Jiyong crawled into bed, looking towards Ai for comfort. The cat seemed to know how Jiyong felt as she purred, rubbing her cheek against Jiyong’s as they cuddled. Jiyong felt like crying until he felt his phone buzz. Jiyong sniffed, his tears stopping short as he pulled his phone out, peering at the screen. 

 

  There was a text from Seunghyun that read a simple sentence:  _ be you, be yourself. Cheer up and hang in there. _ He stared at the text message, reading it over and over again until Jiyong suddenly felt like he could go on after all. A warm feeling spread throughout his body as Jiyong felt his lips move into a smile as he relaxed, reading it over and over until he felt better. 

  It was strange. Jiyong felt like he was spiraling into depression until someone pulled him back. With a single sentence. Closing his eyes, Jiyong thought of Seunghyun’s dimpled smile and fell asleep. 


	9. FXXK IT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, sorry for the super late update guys! I loved all your comments and it's been giving me so much support, thank you so much! I've been undergoing so much--depression, stress, dead ends, and that's whats kept this chapter so long. This place really is my only escape and being able to write fanfictions and sharing with all you guys is a blessing so thank you! This chapter is a little short but I thought it'd be best too haha. Thank you for waiting and I hope you guys enjoy!

Jiyong’s week was packed. He started to attend VIP parties, interviews from magazines, shooting with magazine photographers, and even going as far as to being featured in a famous rapper’s music video. That had been a great experience. Everything else was also amazing; he met celebrities he never dreamed he would and even took photos, lots of them. 

  But the best part was choosing his alias. He took days figuring it out before he went with “G-DRAGON”, a rather clever name. While it sounded like some kind of anime character, Jiyong was too satisfied with it. 

  Seungri had called to express his envy before getting upbeat and inviting Jiyong to his club on Friday night. That was three days ago and Jiyong was yet to give him an answer. He hadn’t seen Seunghyun either, assuming the older man was also busy as the CEO. 

  It was Wednesday when Jiyong’s popularity rose higher than ever, becoming Google’s number one search on the engine. His face was coming up on the covers of every magazine out there and even on posters and display boards. He was dubbed many names that made Jiyong embarrassed to admit. He was praised left and right. And happened in just two weeks. He’d even become so popular, his popularity could even rival a singer’s, with fangirls and even boys, crowding to see him everywhere he went. He couldn’t even go out as often as he could. If he did, Soonho was usually with him, and he’d try to cover himself up. 

  He was now in SoHo, able to find a bit of time to go shopping with his friend Youngbae. Soonho was with them too, being Jiyong’s manager. It was the break Jiyong deserved after two weeks. Later in the evening, he was to attend a party, hosted by Hoffman Samuels, a celebrated fashion designer under Karl Lagerfeld. It was a VIP party, supposed to be extravagant, and an honor to be invited. 

  “You’re so famous now, I barely see you,” Youngbae joked, nudging Jiyong’s arm with his. 

  Jiyong laughed, shaking his head. “I’m not used to it.”

  As they walked, Jiyong noticed a few people looking at him in recognition, smiling and taking their phones out, looking excited, as Jiyong choose to just shoot a small smile and go on his way. He only hoped Youngbae wasn’t disturbed by it. Youngbae didn’t, in fact, he looked more comfortable than ever, looking almost proud. 

  “Let’s go in here,” Jiyong pushed Youngbae affectionately into the new Raf Simon’s pop-up shop. Giggling, Jiyong glanced behind to see a whole crowd just waiting by the door, phones out, recording or taking pictures as some screamed. He found it rather cute to see them follow him but chose not to come inside. 

  “Welcome,” One of the employees gave them a welcoming smile, but she looked star-struck. “I’m sorry,” She said, looking shy. “Can I shake your hand?”

 “Oh, sure,” Jiyong held out his hand, feeling almost embarrassed, as he shook hands. He finally laughed into the back of his hand, feeling his cheeks redden as she cupped her face, looking happy. “I’m sorry, I’m not yet used to all this.”

  “No, no,” She said, quickly, composing herself. “Please look around and if you need anything, please just call me over. My name’s Rachel.”

  “Thank you. Do you guys still have the autumn slash winter 2003 hoodie from the David Casavant collection?” Jiyong asked as Youngbae looked around. 

  The employee showed him the right shelf before Jiyong paid for it on the spot, handing out his card. After purchasing it, Jiyong looked around to see if there was any more clothes he wanted. Raf Simons were one of his favorite brands and he’d been eager to buy their A/W 2003 Hoodie. He’d bought some more clothing, two bags in hand as Soonho made way for them to go out. Jiyong just smiled, sticking close to Youngbae who just pressed his lips into a thin line as they finally pushed out and crossed the street. 

  Jiyong began to giggle loudly, leaning onto Youngbae who laughed, Soonho just chuckling. Jiyong didn’t know what was so funny, but right now, he felt extremely happy. Not happy for being so famous; just happy with being with his best friend and his manager. Just happy that he had people with him, not alone like a long time ago. 

  “I’m glad I have you two, and our dongsaengs,” Jiyong said, leaning onto Youngbae. “I’m so happy right now I could cry.”

  “You certainly do look happy, Jiyong-ah.”

 

  After an interview with Elle, being the first male, Jiyong was to attend the last party he’d be going to for this week. Jieun and the others got Jiyong ready, helping him to his suit and tie from Thom Browne. His makeup was applied after a brief face massage as Soonho waited outside in the van. He joked around, suggesting things he could do in the party that would, no doubt, embarrass him. He wouldn’t do it, but he felt a little mischievous at voicing them out, making the others laugh at the childish ideas. 

  “I hope you don’t do it,” Jieun says as she sprays water into his hair, styling it so that his forehead was exposed, and his strands of hair in place with the others. 

  “I might,” Jiyong said, making his voice light. 

  “You won’t,” Taehyung insisted while laughing. “There’s no point for you doing it.”

  Cornered, Jiyong just laughed loudly. The thought just made Jiyong laugh. It sounded like something he’d do if he was maybe in his early 20s.

  “You’re done,” Taehyung and Jieun stared into the mirror across from Jiyong from where he sat on the chair, to make sure he appeared as handsome as he did. Jiyong did feel a small pressure on his shoulders of how he should look since he was currently J.Estina’s model. 

  “I hope your eye makeup looks noticeable,” Jieun stopped Jiyong short when he got up, looking worriedly at his eyes. “I don’t want it to be too sparkly. I just went for a slight splash of color on your face...what do you think?”

  Jiyong was in loss for words. He never knew the art of eye shadowing something; always black eyeliner. “I think it’s okay,” Jiyong said, finally. 

  “It’s okay,” Taehyung nodded. “You should go out now.”

  Jiyong nodded, thanking them and leaving them as he went outside, pulling on the Chanel sunglasses on as Soonho waited outside. The weather was cold, brutal as ever, as Jiyong wrapped a scarf around his neck as he pulled open the door to the van, welcoming the full on the heater from the car’s heating system as he pulled the door closed with a thud. “Thank god for the heater,” Jiyong gasped, shivering as he strapped himself in. 

  “Your welcome,” Soonho said in the front as he diverged into the road. “It’s the coldest day of the week today. I heard it’s going to snow inches tomorrow morning.”

  Jiyong groaned, tossing his head back against the cushion on the seat. It was too cold in New York City nowadays. 

  “I have a feeling that you’re going to meet someone special there,” Soonho said and Jiyong looked at him through the rearview mirror. 

  “Who?” Jiyong asked, curious. 

  Soonho shrugged, smiling knowingly. 

  Jiyong laughed at the mysterious comment. 

  Soonho arrived at the red carpet in front of the venue. There were crowds of onlookers being held back while screaming after one guest after another got off and walked the red carpet, fans being held back by the railing and the police. 

  “I’ll see you later,” Jiyong said, as a commissionaire opened the door to welcome him. 

  “Yup,” Soonho called and Jiyong climbed out. 

  Instantly, the paparazzi was on him, camera lights flashing, screams deafening as Jiyong smiled, waving to the crowd before he went inside the venue. Out of all the parties, Jiyong has been invited to, this venue might have been the most exquisite one so far. 

  As soon as Jiyong entered, the lights changed to an almost fantasy-like setting. There were red and blue and purple lights like the colors Jiyong would see in a top-tier club. There were pillars that were lit up with red, the metal reaching out to support the ceiling. Fairy lights draped from the pillars to the center in a low arch. There were long tables, tables for small groups, and a buffet table at the far right and left side of the room, lights illuminating the food. Although it was packed, the chatter of greetings and leisure talks loud, Jiyong could see the venue clearly. 

  Jiyong chatted up with a few people before he took a glass of strawberry rose cocktail. It was a tall circular glass with strawberry fruits inside. It tasted like roses but at the same time mixed with the bitter taste of alcohol.    

  He had a small plate of food on his hand, eating to ease his growing pit of hunger. He finished it with a few bites before he went to see if he could chat with anyone else. 

  “Hey, if it isn’t the new supermodel,” Someone says and Jiyong turns to see the model, Christian Denovich. They shook hands, smiling before they parted ways into the crowd. Jiyong finally sat down on a cushion on one of the tables, sitting comfortably with his legs crossed, drink in hand as he took sips of it as he watched the people. 

   The party started and Jiyong was invited to a table of celebrities he befriended before as the host came out on stage. Thankfully, his friends were there.  He sat with Soojoo, a Korean supermodel he met during a fashion show. 

   “So, before I let you guys out of the bag,” There were a few chuckles and the host, Giulio Fiacchini, chuckled too. “I want to introduce a rising model I’ve taken fond of, actually, obsessed over with.”

  There were some whistles and Jiyong felt his face heat up with the sudden attack of fond and knowing stares as Soojoo shoved him affectionately. It seemed they all knew who it was already. He felt his lips curl into an embarrassed smile as he watched Facchini. 

  “For years of my own fashion designing, I’ve never heard of this person until J.Estina. And honestly, he’s the first I’ve seen. I’ve never seen a man with such androgynous charm. He stuns me even at this moment. Please welcome, G-DRAGON.”

  There were thunderous clapping and calls, Jiyong stood up, pressing his hands together in gratefulness before sitting down. 

  “Alright, I’m done here, I hope everything enjoys this humble evening,” Facchini held up his glass and stepped off the stage, the venue erupting into chatter as many came up to Jiyong, sharing small talks and compliments. 

  Finally, Jiyong broke away from the crowd, his chest feeling overwhelmingly tight from the buzz of the people and the compliments as well as nervousness. He drank the rest of his drink, placing it in the bin with the other empty glasses. 

  Just as Jiyong was about to move to join his friends, someone grabbed his wrist, causing Jiyong to gasp before he came face to face with Seunghyun, their faces close. Seunghyun was smirking, almost looking victorious for surprising Jiyong. They were behind one of the pillars, away from sight, away from the crowd. 

  “Seunghyun,” Jiyong breathed, still surprised. 

  Seunghyun laughed, a low rumble in his throat that made Jiyong flush red. “You’re handsome today.”

  “So are you,” Jiyong said but it came out small as Seunghyun just smiled warmly down at him. 

  “You’re actually a little sexy right now,” Seunghyun said, his voice full of honesty and love. 

  Jiyong felt his chest buzz. Not with anxiety...with anticipation and love. It felt like it was going to explode, beating faster with every second. 

  “Jiyong,” Seunghyun said and Jiyong blinked out his haze. “Go out with me.”

  Without missing a beat, Jiyong pulled Seunghyun’s collar, and kissed him. The kiss was hard, crushing, but Jiyong poured out everything he had for Seunghyun into it. Seunghyun kissed him back, wrapping his arms around Jiyong’s waist, pulling him closer as Jiyong snaked his arms around his neck. 

  It suddenly felt hot and the kiss broke with a wet break of the lips and feeling dizzy, Jiyong leaned against Seunghyun, hiding his face in his chest to hide his deep blush. He was breathing a little hard, and he took his time to catch his breath. 

  “You okay?” Seunghyun asked, his breath hot against Jiyong’s ear. 

  Jiyong nodded. “I’m okay,” He smiled up at Seunghyun. 

  Seunghyun watched his face a little too intensely. Then he traced Jiyong’s chin, his eyes trailing over Jiyong’s face. “Let’s leave right now.”

   Anticipation and excitement made Jiyong nervous and he nodded. “Yeah,” He breathed. “Let’s leave.”

 

  Seunghyun didn’t give Jiyong a chance as soon as they went inside his apartment. The lights were off and that was okay; Seunghyun didn’t need light to see Jiyong’s flushed face and his trembling body. They were kissing hard and Seunghyun dreamed of this moment as he popped Jiyong’s dress shirt open, sliding his hands along Jiyong’s sides and into his waist. His body was thin, too slender, but his skin was so warm. 

  Their kiss broke as Jiyong gasped for air, his hands pulling Seunghyun’s clothes off. They fumbled with each other’s clothes, as they blindly moved to Seunghyun’s room. Then Seunghyun saw his bed and with a pull, Jiyong was underneath him, his head turned to the side, exposing his neck. He was breathing hard, his chest moving up and down with each rattle of breath he took in. He looked unbelievably sexy and that was turning Seunghyun on. 

  “We can go slow,” Seunghyun said, licking Jiyong’s ear at which the younger man let out a gasp. 

  “No,” Jiyong breathed and his fingers pulled Seunghyun’s face close to his so that they were looking into each other’s eyes. His eyes were brown, hazy with arousal, but full of love and trust. “Don’t stop.”

  Seunghyun kissed him and Jiyong sighed. Then Seunghyun straddled Jiyong, throwing off his dress shirt so he was half-naked. Noticing Jiyong’s bulge, Seunghyun ground down causing Jiyong to gasp loudly as he ground back. 

  Their belts unbuckled and flew off in a flash and Seunghyun was kissing Jiyong’s body. His forehead, his eyes, his cheeks, his nose, his lips, his jaw line and then trailed his tongue to the curve of his collarbones. Jiyong’s chest was moving up and down as his quiet moans filled the room. He was too sensitive. 

  “Not there,” Jiyong’s back suddenly arched. “No, no,” He was chanting as Seunghyun neared his arousal. “Seung-” He was cut off as Seunghyun took him in his mouth. Fingers gnarled into his hair as Seunghyun gave Jiyong a blowjob, his eyes on Jiyong whose head was flung back, his back flexibly arching. 

  Seunghyun felt his own throb as his tongue flicked the head, making Jiyong whine. He finally took his lips off, Jiyong breathing hard and Seunghyun licked his lips. Without a moment, Seunghyun hooked his hands under Jiyong’s knees, pulling his waist up so his ass was facing Jiyong. 

  Jiyong squealed with embarrassment, hiding his face. 

  His asshole was clenching and unclenching, the pink around reddening. Seunghyun gave it a lick and Jiyong moaned. “That’s dirty!”  Jiyong protested. 

  “It’s sweet,” Seunghyun said and probed with his tongue in. “Nothing’s dirty about you.”

  Jiyong whined and then gasped when Seunghyun’s tongue eased in when Jiyong relaxed. It was soft inside and Seunghyun used his saliva to lube his fingers, Jiyong watching with a flushed expression. His eyes were clouded now, totally aroused. 

  “Is this your first time?” Seunghyun asked, his voice coming out low. 

  Jiyong’s Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed, nodding, before hiding his face with his arms. 

  “Wait,” Seunghyun leaned over Jiyong to see his face, surprised. “This is your first time?”

  Jiyong pulled his arms away, his eyes blinking. “Yeah,” His voice cracked a little. “This is my first time.”

  “How?” Seunghyun breathed, as he stroked Jiyong’s cheeks, pressing butterfly kisses on his eyes. “You’re so alluring.”

  Jiyong wrapped his arms around Seunghyun’s neck. “I didn’t give Soohyuk my consent,” He said, his head on Seunghyun’s shoulder. “I was too scared.”

  Seunghyun stayed quiet before he kissed Jiyong’s side of his head. “I never asked for yours,” Seunghyun said, feeling guilty. He’d been so driven by his own hunger for Jiyong, he’d forgotten. 

  “You don’t need to,” Jiyong said and their faces met, illuminated by the lights outside. Seunghyun was struck at the moment how beautiful Jiyong Kwon was. His makeup was still intact, hair messed, lips swollen red from the kissing and Seunghyun felt his hands moving to Jiyong’s hips. 

  “I love you,” Seunghyun whispered. “Please let me love you. Let me give you back the love that you’ve forgotten. Let me give everything to you.”

  Jiyong leaned into Seunghyun’s touch and he just kissed him. Slowly. His lips moved against Seunghyun’s and their tongues slid against each other. Tasting. Probing. And Seunghyun felt Jiyong’s emotions through it. 

  “I’ll give you my everything,” Jiyong said. 

  And Seunghyun took it, giving his with sweet love. 

 

  When Jiyong woke up the next morning, the sun was rising up. Ai had curled up on the pillow Jiyong was using, fast asleep. Seunghyun was still asleep from the sound of his deep breathing. His arms were wrapped around Jiyong’s waist, warm and comfortable. Their legs were knotted together, Jiyong’s back against Seunghyun’s chest. He was far too warm to move. 

  He checked the time on his phone, feeling exhausted already with the schedule Soonho sent him when he swiped left on the lock screen. He left his phone and moved into Seunghyun’s arms, smelling his cologne. 

  “Jiyong,” Seunghyun murmured. 

  “Did I wake you?” Jiyong asked, looking meekly up at him. 

  Seunghyun cracked open his eyes, smiling sleepily before kissing Jiyong’s forehead, pulling him closer. “When do you have to go?” He asked, voice musky. 

  “10,” Jiyong said as he felt Ai meow, weaving her way into their embrace as she planted herself in between them. 

  They both laughed as Ai blinked slowly, looking smug. 

  Finally, Jiyong was the first to get up, sitting at the edge of bed, reaching for his box of cigs and his lighter as Seunghyun joined him, sitting next to him. With a snap and a click, Jiyong smoked his first stick, lighting Seunghyun’s as the older man laid his head on his shoulder. The fact that they were both stark naked didn’t seem to mind to both of them. 

  Jiyong felt their hands entwine and he stared at it with profound shyness. He giggled, holding his cig as the smoke flowed out from his mouth as he laughed, feeling utterly happy. He heard Seunghyun chuckle and Jiyong felt like his world was finally bright again. 

  Everything that he’d felt; those miserable days of sitting alone in the dark, staring outside seemed like a long time ago. Those days of fighting in the rain and emerging like he got hit by a car seemed like years ago. He’d forgotten what his breakup with Soohyuk felt. 

  Jiyong tightened their hold as Seunghyun did the same. 

_ I could wake up tomorrow, excited for a new day with you.  _

__ And looking into Seunghyun’s eyes, Jiyong knew he felt the same. 


	10. Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! Here is the latest chapter after a long time (aaaah sorrryyyy) and also the last. Truthfully, this story was rushed around the middle of writing it, which feels wrong after writing so much. But, I will continue the story with a sequel which I might start around June and will be about maybe less than five chapters due to another story I will be writing and posting. Thank you so much, to all the readers and commenters, for coming this way, giving me the encouragment, the long comments, and just comments in general that helped me with this story. I also would like to apologize for rushing the story, making it feel almost incomplete and I will come back with a new one, with a new fresh start and a fresh, final ending. Until then, please enjoy the chapter, leave comments (I love them so much o m g), and please look forward to the sequel! Thank you so much and it's been a huge, huge pleasure to share this story with all of you!

He loved him too much, he started noticing the things he liked about Jiyong. 

He liked the tunic style Jiyong wore sometimes with the cut v-neck and the embroidered fabric on his shoulders and long like a mini-dress on Jiyong’s slender, thin body. He found Jiyong so pretty like that with his pretty clothes. He fell more and more in love with Jiyong’s beautiful J.Estina promotion videos the director took while shooting the photos. His makeup, his perfect slender v-neck jawline, his stunning face expressions that just took Seunghyun’s breath away; Seunghyun noticed that he was too deep in love. 

Jiyong still stunned Seunghyun. He stunned Seunghyun to no words, stunned him into a trance that made Seunghyun either smile fondly at him or get him half-hard. Mostly, it’d been him smiling so wide, his dimples showed and made Daesung giggle like a schoolgirl. 

Seunghyun liked many moments of Jiyong. Like when Jiyong came out from the shower, his hair still wet, his nose red, but fresh as he smiled bashfully. Or when Jiyong sometimes stared outside, chin propped up on the palm of his hand. He looked peaceful like that, sitting by the table, with a glass or a can of beer in front of him. 

Sometimes Seunghyun felt like he had to see Jiyong at that moment. Sometimes he’d leave the building earlier just to see Jiyong at home if he was resting. And he loved the look on Jiyong’s face when he’d drop by his shooting locations to surprise his team and the others with coffee. 

He loved the way Jiyong’s body folded into his when they hugged, they way his slim arms wrapped around his waist, his head below his chin, his smiling face looking up at his. He was so small like that. He loved how Jiyong smelled like flowers like the first blossoms in spring (minus the allergies). He loved how Jiyong was endearing one moment, then unbelievably sexy the next. 

“...hyun. Seunghyun!”

Pulling himself out from his trance, Seunghyun stared hazed at Jiyong. He looked curious, a smile in place. In a moment, Seunghyun remembered he was out with Jiyong on a private dinner at a private reservation at a five-star restaurant. “Sorry, what?” Seunghyun dumbly asked. 

Jiyong laughed, making Seunghyun smile bashfully at him. “I said, how was the party you attended yesterday?”

“Boring without you,” Seunghyun said, taking a sip from his glass as Jiyong smiled his gummy smile that Seunghyun’s come to adore. 

Jiyong ate the remains of his dish with a thoughtful bite. “I was a little sad I couldn’t go but I had a cover shoot with Hypebeast…,” Jiyong said. “Yesterday had been rather tiring.”

“I’m sure,” Seunghyun agreed, remembering his own morning and afternoon working on those papers to sign. Then he watched Jiyong reach for the wine bottle, pouring himself a glass. His forearm was exposed and Seunghyun noticed the scars were gone on his skin. It was flawless, smooth expanse of skin and Seunghyun felt like sliding his fingers along them. 

“I know what you’re thinking,” Jiyong said with a knowing look. 

Seunghyun gave him a challenging look. “Yeah? And what am I thinking?”

Jiyong held his stare before bursting into laughter. “I don’t know.”

“I was just thinking the scars disappeared,” Seunghyun said and Jiyong swayed his body leisurely. 

“So did the other ones,” Jiyong said, rubbing his knuckles, looking self-conscious. 

Seunghyun reached over the table, grasping Jiyong’s hands gently and setting them on the table as he rubbed his fingers over his knuckles. He heard an intake of breath from Jiyong and Seunghyun felt a stir in his chest. 

“I love you,” Seunghyun said, quietly and Jiyong met his eyes. “I love you,” Seunghyun said again with sincerity.

“I know,” Jiyong said, and Seunghyun saw his eyes shine. “I know.”

Seunghyun held his hand, fingers gnarled together. Then curiously, he began to stare at Jiyong’s fingers.  His fingers were slim and long, and Seunghyun smiled at his pinky. “Your hands are both sexy and cute.”

Jiyong burst into laughter. “How are hands cute and sexy at the same time?”

Seunghyun chuckled, feeling sheepish. “Only your hands are.”

Jiyong just shook his head, laughing, leaning back and forth as he did before staring at his lap, a smile on his face. Then he squeezed Seunghyun’s hands before letting go, finishing the rest of their last course. 

“How do you eat so much and not gain any weight?” Seunghyun asked curiously. It was an amazement to see Jiyong eat so much. 

Jiyong chewed thoughtfully, swallowing with a gulp of beer. “I don’t know. I don’t exercise at all...I’m not anorexic either. I just love food.”

Seunghyun smiled. “Me too.”

“You barely ate,” Jiyong said, pointing his fork at Seunghyun’s plate. 

“I was too busy watching you eat because you need it more than I do,” Seunghyun said simply. 

Jiyong laughed and ate the rest. “I’ve been too tired to even eat properly,” Jiyong said, chewing. “But thanks to you I get to eat good food.”

Seunghyun smiled. “You should eat at least something on the way.”

Jiyong scrapped the dish clean and wiped his mouth. “I’ve been sleeping on the way.”

Seunghyun nodded, watching him take the check that was left at the edge. Plucking it from his hands, Seunghyun pulled out his card. Just as Jiyong was about to protest, Seunghyun pressed the button for the waitress to come and take it. 

“I invited you out so it’s my treat,” Seunghyun said, raising his eyebrows mischievously. 

Jiyong just rolled his eyes, putting back his wallet inside his pocket. “If you say so.” 

After paying, they went outside and into Seunghyun’s car where they headed home. Jiyong fell asleep after on Seunghyun’s shoulder as Seunghyun stared at his iPad for his schedule tomorrow. Seunghyun heard a light snore and he looked at Jiyong who was sleeping with his mouth slightly open. Feeling playful, Seunghyun took out his phone and took a selfie, smiling into the camera as the shutter clicked. 

“Seunghyun,” Jiyong protested sleepily and Seunghyun laughed. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Seunghyun said, not feeling so sorry. “You just sleep so well.”

Jiyong grunted and Seunghyun just pat his leg, coaxing him back to sleep. Jiyong was snoring softly after a moment and Seunghyun held his hand, rubbing circles on his smiley face tattoo. He wondered what kind of thoughts Jiyong had when he decided to get such a small tattoo on that specific area of his hand. He wondered how lonely Jiyong must’ve been. 

Seunghyun kissed his tattoo as Jiyong snuggled more closer to him. “What are you doing?” Jiyong murmured and Seunghyun poked his cheek playfully, watching Jiyong pout and smile. 

“Sleep when we get home,” Seunghyun nudged Jiyong awake. 

Jiyong burrowed his face into Seunghyun's shoulder in silent protest. Then rubbing his eyes, he sat straight, rolling his head to ease the cramps in his neck. When the car stopped in front of the condor, Seunghyun thanked his driver, climbing out with Jiyong following. 

“I don’t feel so sleepy anymore,” Jiyong said, shivering as they went inside into the lobby. Checking in, Seunghyun smiled at Jiyong who tried to pull his jacket from his shoulders. Shrugging it off, Seunghyun let Jiyong take it as he pushed the up button of the elevator. 

“It’s warm now, isn’t it?” Seunghyun hummed into Jiyong’s neck, deeming it safe to show his affections. It was 12 at midnight after all. 

The elevator opened and Seunghyun stepped inside, pulling Jiyong with him as he pushed the button for the doors to close. He kissed him against the wall, trapping his wrists on the wall as Jiyong laughed. 

“Seunghyun,” Jiyong said, his lips coming away with a slick wet slide of their lips. 

“Just felt like it,” Seunghyun said into his ear, making his voice deep to shake Jiyong up. He knew Jiyong loved it. And from the way Jiyong shuddered, Seunghyun hit home. “I just found you so pretty.”

“You know guys don’t really like it when they’re called ‘pretty’,” Jiyong said, stopping Seunghyun’s kiss with a finger. 

“Can’t find anything else to describe you,” Seunghyun murmured. 

Jiyong stared up at Seunghyun with an adoring smile as he reached to his tippy-toes, kissing Seunghyun’s jawline. The doors opened and Seunghyun wrapped an arm around Jiyong’s waist as they walked out, all smiles and giggles as they walked the corridor to Seunghyun’s place. 

“I’m going clubbing with Youngbae on Saturday,” Jiyong said as Seunghyun punched in the dials to his apartment space. They went inside and Ai meowed, greeting Jiyong with a loud meow. The lights clicked on, lighting Seunghyun’s artistic apartment. 

“Yeah?” Seunghyun pulled his tie loose, shrugging off his blazer. 

Jiyong nodded, walking to his room. Ai followed with her tail high as Jiyong clicked on the lights, unbuttoning his dress shirt, revealing the smooth canvas of his chest as he changed into more comfortable clothes. 

There was a knock and Jiyong turned to see Seunghyun smile at him from the doorway as Jiyong smiled back, pulling on his shirt down his torso as Ai seemed to be waiting for Jiyong to shower her with attention. 

“Not yet,” Jiyong said, stroking her head as he sat on the edge of the bed, pulling his leather pants off. 

Seunghyun watched Jiyong pulled them off, reaching for the shorts, before he pulled Jiyong’s wrist, making him yelp in surprise, before pulling him close, his arm around Jiyong’s waist as the younger man giggled loudly. 

“Let me dress,” Jiyong laughed, throwing his head back, but he showed no struggle. 

Seunghyun just chuckled against his neck, sliding his hands down the slender curve of his waist to his bony hips. And he held them there, feeling Jiyong hug him back. “I’m so glad I met you,” Seunghyun said. 

Jiyong looked up at him, his brown eyes warm, as he just stared at Seunghyun. “Honestly,” His voice was soft. “Who knew someone like me could’ve even been with you.”

“I always saw you someone who would be independent,” Seunghyun agreed. “But it looks like a lucky person got charmed by your misfit-like actions.”

“I always wore black or gray,” Jiyong admitted. 

Seunghyun laid his head on his shoulder. “You’re prettier with more colorful clothes.”

“That’s why, you need to let me put on my shorts,” Jiyong said, breaking away with a laugh as he stepped into them, pulling them up so they hung loosely around his waist. 

“Sexy,” Seunghyun commented and Jiyong rolled his eyes. 

“I’m going to go wash my face,” Jiyong said, going into the bathroom. He closed the door, light clicking on, the fan running loudly. 

Seunghyun just felt himself smile, feeling his dimples begin to form as he felt his phone vibrate. He saw a text message and felt a small uneasy feeling as he read the article’s title on the link Daesung had just sent him. 

_ Soo-hyuk Kim, known to be a high-class fashion designer, drops his first model shoots for Gucci’s new collection.  _

 

“Did you know Soohyuk is a model now?” Jiyong asked nonchalantly as Seunghyun just stared at him from his book. 

“You knew?” Seunghyun said, eyes wide and Jiyong plopped himself beside Seunghyun on the couch. “I was going to tell you today.”

“It’s all over the media,” Jiyong said as he scrolled down on his phone to see Soohyuk’s pictures. 

Suddenly Seunghyun hugged him, pulling him into his lap and just holding him close. Jiyong blinked, patting Seunghyun’s hair. He let out a small laugh, confused. “What’s wrong?” Jiyong asked. 

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Seunghyun said, his voice muffled. “I’m glad you’re not upset about Soohyuk anymore.”

Jiyong hugged him back. “I can’t be. It’s already passed and right now, you matter,” Jiyong stroked Seunghyun’s hair, smiling as the older man looked up at him the way a child would to his mother. “There’s bound to be competition between him and me,” Jiyong said thoughtfully. “But well, it’s gotta be like that in this modeling world.”

Seunghyun stroked Jiyong’s cheek before kissing his chin. He was about to move away when Jiyong squeezed him close and Seunghyun looked up at him in question. “Let’s stay like this,” Jiyong said, feeling stupid and shy as he said it. He sounded clingy but just for this moment, Jiyong wanted to feel Seunghyun’s arms around his waist, his head on his chest as their limb gnarled into each other. 

“Okay.”

Jiyong felt his hand being held by Seunghyun’s larger ones and lulled by the circles that he drew on his tattoo, Jiyong fell into a deep sleep. 

 

“Have you told Seunghyun about this?” Youngbae asked, curiously looking at a matte covered candle pot, taking a whiff of it. 

“About moving into a new apartment? Not yet,” Jiyong said, taking each candle and taking a whiff. So far he liked three candles and he felt he needed to choose only one. Anthropologie has such good indie household products. He wasn’t able to see their autumn collection but now with spring coming up any soon, Jiyong found a new love for candles. 

“Where is it again?” Youngbae asked. 

“Carmel Place, Kips Bay,” Jiyong answered, taking one candle pot. “You mind letting me shop here?” Jiyong asked, turning his head to Youngbae and the slightly older man nodded stiffly. “Thanks.”

“Why here of all places?” Youngbae asked, looking around the store’s vivid interior. 

“I just remembered receiving their seasonal magazines and how nice their household items were,” Jiyong replied, thoughtful. “I really liked their pullovers…”

“Then why am I here?” Youngbae asked, bluntly, with a breathy laugh. 

“You’re always in the studio so I thought instead of smelling feet and sweat all day, you could actually take a day to just come out into the open air,” Jiyong said with a smile. 

Youngbae pat Jiyong’s shoulder. “You’re a good friend, Jiyong-ah.”

“Love you too, Bae,” Jiyong laughed. “I’ll just take these three,” Jiyong placed them gingerly into the shopping bag. 

“We’ve really changed, huh?” Youngbae said as they moved to the household items. 

“We really did,” Jiyong said. Never would he have thought, he would come into such a store and pick out things. Before, he’d be the depressing, emotional, misfit he was and keep the apartment simple and bland. Jiyong felt a smile creep up his face as he browsed through the pillows. 

“Hey, Jiyong.”

Jiyong turned to see Youngbae holding a thick wool rub with pops of color on the white wool. It looked simple and Jiyong felt it with new interest. “I like this,” He said. Surer, he laughed. “I like this.”

“I don’t know how your new apartment looks, but I think you need a new change of rugs,” Youngbae said. “I’ll even make this a gift.”

Jiyong shook his head, laughing behind his hand. “No, I’ll buy it. Get me something better,” Jiyong giggled as Youngbae laughed out loud. 

“Okay, fine,” Youngbae held it for Jiyong as they headed to the cash register. “Is that all?”

“Yup,” Jiyong said, taking out his card. “I didn’t need much, just candles.”

“You’re gonna move everything else into your new apartment?” Youngbae asked. 

“I have to. It’s a small space-thank you-and,” Jiyong took the bag, flashing a smile before they both left the store. “I might have to throw some stuff away.”

“You don’t have much,” Youngbae said, raising an eyebrow. 

“I still have some useless things,” Jiyong said as they climbed into the van. 

“What’d you buy?” Soonho asked, merging onto the street. 

“A rug and candles,” Jiyong answered. “They smell really good.”

“I can tell,” Soonho commented. 

“Let’s go eat lunch,” Jiyong announced. “My treat.”

“Sure.”

 

“He’s still the same.”

Seunghyun chewed the abalone piece thoroughly. He swallowed. He knew who “he” was and it was probably the reason why Soohyuk called him out for lunch. But he feigned knowing. “Who?”

“Your lover,” Soohyuk said, a tone was cold and hard “Who else?”

“Are you jealous?” Seunghyun asked, frowning a little as he wiped his mouth. “You sound awfully attached to him.”

Soohyuk held his gaze calmly. “Is it bad to be jealous?”

Seunghyun couldn’t help but scoff in disbelief. He knew Soohyuk was a player when it came to dating and love, but never had he heard such dense words from Soohyuk. The Soohyuk he knew was someone who loved and then dumped quickly, erasing the past and only moving to the present, the future. Not an attached, jealous man. Had gaining popularity and media’s attention caused him to be arrogant? “Wow,” Seunghyun said, leaning back after scraping his dish clean. “So what were you going to say about Jiyong? He’s the same in what?”

“In being who he was before. A misfit who fights, drinks, and then locks himself in his apartment, staring outside,” Soohyuk said. “He’s well-known around the Meatpacking district. He’s more ferocious than he looks.”

“And was has that have to do with me?” Seunghyun asked, feeling sensitive with every response Soohyuk was giving. 

“You’re not going to last,” Soohyuk said, his voice sure. 

“I didn’t come here to hear this,” Seunghyun said and he waved the waiter to come, making a gesture to bring the bill. 

“I’m telling you he’s the type to be attached to his past, Seunghyun,” Soohyuk said and Seunghyun stood up, paying on the spot. 

“You’re the one who’s being attached to the past, Soohyuk,” Seunghyun said harshly, taking his blazer as he left. He didn’t turn back to see Soohyuk. Walking out into the slightly warmer air, Seunghyun took even breaths to calm himself. Whatever Soohyuk said shouldn’t rile him up. 

Just then Seunghyun heard a familiar loud giggle and he looked for the source and then saw it. With his manager smiling behind, Jiyong was with a friend, his face a large smile as he began to talk enthusiastically, his hands gesturing rather wildly. 

Today he had dressed rather comfortably with a large Vetements hoodie and black leather pants with boots that wrapped nicely around his ankles. His hair was fading into a nice shade of pink as he passed. He didn’t notice Seunghyun on the other side of the road and Seunghyun smiled, turning away into the car that waited for him. He climbed in. “Where next again?” He asked Daesung. 

Daesung must’ve noticed Jiyong as well from the look on his face. “You have another meeting in 30 minutes and then you have a dinner reservation at 5.”

Seunghyun breathed in and out.  _ Another hard day.  _ And it wasn’t even 1 yet. “Alright, let’s go.”

The car was silent as Seunghyun took the time on the way to think about what Soohyuk said. Despite being an asshole and being so cocky about knowing Jiyong well, Soohyuk knew people. It’s how he was in their mutual social groups. He knew people and how they were. He was sly about it too and he was never wrong about someone. 

And especially with Jiyong. They’d been dating after all and while Seunghyun wasn’t jealous, he hated the fact Soohyuk was an asshole. At first, he didn’t care; he only came out when Soohyuk told him to, and listened without much interest. And then, two years later, one day late at night, coming out from the dirty alleyway, came Jiyong. Beautiful, white-haired Jiyong, with dark eyeliner and glaring eyes, leather jacket making his petite body leaner as he tilted his head back, laughing with bitterness. 

That’s when Seunghyun fell in love with the misfit appearing man. He was so different that the scrawny, shy, giggling mess he’d met two years before. And he found that absolutely charming. 

But nowadays, Seunghyun often caught Jiyong staring outside almost in a somber manner with Ai curled in his lap, legs sprawled out, back leaned against the wall as he stared at the heart of Times Square. While Jiyong looked serene, Seunghyun often thought about what Daesung said. 

_ “Jiyongie-hyung has a habit of staring rather somberly outside by the window. From outside, it looks like he’s still heartbroken about Soohyuk.”  _

It concerned Seunghyun at first since he thought Jiyong might be withholding his emotions and penting it all up. He wanted Jiyong to open up to Seunghyun. But he realized it might be Jiyong’s way of organizing his thoughts or wanting to cherish the feeling of being alone. 

But now that Soohyuk’s left such sensitive comment about Jiyong, Seunghyun felt the first feelings of anxiousness. Then suddenly, he recalled Jiyong’s smile as he talked with his friend and Seunghyun pushed it away. 

_ He’ll be fine.  _

 

Jiyong collapsed on the couch of Seunghyun’s condo, greeting Ai with a hug as she purred, rubbing her head against his cheek. He kissed her on the head, before sitting up. Taking out the box of matches from the drawer of Seunghyun’s nightstand by the couch, he lit one of the candles that smelled like sweet flowers. Instantly, the smell wafted causing Ai to sneeze. Jiyong laughed affectionately, getting up to place the candle on the dinner table as the scent lifted the boring smell of a new apartment. 

Jiyong hummed as he rummaged through his purchased items, smelling each one with satisfaction. The rug Youngbae picked out made Jiyong excited to lay out in his new micro-apartment. He cleared out his entire weekend to start moving. He had two days to tell Seunghyun. 

“I’ll tell him when he gets home,” Jiyong said as he stroked Ai’s cheeks. 

Ai meowed in response. She flicked her ears, washin as Jiyong watched his spam likes on Instagram. Jiyong put down his phone to change, bringing the shopping bag with him to his room. He pulled the black loose tank over his torso, donning the stolen shorts from his sister before washing his face free of makeup. 

He went out again to watch the candle as the lights clicked on automatically as the sky darkened into night outside. The door clicked open and Jiyong turned his head to see Seunghyun arrive. “Welcome home, Hyunnie,” Jiyong greeted. 

“What’s this amazing smell?” Seunghyun asked, pulling off his shoes. “It smells like flowers.”

“A candle I bought at Anthropologie,” Jiyong answered as Seunghyun hugged him, kissing him. 

“It smells good,” Seunghyun nosed Jiyong’s neck. 

Jiyong kissed his jawline. “There’s something I want to tell you. Want to wash up first and talk?” Jiyong asked. 

Seunghyun’s playful expression turned anxious. “Is it bad?”

“No,” Jiyong laughed at his change of expression. “I promise it isn’t.”

Seunghyun still looked anxious as he walked to his room, Jiyong laughing. Well, Jiyong supposed, it might be. 

When he came out, fresh and wearing those dorky checkered pajamas, they cuddled on the couch, their limbs tangled. Seunghyun smelled like citrus and mint as Jiyong leaned back on his chest. “I’m moving this weekend,” Jiyong said, looking at Seunghyun with a light smile. “To another apartment.”

“I thought you wanted to live with me?” Seunghyun asked, the hurt in his voice noticeable. 

“I am and will, but I thought I might secure a new place. And,” Jiyong said. “Sometimes I want to be alone.”

Seunghyun looked thoughtful and nodded. “I completely understand,” He said with a grin. “It was selfish of me to think that way.”

“It wasn’t,” Jiyong assured, holding his hand. “I’ll send you the address by text, but otherwise, it’s in Kips Bay,” Jiyong said. 

“It’s still near,” Seunghyun said, breathing in on Jiyong’s shoulder. His fingers were prying the loose tank open so that his collarbones were exposed more. 

Jiyong laughed, feeling ticklish by Seunghyun’s chin. “Seunghyun,” He said. 

Seunghyun kissed him sweetly and Jiyong closed his eyes, sighing into it as his hand gently held Jiyong’s head, fingers knotting into his hair. 

 

Daesung saw her. He was frozen in place, unsure what to do when she also saw him. His girlfriend from almost half a year ago. The girl who fell in love with someone else, leaving him and the love that poured out to her. 

She was beautiful as always with her small face, her narrow jawline, her pink lips. Her slim figure in her dress. If it wasn’t for the boots and the coat she wore over it, the dress looked out-of-season. It was, after all, the end of winter. 

_ But that’s the past.  _ Daesung thought as he thought of the handkerchief that she always wrapped around his neck.  _ It’s was all such a long time ago.  _ Daesung thought as he remembered the feeling of being thrown down onto the ground as he took in the punches and kicks. The blood Jiyong washed off when he was saved. 

So Daesung did what he always did. 

He smiled at her, giving her a little wave like she was an old friend. To his relief, she waved back, a hesitant smile on her face. Daesung felt the weight of everything lighten as Daesung turned and went inside the diner, getting the dozen bagels he came here for. When he paid and went out, she was gone. And feeling anew, Daesung walked home with a new future to look forward to. 

Little did Daesung know, everything--starting with the moving of Jiyong’s new apartment--would change in an instant. 


End file.
